What a feeling in my soul...
- "Brighter than sunshine" Aqualung
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Christmas party at P&M tonite. Dirty danced with Julien. Turned down a few vodka cranberry drinksis from the bartender. Feel slightly sick and reek of cigarette smoke.
I had a nice time.
Ben got sick today. Really bad, I'm not sure how he pulled it off, be he drove him and I over to his place before he crashed into his driveway. We got inside and were instantly greeted with Moxie and Jesse, of course I let the girls lick me to death while Benny boy went to the bathroom, then I searched the cupboards for any kind of campbell's I could find, which I discovered in the back some alphabet. he had about 2 sips of it before laying on the couch. Poor son of a gun, mom came and picked me up and yelled at me and how my coat was covered with dog hair, to which I was later masking taped down.
And while all this was happening, taking care of a sick brother, screaming at my sister about if she sings mr. hanky the christmas poo one more freakin time, helping baptize a baby, coming up with a new screenplay idea, crying at my father shouting how I don't trust him, Brian setzer music, and dirty dancing with a gay man, I still thought of him. And how I think I'd rather be in a parking lot, or on a beach, or in a stopped car in NC, or sipping coffee...
I'm freezing, I'm off on a quest to find a heating pad or blanket, my yellow comforter has dissapeared thanks to some sibling prankster I assume, well away I go..
adieu
Monday, December 19, 2005
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Dreams
Falling asleep with candles on 10-1: No dreams whatsoever, just good thick dead.
Falling asleep without candles, 2-5 *with getting up alot*: Had trouble falling asleep, There's a good reason my body didn't want to :
A group of us in a house, A hallway , white door (of course) and brass knob, a green wrapped package on the other side. Another girl was supposed to go, but I went to the living room due to insomnia, and a red flashlight was spinning around the room, and it landed upon me, the house said I should go in the room. I had already eaten some barbeque chips(?) anywho, it started beeping saying "it had chosen" only the other girl came in racing with the rest, and she knoced me down. So now, she was standing in the red flashlight's way. So everyone thought it was going as planned. She tried to walk in the hallway, but it said she hadn't done everything, so she ate some chips too. Then she walked through the door way into the empty hall, and as she was picking up the gift, the door closed. For about a week it stayed close, and then one morning, it was open, just an empty hallway, no girl.
Woke up. Fell back asleep.
Ms. Penn in a grey stone cave. Here she's telling me she is in trouble for our little trip and look at the pictures the "girl" brought back with her from the house. The pictures start out with her just picking up the gift like on a stage, a huge proscenium stage and just her picking up this small green box, but then the pictures abruptly change as the page turns. Three boys/men. Who knows, black circles under their eyes. One has poofy hair like curls. It just has a few picture of them. Then the rest were gory pictures of them killing the girl. Ms. Penn was in tears saying how she didn't know she would let satan out...
Woke up again. Luckily it was 5:27 and I set my alarm for 5:30. I'm off to do math homework, but first let me conclude...
Ahem *cough* In conclusion, it is better to sleep with the lights on.
Falling asleep without candles, 2-5 *with getting up alot*: Had trouble falling asleep, There's a good reason my body didn't want to :
A group of us in a house, A hallway , white door (of course) and brass knob, a green wrapped package on the other side. Another girl was supposed to go, but I went to the living room due to insomnia, and a red flashlight was spinning around the room, and it landed upon me, the house said I should go in the room. I had already eaten some barbeque chips(?) anywho, it started beeping saying "it had chosen" only the other girl came in racing with the rest, and she knoced me down. So now, she was standing in the red flashlight's way. So everyone thought it was going as planned. She tried to walk in the hallway, but it said she hadn't done everything, so she ate some chips too. Then she walked through the door way into the empty hall, and as she was picking up the gift, the door closed. For about a week it stayed close, and then one morning, it was open, just an empty hallway, no girl.
Woke up. Fell back asleep.
Ms. Penn in a grey stone cave. Here she's telling me she is in trouble for our little trip and look at the pictures the "girl" brought back with her from the house. The pictures start out with her just picking up the gift like on a stage, a huge proscenium stage and just her picking up this small green box, but then the pictures abruptly change as the page turns. Three boys/men. Who knows, black circles under their eyes. One has poofy hair like curls. It just has a few picture of them. Then the rest were gory pictures of them killing the girl. Ms. Penn was in tears saying how she didn't know she would let satan out...
Woke up again. Luckily it was 5:27 and I set my alarm for 5:30. I'm off to do math homework, but first let me conclude...
Ahem *cough* In conclusion, it is better to sleep with the lights on.
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Ever wake up and look in the mirror, and see a really ugly version of you?
Yeah, that happens every now and then, and it occured today.
Now every time I've looked in the mirror today all I can see is imperfections.
Don't get me wrong, I have mornings where I wake up and I'm beautiful, and I wish someone would see me like that.
But not today.
Oh well, off to work.
*Song been going through my head all day: "Why?" Andrew Bird*
Yeah, that happens every now and then, and it occured today.
Now every time I've looked in the mirror today all I can see is imperfections.
Don't get me wrong, I have mornings where I wake up and I'm beautiful, and I wish someone would see me like that.
But not today.
Oh well, off to work.
*Song been going through my head all day: "Why?" Andrew Bird*
Monday, December 12, 2005
He stopped contacting.
Should I start worrying?
No, only fools worry.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Arthritic achiness all over, if I just don't go through the pain of movement I will always stay in my bed. And I can't stand to be in one spot at the same time. Day 2 of illness. Ben came over yesterday. Everyone was in church, I had just called him at 8 to say that I couldn't make it to his singy thingy and that I was terribly sorry. Ben said all he got was me crying and some garbled words and it sounded like I was on my death bed. He made me soup and left before anyone came home from church. I love him. To add to my fevers of 102, strange dreams, so far my favourite was the one I just woke up from:
Killers in my house, well more like I was outside on the porchswing and came around the front, all I know is that they ransacked my house, I remember being at the end of the street in the back of the car, after attempting to dial 911 multiple times on a barbie cell phone, the car was going straight with no one in it, I was trying my damndest in the back of the minivan trying to get someone (got ben and sara told them what was going on, hung up) Then when I was coming to near the end of the street I turned around and saw a bullet coming at me, so I ducked, then hopped over to the front of the car and drove near the medical center, with all of my abilities i screamed for the family to hop in. They all ran as fast as they could into the car (although i had to keep going and my dad was last in the car because well....he has weight issues) anywho so I end up going to sara's house where we stayed the night before these killers find us, we sneak out and although sara's family think they're great people and Eddie is there? cooking? He gets shot. So eddie in a chefs hat with a bloody mark in his back over a stove. Oh, btw, the house is nothing like sara's house, it's a home in the mountains. My mother gets shot too. she stays in a bed with the killers, the sickos. I only know this because...oh well hold on, back to the killers at saras house, right, well my father and m&m and I hop a train that I end up steering only the map goes off of one paper onto another then onto menus and it ends up being no use and taking us right back to sara now killers home. The killers btw, the lead guy is bald with a goatee and looks a whole lot like gremmy (short for gremlin) the kitchen cook guy. Other than that the rest of the villans resemble a whole beverly hillbilly episode, there's a granny, no chick though, just a bunch of huge doltish idiots with guns. Anywho! We arrive back at the house and end up hiding in the small area, (that's where I see eddie and mom) All I can remember after that is we try to take their car and drive away (we being m&m, dad, and I) only M&M start fighting and dad's tryign his damndest to be gentle and tell them to shtu up which is nothing like dad he was saying stuff lie "Max, Miranda, please be calm, please" in a gentle voice when usually it would be "Max! Miranda! Shut the hell up!" anyway, I was in the background shouting "Leave them, dad. They're too much baggage." We end up driving really fast in a somewhat car chase scene through small neighborhoods and highways when I woke up.
Anywho.
Now I'm slightly hungry seeing I haven't eaten since most likely that soup yesterday morning. No, wait I went to work last night and had some cold french fries...
Point is, I found Robin Hood Men in Tights and now proceed to watch it. I might make myself a grilled swiss or something too..
Should I start worrying?
No, only fools worry.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Arthritic achiness all over, if I just don't go through the pain of movement I will always stay in my bed. And I can't stand to be in one spot at the same time. Day 2 of illness. Ben came over yesterday. Everyone was in church, I had just called him at 8 to say that I couldn't make it to his singy thingy and that I was terribly sorry. Ben said all he got was me crying and some garbled words and it sounded like I was on my death bed. He made me soup and left before anyone came home from church. I love him. To add to my fevers of 102, strange dreams, so far my favourite was the one I just woke up from:
Killers in my house, well more like I was outside on the porchswing and came around the front, all I know is that they ransacked my house, I remember being at the end of the street in the back of the car, after attempting to dial 911 multiple times on a barbie cell phone, the car was going straight with no one in it, I was trying my damndest in the back of the minivan trying to get someone (got ben and sara told them what was going on, hung up) Then when I was coming to near the end of the street I turned around and saw a bullet coming at me, so I ducked, then hopped over to the front of the car and drove near the medical center, with all of my abilities i screamed for the family to hop in. They all ran as fast as they could into the car (although i had to keep going and my dad was last in the car because well....he has weight issues) anywho so I end up going to sara's house where we stayed the night before these killers find us, we sneak out and although sara's family think they're great people and Eddie is there? cooking? He gets shot. So eddie in a chefs hat with a bloody mark in his back over a stove. Oh, btw, the house is nothing like sara's house, it's a home in the mountains. My mother gets shot too. she stays in a bed with the killers, the sickos. I only know this because...oh well hold on, back to the killers at saras house, right, well my father and m&m and I hop a train that I end up steering only the map goes off of one paper onto another then onto menus and it ends up being no use and taking us right back to sara now killers home. The killers btw, the lead guy is bald with a goatee and looks a whole lot like gremmy (short for gremlin) the kitchen cook guy. Other than that the rest of the villans resemble a whole beverly hillbilly episode, there's a granny, no chick though, just a bunch of huge doltish idiots with guns. Anywho! We arrive back at the house and end up hiding in the small area, (that's where I see eddie and mom) All I can remember after that is we try to take their car and drive away (we being m&m, dad, and I) only M&M start fighting and dad's tryign his damndest to be gentle and tell them to shtu up which is nothing like dad he was saying stuff lie "Max, Miranda, please be calm, please" in a gentle voice when usually it would be "Max! Miranda! Shut the hell up!" anyway, I was in the background shouting "Leave them, dad. They're too much baggage." We end up driving really fast in a somewhat car chase scene through small neighborhoods and highways when I woke up.
Anywho.
Now I'm slightly hungry seeing I haven't eaten since most likely that soup yesterday morning. No, wait I went to work last night and had some cold french fries...
Point is, I found Robin Hood Men in Tights and now proceed to watch it. I might make myself a grilled swiss or something too..
Friday, December 09, 2005
Ah Sleep! Glorius Sleep! Slumbering from 9-6:30 and not remembering a thing not a single dream, how I love it so. Mom apparently tucked me in and turned off all of my lights because she found me on the floor with my history textbook I had attemtped to read. Bad timing on my part, never try to study for a history exam right before it's nap time. Of course, it was raining outside so that also has the power to knock me out cold in a second, just a few seconds of hearing a trickle and my eyes will close.
In another note, I fear I may be coming down with what my mummy and sissy have. Pity. Just lemme get through this exam, God, that's all I ask.
In another note, I fear I may be coming down with what my mummy and sissy have. Pity. Just lemme get through this exam, God, that's all I ask.
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Stars Form In My Eyes, and Galaxies Appear on My Cheek
| You fit in with: Spiritualism Your ideals are mostly spiritual, but in an individualistic way. While spirituality is very important in your life, organized religion itself may not be for you. It is best for you to seek these things on your own terms. 80% spiritual. 40% reason-oriented. |
An Invisible and Invincible Entity
Disturbing nightmares
scratches
bloody arms
my neck, my poor neck
shivering
crying
people
him
yes him
darkness
gleaming eyes white bright and green
burning
gasping for air but with a smile upon my visage
I just don't understand
fear.
I didn't mean to kill him; I didn't mean to do that.
scratches
bloody arms
my neck, my poor neck
shivering
crying
people
him
yes him
darkness
gleaming eyes white bright and green
burning
gasping for air but with a smile upon my visage
I just don't understand
fear.
I didn't mean to kill him; I didn't mean to do that.
Monday, December 05, 2005
Talk.
.lufituaeb si efiL
I'm in love with a stranger, and it doesn't matter if I never see him again I will always have him in my mind
I'm about to fail my french III exam and I'm calm and the sky is beautiful and I look like punk
My father is a complete asshole and my mother has a strange illness
and yet I'm perfectly happy and slightly want to fall asleep because the sky suggests that I should be doing just that
I hugged all the members of hot hot heat last night too, (I got to meet them)
and Ben fears for me ^_^
Oh yes, it is beautiful.
I'm in love with a stranger, and it doesn't matter if I never see him again I will always have him in my mind
I'm about to fail my french III exam and I'm calm and the sky is beautiful and I look like punk
My father is a complete asshole and my mother has a strange illness
and yet I'm perfectly happy and slightly want to fall asleep because the sky suggests that I should be doing just that
I hugged all the members of hot hot heat last night too, (I got to meet them)
and Ben fears for me ^_^
Oh yes, it is beautiful.
Sunday, December 04, 2005
Dammit, I said I would not come on the internet
I'm going to kill him.
Or myself.
....
Maybe I should just not answer the phone.
Or myself.
....
Maybe I should just not answer the phone.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
My oh my you know it just don't stop,
It's in my mind I want to tear it up
I try to fight it
Try to turn it off
But it's not enough
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm taking a break from the internet. Right now, my mind is fully awake, but my body is dead. Limp, it takes so much out of me to type and my legs ache. My heart feels as if an adrenaline shot got pumped into it because it is filled with pain and it beats more quickly than usual. I feel delicate; I'm not sure why. I just want to sleep right now, and to be honest I haven't had much of an appetite since i made those chocolate souflees, and when I do eat my stomach gives me hell. I still smile though, but I think it's because of the dreams..
Oh dear, I believe winter has arrived.
It's in my mind I want to tear it up
I try to fight it
Try to turn it off
But it's not enough
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm taking a break from the internet. Right now, my mind is fully awake, but my body is dead. Limp, it takes so much out of me to type and my legs ache. My heart feels as if an adrenaline shot got pumped into it because it is filled with pain and it beats more quickly than usual. I feel delicate; I'm not sure why. I just want to sleep right now, and to be honest I haven't had much of an appetite since i made those chocolate souflees, and when I do eat my stomach gives me hell. I still smile though, but I think it's because of the dreams..
Oh dear, I believe winter has arrived.
A nightmare, people being outside my home when my dad pulled in, I mean, it was like this, I was laying in bed trying to sleep when I heard my father pull in the driveway, I crept on the floor to the window to look, only to see a huge white van and music blasting, then the door opening, and I think Max shouting, woke up at 2 AM shaking.
Did math homework and such becaues I felt like vomiting, fell back asleep around 4 AM.
Still don't feel good, it must of been something I ate.
Did math homework and such becaues I felt like vomiting, fell back asleep around 4 AM.
Still don't feel good, it must of been something I ate.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Music: "Don't Cry"Seal , it's in my head, good enough, I should find the CD
I'd like to thank him; after the conversation well I'm not entirely sure anymore what occured afterwards, but I do know this:
I woke up with my mother shouting at me. I was outside on the porch swing on my old play set, I had all of my clothes on from yesterday and a dead cell phone in hand. I was freezing.
Thank you so much, you have no idea...
oh
and please don't cry, I care about you too much
i love you.
- tory
I'd like to thank him; after the conversation well I'm not entirely sure anymore what occured afterwards, but I do know this:
I woke up with my mother shouting at me. I was outside on the porch swing on my old play set, I had all of my clothes on from yesterday and a dead cell phone in hand. I was freezing.
Thank you so much, you have no idea...
oh
and please don't cry, I care about you too much
i love you.
- tory
Monday, November 28, 2005
Sing, Sweet Nightingale
God I would kill for a back cracking right about now, I couldn't sleep last night, twisting all over my bed
- 2 essays for huggins
- beg gilbert for more time or something/get help from jey
- study for exams/find out when they are
- get Kevin his papers
- quit Sunday shifts/or just ask carol for it to be pushed back a half hour
- return DVD to jackie
- use blockbuster coupons before the 30th
- tell jey to not do anything this sunday because you're taking her to that concert for her christmas gift
- buy christmas gifts
- actually finish a book/return them to library
- watch paste dvd w/ short films
- talk w/ penn about drama monologue choice and next meeting
- deposit money already, you have checks dating back to effin september now
Definitely need that back cracking...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
didn't get his letter which makes me wonder if he sent it
~~~~~~~~~~
Loved Ohio.
Sing, Sweet Nightingale
God I would kill for a back cracking right about now, I couldn't sleep last night, twisting all over my bed
- 2 essays for huggins
- beg gilbert for more time or something/get help from jey
- study for exams/find out when they are
- get Kevin his papers
- quit Sunday shifts/or just ask carol for it to be pushed back a half hour
- return DVD to jackie
- use blockbuster coupons before the 30th
- tell jey to not do anything this sunday because you're taking her to that concert for her christmas gift
- buy christmas gifts
- actually finish a book/return them to library
- watch paste dvd w/ short films
- talk w/ penn about drama monologue choice and next meeting
- deposit money already, you have checks dating back to effin september now
Definitely need that back cracking...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
didn't get his letter which makes me wonder if he sent it
~~~~~~~~~~
Loved Ohio.
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Monday, November 21, 2005
Just tonite I stood before the tavern,
Nothing seemed the way it used to be,
In the glass I saw a strange reflection,
Was that lonely woman really me?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's so beautiful outside. I woke up at 4 AM in the morning, put on my clothes and fell asleep on my front porch with a blanket I grabbed. Thinking through last night, only with him do I act like some neurotic psychopath. Everyone else I am in control over what character I am, but with him..I have no power over what I do. And it worries me; is that person really me? Am I really not the calm cool and collected person I am around others? No, I think that is me that talks to him, but I am slightly nervous around him..no, not nervous, jumpy? No, something, cannot find the word. The only trouble with his silences other than the curiosity to know what he thinks is that over the phone I can't tell if he's smiling or not. I can hear it through his words and laughter, but not through his silences. Maybe I am a Pollyanna. Eh, even this post sounds odd to me now. Oh well, onwards with the day.
I think I'm going to be outside more. I like it too much to not be there.
Nothing seemed the way it used to be,
In the glass I saw a strange reflection,
Was that lonely woman really me?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's so beautiful outside. I woke up at 4 AM in the morning, put on my clothes and fell asleep on my front porch with a blanket I grabbed. Thinking through last night, only with him do I act like some neurotic psychopath. Everyone else I am in control over what character I am, but with him..I have no power over what I do. And it worries me; is that person really me? Am I really not the calm cool and collected person I am around others? No, I think that is me that talks to him, but I am slightly nervous around him..no, not nervous, jumpy? No, something, cannot find the word. The only trouble with his silences other than the curiosity to know what he thinks is that over the phone I can't tell if he's smiling or not. I can hear it through his words and laughter, but not through his silences. Maybe I am a Pollyanna. Eh, even this post sounds odd to me now. Oh well, onwards with the day.
I think I'm going to be outside more. I like it too much to not be there.
Sunday, November 20, 2005
Sitting in church, I was thinking it through.
I live my soul and religion through the hymnal more than the bible. I never have read the bible the whole way through. I love my church, I love the warmth it brings, I could care less for the people, there's something about being alone in a sanctuary and no one is around and you can sing. I can't stop singing lately, in church, I sang with all of my heart, and I didn't want to stop, I wanted to start singing ," Welll I said I wouldn't tell it to a livin soul, how he brought salvation and made me whole"
Yet when i am leaving the church, I always have Shalom Chaverim, perhaps my favorite hymn always traverse through my mind.
I made up a list of places I am happy:
I live my soul and religion through the hymnal more than the bible. I never have read the bible the whole way through. I love my church, I love the warmth it brings, I could care less for the people, there's something about being alone in a sanctuary and no one is around and you can sing. I can't stop singing lately, in church, I sang with all of my heart, and I didn't want to stop, I wanted to start singing ," Welll I said I wouldn't tell it to a livin soul, how he brought salvation and made me whole"
Yet when i am leaving the church, I always have Shalom Chaverim, perhaps my favorite hymn always traverse through my mind.
I made up a list of places I am happy:
- In Sunday School class with my mom, Kate, Dominique, Olivia, and just about anyone
- When company is over and dinner is finished, and the lights become warm and inviting for a bitter winter and drinks of wine and what have you are poured, stories are told, card games begin...ahh
- Sydney, Australia
- The porchswing on my old playset
- With the SA kids
- In the back of the NMB auditorium
- Wilmington
- On any bus, train, plane, or car
- with Julien
- at Sara's home
- Under my yellow comforter when it's cold outside
- in a boy's arms
- On stage
- my house, alone
- On the left staircase to the pit at HOB
- in the sanctuary, alone
- On the nature paths behind my house
- On the oyster beds and the bench on them
- In Broadway movie theatres
- With the Cold cut trio
- In a funky chair at collectors
- Anyplace I'm dancing or singing or both
- With the academy kids (theatre that is)
- Under the staircase at Edward's
- Beaches at night and/or winter
- On a bench near the bells
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Off to see Harry Potter, then work! Tralalalalala
EDIT::
10:50 at nite, I like blowing out candles at Pat and Mikes when I'm the last one in the non smoking area and all of the lights are turned off, and I like smelling roses, and I like laying on the ground looking at the sky and I love the scent of roses from my garden.
Saturday, November 19, 2005
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Sunday, November 13, 2005
Good Morning
I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music do you?
It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled King composing
Hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Maybe I've been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
There was a time when you let me know
What’s real and going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you
The Holy Dark was moving too
And every breath we drew was hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Maybe there's a God above
And all I ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
And it's not a cry you can hear at night
It's not somebody who’s seen the light
It's a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
~~~~~~~~~
Good Morning.
That David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music do you?
It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled King composing
Hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Maybe I've been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
There was a time when you let me know
What’s real and going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you
The Holy Dark was moving too
And every breath we drew was hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Maybe there's a God above
And all I ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
And it's not a cry you can hear at night
It's not somebody who’s seen the light
It's a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
~~~~~~~~~
Good Morning.
Friday, November 11, 2005
as of late
To:
James
Date:
Nov 10, 2005 2:40 PM
Subject:
I wish I may, I wish I might.
Body:
Just to say
that when you're writing your novella or what have you, and you mention a girl with sapphire eyes that remind you of sunflowers
don't forget the part of how she sits alone on the staircase and listens to her messages on her cellphone that she saved. And remember to mention of how she responds aloud to each of them in odd whispers.
I don't believe I have cried for the longest time, thanks for reminding me of what tears tasted like.
I shall miss you; thank you for the happiness.
-emerald
James
Date:
Nov 10, 2005 2:40 PM
Subject:
I wish I may, I wish I might.
Body:
Just to say
that when you're writing your novella or what have you, and you mention a girl with sapphire eyes that remind you of sunflowers
don't forget the part of how she sits alone on the staircase and listens to her messages on her cellphone that she saved. And remember to mention of how she responds aloud to each of them in odd whispers.
I don't believe I have cried for the longest time, thanks for reminding me of what tears tasted like.
I shall miss you; thank you for the happiness.
-emerald
Friday, November 04, 2005
Le mort a mon cour
I've given up on him; perhaps I was just not supposed to see him. Mais oui, I miss him terribly now, but do I even know him? Hardly. Maybe. Perhaps.
I told him I would see him yesterday.
Boy, did I ever.
I saw him in the back of my mind the entire time,
god I miss him.
Worst part is he probably thinks I'm some unsympathetic bitch.
well, good.
I told him I would see him yesterday.
Boy, did I ever.
I saw him in the back of my mind the entire time,
god I miss him.
Worst part is he probably thinks I'm some unsympathetic bitch.
well, good.
So today is the morning of the pageant..
hah, who gives a fuck?
Anyway, I most certainly miss James, and if I ever see him again I won't fuck it up and not hug him, that is if there is a chance.
Rewatched Amelie today, great movie, gotta write a movie review for it.
Kyle shaved and played online checkers with me.
I'm just up in arms with calculus.
Bush is fucking up more and more.
English, j'adore.
Now fuck! I have 10 minutes to get ready! I leave now.
hah, who gives a fuck?
Anyway, I most certainly miss James, and if I ever see him again I won't fuck it up and not hug him, that is if there is a chance.
Rewatched Amelie today, great movie, gotta write a movie review for it.
Kyle shaved and played online checkers with me.
I'm just up in arms with calculus.
Bush is fucking up more and more.
English, j'adore.
Now fuck! I have 10 minutes to get ready! I leave now.
Monday, October 31, 2005
Erm, damn.
So I entered Ms. NMBH with the promise of 30 dollars for following through, now I'm thinking twice...
Yes you know it's all interesting and full of great shit, it's a life, okay? I can't remember half the shit I did/do anyway, so yeah tonite was halloween, this weekend i sat in a forest with kyle and jennifer and no one noticed i had dissapeared and everyone was essentially worried about those two. i learned how to do the worm and my body still aches, he's leaving for chicago and i'm taking him to collectors tomororw, mon frere....oh boy we're not even going down that road right now,
God I just want to go to a waffle house and end up sitting on the highway listening to Tom Waits instead.
aw fuck .
Yes you know it's all interesting and full of great shit, it's a life, okay? I can't remember half the shit I did/do anyway, so yeah tonite was halloween, this weekend i sat in a forest with kyle and jennifer and no one noticed i had dissapeared and everyone was essentially worried about those two. i learned how to do the worm and my body still aches, he's leaving for chicago and i'm taking him to collectors tomororw, mon frere....oh boy we're not even going down that road right now,
God I just want to go to a waffle house and end up sitting on the highway listening to Tom Waits instead.
aw fuck .
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
"I finished watching Amelie for the 3rd time. I'm rather fond of the movie. I made friends today with a janitor named Kevin who is possibly 54 but claims he's only 23. I find it funny that the US owns Puerto Rico, but we won't technically make them a state as that would upset the perfect number of 50. I think that I shall get my major in theatre and a minor in foreign languages although I prefer movies much much more than theatre. I've also given thought to getting a directing degree but I know that this and theatre will take me no where. This slightly strikes fear in my heart with the idea that I will be a waitress until I am godknows how old or the better idea that I will own a coffeehouse and just make ends meet. Yet this also slightly scares me for I want to see the world. If I am bound to a job and such my entire life I don't know if it will be worth living. I see myself a 30 something and just taking up and leaving in the middle of the night for France or somewhere (perhaps Australia!). and it will be just like that, a very normal day. Perhaps a Tuesday, and I won't tell my landlord and I won't tell my boss, I will just dissapear, and then begin anew. I might be a hobo at first, no it will be more planned than that, I'll visit a relative or stranger in a country or just rent out an apartment and have it all set up over there, that would be lovely. I also like listening to people's problems and when no one is unhappy then I am unhappy because perhaps one of the only things that makes me happy is listening to people's problems and making them happy. There's probably a psychological term for that. I've figured out why lean cuisines are so popular, because they taste like shit and the person who packed their lunchbox only brought a lean cuisine so they technically starve themselves to death until they reach their flat at 11:30 at night. I'm also fond of astrophysics and chemistry, which I believe I get from my father, but where willl that take me? Absolutely no where.
To sum it all up, "Death of a Salesman" is way better than "The Glass Menagerie".
- Victoria"
I'm singing "Those were the days my friend" for Ms. NMBH, yes I am pulling through with it.
I have it figured out. I'm taking him to that cafe I mentioned to him a year ago before he leaves.
Thinking it through, I don't want to go to College of Charleston. It's good campus but it will take me no where. I'm thinking Berkley or University of California, who knows
I miss him. C'est terrible. and for some odd reason my body aches all over as if I've been bruised everywhere.
Ms Huggins is the one that gives me that inferiority complex. Second time I've left the room and cried from her class
by the by, taking a monologue in Febuary to ITS competition, titled "Exudious" by the play "Trepidation Nation"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
now you may be asking yourself, "What is the point to this blog?" I honestly don't want/could care less if any one read it. It's mainly here for me to look back and laugh.
To sum it all up, "Death of a Salesman" is way better than "The Glass Menagerie".
- Victoria"
I'm singing "Those were the days my friend" for Ms. NMBH, yes I am pulling through with it.
I have it figured out. I'm taking him to that cafe I mentioned to him a year ago before he leaves.
Thinking it through, I don't want to go to College of Charleston. It's good campus but it will take me no where. I'm thinking Berkley or University of California, who knows
I miss him. C'est terrible. and for some odd reason my body aches all over as if I've been bruised everywhere.
Ms Huggins is the one that gives me that inferiority complex. Second time I've left the room and cried from her class
by the by, taking a monologue in Febuary to ITS competition, titled "Exudious" by the play "Trepidation Nation"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
now you may be asking yourself, "What is the point to this blog?" I honestly don't want/could care less if any one read it. It's mainly here for me to look back and laugh.
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Stacey called me at 5:30 AM today and told me to hang up. Then she cried to my cell phone answering machine.
Jennifer complains, but says she's fine to me.
No one wants me to listen to them, and now I'm slightly depressed by it.
Am I that bad of a person?
I know it's getting annoying, it being me. I tried to leaving but now the weather's getting colder just like I am.
I want to help someone.
Yes, I am lonely.
In other news I am gonna be in ms. nmbhs this year.
Jennifer complains, but says she's fine to me.
No one wants me to listen to them, and now I'm slightly depressed by it.
Am I that bad of a person?
I know it's getting annoying, it being me. I tried to leaving but now the weather's getting colder just like I am.
I want to help someone.
Yes, I am lonely.
In other news I am gonna be in ms. nmbhs this year.
Saturday, October 22, 2005
Songs Played during this post: "Break Out" Foo Fighters "Somethings Got Me" Lori Carson
I am so pathetic, I just can't stop thinking about him. Last night I had stayed up till 2 AM and I finally wrote him a letter and then this morning I sent it to him. Luckily, in Charleston today I was so amazed at the beauty of the area that I didn't think of him. But once I arrived back I checked every possible way he could have contacted me, and he didn't. I am just terribly pathetic.
*sigh*
*sigh*
- All videos and quizzes on derivatives ch. 3
- All homework on ch. 3
- Comp/Cont essay on death of salesman and glass menagerie
- Performance Analysis Essay
- Clean freakin room
- Study for fucking Ch 3 test
- Write script for theatre class
Carson. I blocked you on AIM and I deleted my el jay becuase had once again degraded to you calling me a bitch, albeit an artistic one which is technically better than before. Nonetheless I dislike you.
I've been coming and going, went to take a mensa test today met up with erin at a "mellow mushroom" good pizza, thursday nite was the play and i ended up seeing "history of violence" with julien and nick. I saw James and gave him his birthday gifts. On friday I had indian cuisine at a downtown place with mom and i got new undies, aka no more granny panties thank god. so yes, new lingerie thank god thank god thank god.
I've been having weird dreams again; this can't be good.
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Saturday, October 08, 2005
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Some More Shitty Poetry
pour me a glass of wine
talk deep into the night
who knows
what we'll find
intuition
deja vu
the holy ghost
haunting you
whatever you got
i don't mind
~~~
*sigh*
Doncha just wish that your writing would actually sound good sometimes?
talk deep into the night
who knows
what we'll find
intuition
deja vu
the holy ghost
haunting you
whatever you got
i don't mind
~~~
*sigh*
Doncha just wish that your writing would actually sound good sometimes?
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Sunday, September 18, 2005
I got it bad, and that ain't good..
Meh.
All my dreams were focused around him. All of them. I woke up with the word "love" on my lips. This is not good. No, not good at all. My heart is racing and I haven't even seen or talked to him (That's what it usually takes for my heart to do such oddities). Last night was worse. I kept reading over and over the same apologetic letter I sent him for why I wasn't there. And I wonder what he's done. Probably ran away with Brittany, he said he didn't have much reason to stay. I worry so. What's done is done is done. And I shan't fret. Now if someone could tell my heart that..
~~~~~~~~~
Like a lonesome weeping willow,
Lost in the wood,
The way I hug my pillow,
No woman should,
Because I got it bad,
and that ain't good
All my dreams were focused around him. All of them. I woke up with the word "love" on my lips. This is not good. No, not good at all. My heart is racing and I haven't even seen or talked to him (That's what it usually takes for my heart to do such oddities). Last night was worse. I kept reading over and over the same apologetic letter I sent him for why I wasn't there. And I wonder what he's done. Probably ran away with Brittany, he said he didn't have much reason to stay. I worry so. What's done is done is done. And I shan't fret. Now if someone could tell my heart that..
~~~~~~~~~
Like a lonesome weeping willow,
Lost in the wood,
The way I hug my pillow,
No woman should,
Because I got it bad,
and that ain't good
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Scared James away for good. Pity, he was a nice young boy.
So solitude and alone, and I like it. Thank you. No, James tisn't running through my mind, nor am I parading about toting a new fellow on my arm. Yes, I've gone back to the days of March and being on a beach when it's about to rain, only this time I'm not talking to him, I'm just not thinking at all really.
I feel like I'm not here half the time though.
So solitude and alone, and I like it. Thank you. No, James tisn't running through my mind, nor am I parading about toting a new fellow on my arm. Yes, I've gone back to the days of March and being on a beach when it's about to rain, only this time I'm not talking to him, I'm just not thinking at all really.
I feel like I'm not here half the time though.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Monday, August 22, 2005
She Runs Away.
Gah!
Why must I do this to myself? Why do I always run away? I always fall for someone secretly, and once I gain enough courage to speak to them and let them know, I instantly run away! This has occured from the playground with Ben, to Carson and getting "disconnected" to Jamie and just hanging up, and now..ick! How horrible of me! I always make a situation more awkward than I should. It should be like this:
"Hey you. I like you. alot. let's go somewhere and make hot love."
"okay."
Instead it ends up more like this:
"Hey...erm hi..."
*long conversation*
"Well yes anyway I agree with you on that and yes, I like you...alot...*blushes* *runs away*"
"..."
How horrible of me, how horrible *shakes head*
Yes yes, I shall call back and say "Terribly sorry, I lied, I do not like you in any way, I suggest you go off with a pretty girl who is comical and would like you! Adieu!"
Why must I do this to myself? Why do I always run away? I always fall for someone secretly, and once I gain enough courage to speak to them and let them know, I instantly run away! This has occured from the playground with Ben, to Carson and getting "disconnected" to Jamie and just hanging up, and now..ick! How horrible of me! I always make a situation more awkward than I should. It should be like this:
"Hey you. I like you. alot. let's go somewhere and make hot love."
"okay."
Instead it ends up more like this:
"Hey...erm hi..."
*long conversation*
"Well yes anyway I agree with you on that and yes, I like you...alot...*blushes* *runs away*"
"..."
How horrible of me, how horrible *shakes head*
Yes yes, I shall call back and say "Terribly sorry, I lied, I do not like you in any way, I suggest you go off with a pretty girl who is comical and would like you! Adieu!"
Friday, August 12, 2005
A Nightmare, or a Warning?
*shivers*
What a horrible nightmare.
I saw myself being kidnapped, and no one knew where to go. I mean they noticed, but no one knew where to look for when I was hidden right under their noses, and I had never delved into this sneaking feeling that it could occur.
Carson.
I moved late January really, but I let it slide till Valentines day.
I left Jamie last nite; (of course Carson's single now too) here is a post from Carson's journal:
I have a secret plot to restore l'amour de la reine. It involves duct tape and two years of waiting until all emotives have sunken.
~
It's probably a joke, of course it is, I think...well either way, it sure didn't help curb my dreams theme...
Now I just feel like I gotta hook up with someone just so my crazy ass ex won't do something weird..
glargh.
What a horrible nightmare.
I saw myself being kidnapped, and no one knew where to go. I mean they noticed, but no one knew where to look for when I was hidden right under their noses, and I had never delved into this sneaking feeling that it could occur.
Carson.
I moved late January really, but I let it slide till Valentines day.
I left Jamie last nite; (of course Carson's single now too) here is a post from Carson's journal:
I have a secret plot to restore l'amour de la reine. It involves duct tape and two years of waiting until all emotives have sunken.
~
It's probably a joke, of course it is, I think...well either way, it sure didn't help curb my dreams theme...
Now I just feel like I gotta hook up with someone just so my crazy ass ex won't do something weird..
glargh.
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Pitiful creature of darkness,
what kind of life have you known?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I haven't spoken to James for a little bit now. I don't think I will again, but I must say that he runs through my mind constantly. Not in a way like psychotic stalker mood where I try to find out every little thing about him or see him as a shrine. More like, well, a person I can talk to. If you ever find me quiet, I'll ususally be having a conversation with James. *sigh* I wish I would forget him, but until then I'll just keep chatting with the poor fellow.
what kind of life have you known?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I haven't spoken to James for a little bit now. I don't think I will again, but I must say that he runs through my mind constantly. Not in a way like psychotic stalker mood where I try to find out every little thing about him or see him as a shrine. More like, well, a person I can talk to. If you ever find me quiet, I'll ususally be having a conversation with James. *sigh* I wish I would forget him, but until then I'll just keep chatting with the poor fellow.
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Friday, June 24, 2005
The Goddess of Ice and Hope. You are a creative
wonder. Always calm and collected, you hold the
awe of many people and you are exceptionally
logical. You are an inspirational beauty.
Which gorgeous goddess are you? For girls! (breath taking pics!)
brought to you by
Your word is: Brooding. You are a true thinker and
often try to figure out the meaning of life,
why we are all here etc. You may not be so
social, and often think twice before acting but
those thoughts you have in your mind never stop
flowing in. Sometimes you can be so
concentrated you forget about other things that
you have to do. Don't change, this world needs
deep people.
What dark word represents you? (anime pics and 7 outcomes)
brought to you by Your'>http://live.quizilla.com/user_images/P/PainfulBliss/1117242209_Power_Time.JPG">
Your power is: Time Control
Explanation: You have the ability to
freeze, push forward or go back in time. In
good purposes it is used to prevent bad deeds,
and the opposite for evil purposes.
As a person your emotional level has been on
hold. For one reason or another emotions has
reduced and now you aren't so full of life. And
of course, this does not sadden you since you
could care less. Sometimes though you can be
hit by emotioal waves inside but you block it
all out. You don't search for something that
could make you happy since you have no hope in
that area any longer. People probably see you
as annoying because you're not involved and
just stand there. You probably don't have that
many friends either, and you feel like you are
with them because that's what you normally do.
You stick to your habits and don't appreciate
changes.
Negative aspects: One day all emotions
are gonna surface again, and that day will be
very painful. Instead it is more wise to start
up the emotional level bit by bit, so it won't
come as a big chock.
What'>http://quizilla.com/users/PainfulBliss/quizzes/What%20Power%20is%20Compatible%20With%20You%3F/">What Power is Compatible With You?
brought to you by
Friday, June 17, 2005
Another day, another dead prostitute
Ah so I have been relaxing at drama camp this whole week, the girl (Tah-rah) that Jamie made out with is here, and I have to say she is AWESOME!!!!!!!!! She is. Totally. Great. I love Tara, anyway other than hanging out with her and donohonkie and the rest of the world, it's been a great week. I've missed jamie so much though. terribly.
But at least I got the week ahead!
Well, the summer ahead!
So, this summer...I will have a job..
and calculus work..
and driver's ed...
and english work...
and room rearranging..
and maine..
jebus.
And Jamie, and Leah and everyone and Kelsey ^_^
And julien
oh man
this is gonna be one busy/helluva summer..
I can't wait! :D
But at least I got the week ahead!
Well, the summer ahead!
So, this summer...I will have a job..
and calculus work..
and driver's ed...
and english work...
and room rearranging..
and maine..
jebus.
And Jamie, and Leah and everyone and Kelsey ^_^
And julien
oh man
this is gonna be one busy/helluva summer..
I can't wait! :D
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
It's funny, the Jamie I took for a bore at Salsarita's was truly terrified that he would lose me or something, and he was too preoccupied with that to keep his mind on me...? something like that
Either way, I wonder if he is doing anything on Friday, I chatted with him last night and I smiled..alot...
Sly is a good guy...but no thanks
I just have a fear that Jamie was like "Fuck it!" today and made out with another girl or something
::sigh::
Guess I'll just have to wait for a phone call...
Either way, I wonder if he is doing anything on Friday, I chatted with him last night and I smiled..alot...
Sly is a good guy...but no thanks
I just have a fear that Jamie was like "Fuck it!" today and made out with another girl or something
::sigh::
Guess I'll just have to wait for a phone call...
Monday, June 06, 2005
Saturday, June 04, 2005
Something is Not Quite Right
Last evening, I went to Salsarita's with Jamie.
I have really no emotions for him.
We were sitting in Salsarita's and it was absolutely boring. It was only interesting when I went to Bi-lo by myself to buy some cowtails and ferror rochers' then when I went into the Living Room. And the living room only got interesting when Jamie and I were talking to each other via scrabble pieces. And even that got boorish so we moved onto asking each other trivial pursuit questions which got boorish but we did it anyway, and the man who was playing piano took a break and came over and I requested "Firefly" and he said he didn't know it..
I call her fire..
fire fly,
why can't i?
latch on to your know how?
oh how, i love ya but gee,
why ya set the night on fire..
fly..
shine a little light on me,
but when i get her there
set her there
do i get to pet her there?
and grab me some glow,
no she's a mad about
gadabout,
luring every lad about,
while leavin' me moaning low
anyway..
.
So he ended up playing it's only a paper moon, which is good, i like that too. I eventually got so bored with trivial pursuit, when it got to my time to ask a question i said, "Why do you want me?" because I was hoping for a "I don't know, I thought I did, but now I don't think I do." or something because he looked pretty well...off in lala world, anyway he just looked at me and smiled and was like astonished or something and said "because of moments like this when I'm left speechless" and then he hugged me, in public, and I felt weird because there was the piano man and some children...but I didn't say "Something is not quite right" Then later when we were walking out, he hugged me really hard, I hugged back this time, I don't know, I kissed him on the cheek and said "goodnite jamie" , then he asked me a question, I thought it was "Will you take me home?" and I said "yes." and he was like "great!" and then I feared that entire car ride it was a different question..
it was.
I got online and he basically said I agreed to taking him back.
Taking him back?
Yes, taking him back.
So, I've taken him back, but it isn't like I'm going to be attached.
Then what's the point of having him back?
I'm not sure, don't want to hurt his feelings?
I know he's going to be off making out with more girls, and I know his phone isn't working so there's really no means of communication with him. That's one reason why I'm not attached, because it's fucking impossible to be attached, there was a strand of hope that held it together, and well, I don't know, let's just say after that episode that little strand has been replaced with a strand of realization..
*sigh*
no, something is not quite right..
I have really no emotions for him.
We were sitting in Salsarita's and it was absolutely boring. It was only interesting when I went to Bi-lo by myself to buy some cowtails and ferror rochers' then when I went into the Living Room. And the living room only got interesting when Jamie and I were talking to each other via scrabble pieces. And even that got boorish so we moved onto asking each other trivial pursuit questions which got boorish but we did it anyway, and the man who was playing piano took a break and came over and I requested "Firefly" and he said he didn't know it..
I call her fire..
fire fly,
why can't i?
latch on to your know how?
oh how, i love ya but gee,
why ya set the night on fire..
fly..
shine a little light on me,
but when i get her there
set her there
do i get to pet her there?
and grab me some glow,
no she's a mad about
gadabout,
luring every lad about,
while leavin' me moaning low
anyway..
.
So he ended up playing it's only a paper moon, which is good, i like that too. I eventually got so bored with trivial pursuit, when it got to my time to ask a question i said, "Why do you want me?" because I was hoping for a "I don't know, I thought I did, but now I don't think I do." or something because he looked pretty well...off in lala world, anyway he just looked at me and smiled and was like astonished or something and said "because of moments like this when I'm left speechless" and then he hugged me, in public, and I felt weird because there was the piano man and some children...but I didn't say "Something is not quite right" Then later when we were walking out, he hugged me really hard, I hugged back this time, I don't know, I kissed him on the cheek and said "goodnite jamie" , then he asked me a question, I thought it was "Will you take me home?" and I said "yes." and he was like "great!" and then I feared that entire car ride it was a different question..
it was.
I got online and he basically said I agreed to taking him back.
Taking him back?
Yes, taking him back.
So, I've taken him back, but it isn't like I'm going to be attached.
Then what's the point of having him back?
I'm not sure, don't want to hurt his feelings?
I know he's going to be off making out with more girls, and I know his phone isn't working so there's really no means of communication with him. That's one reason why I'm not attached, because it's fucking impossible to be attached, there was a strand of hope that held it together, and well, I don't know, let's just say after that episode that little strand has been replaced with a strand of realization..
*sigh*
no, something is not quite right..
Friday, May 27, 2005
Somewhere a queen is weeping,
somewhere a king has no wife..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So Jamie made out with a girl named Tara and I left him and Nick isn't over Quincey.
XP
Comical, ain't it?
Here:
Ooo, darlin, don't ya know? the darkness comes and the darkness goes, Oh babe why don't you just let me go? Happiness ain't ever how you think it should be so. *runs away* ----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: The Boy Done Wrong Again Date: May 27, 2005 5:58 AM this is where you are wrong, i do not like tara if i did there would be no problem, i like you, and i will not "just get over you" tara is nice and all, but you are the one that i want. i realize that i fucked up but while beating myself up over this i realized just how much i care for you. please please don't let it happen this way tory, i love you. i really do, and i don't want this to be over, i cant let that happen, you make me so happy, and i don't want to go through this summer without you, i can't bear the thought of this ending. tara is great but you are a million times better, and i'll do anything i can to still have one great summer with you <3-jamie href="http://www.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=3637343&Mytoken=20050527055118">Victorius Date: May 25, 2005 11:22 PM T15WIT [11:13 P.M.]: lol T15WIT [11:13 P.M.]: good T15WIT [11:13 P.M.]: please stay neutral T15WIT [11:13 P.M.]: question skaTASTIC x [11:13 P.M.]: hehe...i am. T15WIT [11:13 P.M.]: does tara like jamie? skaTASTIC x [11:14 P.M.]: does tara like jamie...okay...in honesty...she does. She tells him she doesnt. She tells the world she doesnt. she tell me she does. skaTASTIC x [11:14 P.M.]: Now..does jamie like tara? Don't know. skaTASTIC x [11:14 P.M.]: He tells me he doesnt skaTASTIC x [11:14 P.M.]: then he goes skaTASTIC x [11:14 P.M.]: "well...." skaTASTIC x [11:14 P.M.]: "no" skaTASTIC x [11:14 P.M.]: so *shrug* T15WIT [11:14 P.M.]: Then I do not want to be in the way of Tara. T15WIT [11:14 P.M.]: Because A) she's closer in age and proximity T15WIT [11:14 P.M.]: and B) they'd get a long better T15WIT [11:15 P.M.]: And I shall tell this to Mr. Sessions tomorrow T15WIT [11:15 P.M.]: because I hate to be in someone's way T15WIT [11:15 P.M.]: It isn't me T15WIT [11:15 P.M.]: and plus, I've got Julien, lol T15WIT [11:15 P.M.]: and a pillow to hug at night skaTASTIC x [11:15 P.M.]: *staying neutral* T15WIT [11:15 P.M.]: :) skaTASTIC x [11:15 P.M.]: I love you though...<3 href="http://www.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=3074541&Mytoken=20050525202117">William, it was really nothing Date: May 25, 2005 4:10 PM although i doubt you still have the desire to go anywhere with me at all i'd do anythinh to ahve that chance ----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: Victorius Date: May 23, 2005 10:15 PM oh god, i'm gonna have to attempt this spelling..oh well i've been trying to think of/say correctly the name.. *sigh* Wanna go to.. sals.. Salsiritas? No.. Salistras.. maybe no.. gah! That mexican joint you enjoy so much? mainly due to the fact that i'm craving mexican and probably will be in the future.. so if you want to go sometime.. yeah.. *gives up attempt* *walks away* ----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: William, it was really nothing Date: May 23, 2005 6:10 PM phone+coca cola= dead ph..no calling i'm sorry i love you though <3 href="http://www.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=3637343&Mytoken=20050523180901">Victorius Date: May 23, 2005 11:21 AM yo sexy dork, Call me tonite. *bambi eyes* pleeease???? -tory
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I didn't know whether to do the Duncan Sheik thing or say "Anything? How about pay for my dinner at Salsaritas' with you? :p"
But I decided to be single. It's true, those two are very cute. Yes, of course I like Jamie, alot. And yes I would forgive him in an instant if it weren't for Tara really liking him. I can't do that to a person, I can't have them like someone and not get what they want. Yeah, I'll miss him, oh well.
Yes, Nick got with Quincey, congrats to those two, I was stupid to ever let anyone know that I had a crush on them. Oh well.
Song playing: Sunday Morning, Maroon 5
See ya
somewhere a king has no wife..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So Jamie made out with a girl named Tara and I left him and Nick isn't over Quincey.
XP
Comical, ain't it?
Here:
Ooo, darlin, don't ya know? the darkness comes and the darkness goes, Oh babe why don't you just let me go? Happiness ain't ever how you think it should be so. *runs away* ----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: The Boy Done Wrong Again Date: May 27, 2005 5:58 AM this is where you are wrong, i do not like tara if i did there would be no problem, i like you, and i will not "just get over you" tara is nice and all, but you are the one that i want. i realize that i fucked up but while beating myself up over this i realized just how much i care for you. please please don't let it happen this way tory, i love you. i really do, and i don't want this to be over, i cant let that happen, you make me so happy, and i don't want to go through this summer without you, i can't bear the thought of this ending. tara is great but you are a million times better, and i'll do anything i can to still have one great summer with you <3-jamie href="http://www.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=3637343&Mytoken=20050527055118">Victorius Date: May 25, 2005 11:22 PM T15WIT [11:13 P.M.]: lol T15WIT [11:13 P.M.]: good T15WIT [11:13 P.M.]: please stay neutral T15WIT [11:13 P.M.]: question skaTASTIC x [11:13 P.M.]: hehe...i am. T15WIT [11:13 P.M.]: does tara like jamie? skaTASTIC x [11:14 P.M.]: does tara like jamie...okay...in honesty...she does. She tells him she doesnt. She tells the world she doesnt. she tell me she does. skaTASTIC x [11:14 P.M.]: Now..does jamie like tara? Don't know. skaTASTIC x [11:14 P.M.]: He tells me he doesnt skaTASTIC x [11:14 P.M.]: then he goes skaTASTIC x [11:14 P.M.]: "well...." skaTASTIC x [11:14 P.M.]: "no" skaTASTIC x [11:14 P.M.]: so *shrug* T15WIT [11:14 P.M.]: Then I do not want to be in the way of Tara. T15WIT [11:14 P.M.]: Because A) she's closer in age and proximity T15WIT [11:14 P.M.]: and B) they'd get a long better T15WIT [11:15 P.M.]: And I shall tell this to Mr. Sessions tomorrow T15WIT [11:15 P.M.]: because I hate to be in someone's way T15WIT [11:15 P.M.]: It isn't me T15WIT [11:15 P.M.]: and plus, I've got Julien, lol T15WIT [11:15 P.M.]: and a pillow to hug at night skaTASTIC x [11:15 P.M.]: *staying neutral* T15WIT [11:15 P.M.]: :) skaTASTIC x [11:15 P.M.]: I love you though...<3 href="http://www.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=3074541&Mytoken=20050525202117">William, it was really nothing Date: May 25, 2005 4:10 PM although i doubt you still have the desire to go anywhere with me at all i'd do anythinh to ahve that chance ----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: Victorius Date: May 23, 2005 10:15 PM oh god, i'm gonna have to attempt this spelling..oh well i've been trying to think of/say correctly the name.. *sigh* Wanna go to.. sals.. Salsiritas? No.. Salistras.. maybe no.. gah! That mexican joint you enjoy so much? mainly due to the fact that i'm craving mexican and probably will be in the future.. so if you want to go sometime.. yeah.. *gives up attempt* *walks away* ----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: William, it was really nothing Date: May 23, 2005 6:10 PM phone+coca cola= dead ph..no calling i'm sorry i love you though <3 href="http://www.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=3637343&Mytoken=20050523180901">Victorius Date: May 23, 2005 11:21 AM yo sexy dork, Call me tonite. *bambi eyes* pleeease???? -tory
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I didn't know whether to do the Duncan Sheik thing or say "Anything? How about pay for my dinner at Salsaritas' with you? :p"
But I decided to be single. It's true, those two are very cute. Yes, of course I like Jamie, alot. And yes I would forgive him in an instant if it weren't for Tara really liking him. I can't do that to a person, I can't have them like someone and not get what they want. Yeah, I'll miss him, oh well.
Yes, Nick got with Quincey, congrats to those two, I was stupid to ever let anyone know that I had a crush on them. Oh well.
Song playing: Sunday Morning, Maroon 5
See ya
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
"Finding Out True Love is Blind" Louis XIV
Ah, so I don't have a job for the summer.
No guys.
No boys for Ms. Richardson.
Do I mind?
Nah.
But she does have a Fischer Esterfication Lab Report.
And Ms. Huggins assigned her to read "As I Lay Dying" by Faulkner as well as the Poisonwood bible..
I'm reading "In Cold Blood" right now, I'm right at the part where Dick and Perry are caught in Las Vegas..
I feel pretty good.
What's gonna happen this summer?
Not a lot.
..
who am I kiddin?
No guys.
No boys for Ms. Richardson.
Do I mind?
Nah.
But she does have a Fischer Esterfication Lab Report.
And Ms. Huggins assigned her to read "As I Lay Dying" by Faulkner as well as the Poisonwood bible..
I'm reading "In Cold Blood" right now, I'm right at the part where Dick and Perry are caught in Las Vegas..
I feel pretty good.
What's gonna happen this summer?
Not a lot.
..
who am I kiddin?
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Et toi?
Ah, so I have a job for the summer.
No, It's been mentioned, lemme change that
Ah, so I was told about a job that I want for the summer.
It is 9AM to 4 PM monday through friday 9 dollars an hour
So let us calculate
6 X 9 = 54
54 X 5= 270
Deduct Taxes (let's just evenly say 250)
So, 250 a week.
I miss one week in June, and I would quit the second week of August (going on a family trip then straight to school) So this would leave me 8 weeks
8 X 250 = 2000
what do i do during this job? From what I am told, I sit and answer the phone and hand mail to the people who live in condos, this leaves lots of free time and it would leave time for me to read a whooole lot (perhaps prepare myself for french 3 in the fall?)
Or I could bus at Pat and Mikes (Always packed, good tips)
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.........
No, It's been mentioned, lemme change that
Ah, so I was told about a job that I want for the summer.
It is 9AM to 4 PM monday through friday 9 dollars an hour
So let us calculate
6 X 9 = 54
54 X 5= 270
Deduct Taxes (let's just evenly say 250)
So, 250 a week.
I miss one week in June, and I would quit the second week of August (going on a family trip then straight to school) So this would leave me 8 weeks
8 X 250 = 2000
what do i do during this job? From what I am told, I sit and answer the phone and hand mail to the people who live in condos, this leaves lots of free time and it would leave time for me to read a whooole lot (perhaps prepare myself for french 3 in the fall?)
Or I could bus at Pat and Mikes (Always packed, good tips)
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.........
Monday, May 16, 2005
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,15301898-17001,00.html
heehehehhee...
So right when I find out I am Jamie’s girlfriend..Nicholas appears
RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:29 P.M.]: Nice away message...Happy belated birfday, yo!Auto response from T15WIT [6:29 P.M.]: The world would be a better place if homework did not exist. T15WIT [6:30 P.M.]: heh, thanks T15WIT [6:30 P.M.]: ah, so mr. perrone T15WIT [6:30 P.M.]: how's life been treatin' you lately? RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:30 P.M.]: eh, okayRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:31 P.M.]: Finally put in my notice at BWWT15WIT [6:31 P.M.]: dit-toe T15WIT [6:31 P.M.]: oh? RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:31 P.M.]: so those bastards wont piss me off any moreT15WIT [6:31 P.M.]: got an app. for pat and mikes T15WIT [6:31 P.M.]: only to find out that they no longer need bussers, but they'll contact me as soon as they need one RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:31 P.M.]: [rejected]T15WIT [6:31 P.M.]: aka, i'll be searchin for other places, but i don't mind T15WIT [6:31 P.M.]: exactly. RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:32 P.M.]: ive been very antisocial latelyRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:32 P.M.]: completely avoiding communication with everyoneRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:32 P.M.]: even at workT15WIT [6:32 P.M.]: or at least me :p T15WIT [6:32 P.M.]: jp RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:32 P.M.]: dont think I said anyhting but "heard" or "order up"T15WIT [6:32 P.M.]: i hate birthdays T15WIT [6:32 P.M.]: i used to love them, but i hated this one RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:32 P.M.]: aw, why?T15WIT [6:33 P.M.]: because it wasn't on biker weekend, on biker weekend my dad's working, my mom's working my siblings are gone, and i'm home alone, and there's serenity, but this weekend my dad was shouting my mom was shouting, my siblings were crying it was awfully hectic T15WIT [6:33 P.M.]: oh well, they gave me phantom of the opera on dvd, a nice b-day gift, so it's all good i guess RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:33 P.M.]: haha niceRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:34 P.M.]: sorry I never got back to you about the sunday beach thingRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:34 P.M.]: they doubled up my hours since i out i my noticeRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:34 P.M.]: errRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:34 P.M.]: put in*RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:34 P.M.]: and I never heard back from julienT15WIT [6:34 P.M.]: it's okay, julien told me he wasn't going, and then i asked him later that day if he wanted to go somewhere (aka get me outta this house) but he told me he was already at the beach....losuh T15WIT [6:34 P.M.]: oh well T15WIT [6:34 P.M.]: Yeah, RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:35 P.M.]: lolRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:35 P.M.]: he just went by himself?T15WIT [6:35 P.M.]: nah with friends of his and family RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:35 P.M.]: damnT15WIT [6:35 P.M.]: heh RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:35 P.M.]: he rejected yo assT15WIT [6:35 P.M.]: reeeejected RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:36 P.M.]: damn fagT15WIT [6:36 P.M.]: it was all good, i needed sleep because i didn't get home till 2 am on sat. night T15WIT [6:36 P.M.]: lol, really T15WIT [6:36 P.M.]: although, i love his messages RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:36 P.M.]: 2am?T15WIT [6:36 P.M.]: "Hey woman, i'm off work, let's do something" T15WIT [6:36 P.M.]: yup, prom with mrytle beach kids T15WIT [6:36 P.M.]: ended up with a waffle house RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:36 P.M.]: ohhhh yeah how did that goT15WIT [6:36 P.M.]: and an odd breakfast T15WIT [6:36 P.M.]: heh, interesting T15WIT [6:37 P.M.]: i danced like a muthafucka cuz i didn't know anyone there so i didn't have to worry about embarrassment T15WIT [6:37 P.M.]: also, i acted like i didn't speak french "Que? No anglai monsieur." T15WIT [6:37 P.M.]: or w/e T15WIT [6:37 P.M.]: i mean didn't speak english T15WIT [6:37 P.M.]: and spoke french.. T15WIT [6:37 P.M.]: whatever RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:38 P.M.]: lolT15WIT [6:38 P.M.]: why have you been so antisocial? RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:38 P.M.]: at least you didnt go as a fuckin mimeT15WIT [6:38 P.M.]: or is it for the same reason why i've been in an off mood? T15WIT [6:38 P.M.]: heh, true true RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:38 P.M.]: *slaps ben*T15WIT [6:39 P.M.]: but i did end up chasing a frog T15WIT [6:39 P.M.]: oh god, he deserves it RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:39 P.M.]: well first off, it's these FUCKING BIKERS WHO WONT STFU AND ARE CRANKING THEIR BIKES AS I TYPET15WIT [6:39 P.M.]: I had to stand outside while he's making out with katie...fucking nasty ass RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:39 P.M.]: ewwwT15WIT [6:39 P.M.]: hey now! those bikers are paying for my online time in the end of it all T15WIT [6:39 P.M.]: I know.. T15WIT [6:39 P.M.]: and my batteries to my CD player died T15WIT [6:40 P.M.]: so I sat outside with headphones on, pretending not to hear the slurping...icky RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:40 P.M.]: i hope those fuckers all get in a wreck and break their necksRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:40 P.M.]: loudass country music playing cocksuckersT15WIT [6:40 P.M.]: ew fuck, no those bikers aren't paying for me f that RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:40 P.M.]: aw, I'm sorryT15WIT [6:40 P.M.]: lol it's okay T15WIT [6:40 P.M.]: kinda used to those two now RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:40 P.M.]: lolT15WIT [6:41 P.M.]: I have biker friends T15WIT [6:41 P.M.]: well...they're 60... T15WIT [6:41 P.M.]: but they're awesome RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:41 P.M.]: nice...RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:41 P.M.]: I fully intend to buy a bike as soon as I have the money for itT15WIT [6:41 P.M.]: yes, they're like the grandparents i never had T15WIT [6:41 P.M.]: I was considering buying a bike but then I thought "what happens when it rains?" T15WIT [6:41 P.M.]: so i decided for next best thing, a convertible T15WIT [6:42 P.M.]: but a bike sounds pretty good sometimes RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:42 P.M.]: well, im sure i could find a bike somewhere for 8kRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:42 P.M.]: cant be that expensive, right?T15WIT [6:42 P.M.]: hah. T15WIT [6:43 P.M.]: depends how good the quality you want it to be T15WIT [6:43 P.M.]: some of those suckers run for at least 30 RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:44 P.M.]: if I ever get a non crotch rocket, it will look like thisRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:44 P.M.]: http://www.yamaha-motor.com/assets/products/mcy/general/media_content_unit0111596bb8.jpg T15WIT [6:44 P.M.]: sweet. RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:44 P.M.]: err wait, that is a crotch rocketT15WIT [6:44 P.M.]: hehehe RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:44 P.M.]: yeah, thatT15WIT [6:45 P.M.]: still is sexy RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:46 P.M.]: fuck, i dont care about APR, gimme the damn priceT15WIT [6:46 P.M.]: i'd suggest... T15WIT [6:46 P.M.]: h/o T15WIT [6:46 P.M.]: nah forget it RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:46 P.M.]: ?T15WIT [6:46 P.M.]: i was gonna go to this website that used to have prices of bikes T15WIT [6:46 P.M.]: but i lost it T15WIT [6:46 P.M.]: brb RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:47 P.M.]: http://www.xtremepowersports.com/Discount_Yamaha_Motorcycles_-_/discount_yamaha_motorcycles_-_.html RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:48 P.M.]: http://www.yamahaaccy.com/images/newvehicle/500/05_yzf600r_slv_3_3528.jpg RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:48 P.M.]: I can get that for 7kT15WIT [6:48 P.M.]: h/o i'm checking out one that had a photo T15WIT [6:48 P.M.]: oh man T15WIT [6:48 P.M.]: it looked sweet T15WIT [6:48 P.M.]: heh T15WIT [6:48 P.M.]: i could see you behind that too T15WIT [6:49 P.M.]: 05 Roadstar Midnite RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:49 P.M.]: I'd want black thoughT15WIT [6:49 P.M.]: i liked that one RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:49 P.M.]: http://www.yamahaaccy.com/newmodelsinfo.aspx?mid=18&yr=2005 RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:50 P.M.]: in stockRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:50 P.M.]: 10,175T15WIT [6:50 P.M.]: yeah T15WIT [6:50 P.M.]: oh well, i've been paying off for the mustang and i'm quite fond of red T15WIT [6:50 P.M.]: but never on a bike T15WIT [6:50 P.M.]: oh man T15WIT [6:50 P.M.]: one time T15WIT [6:50 P.M.]: i saw this lime green and black one RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:50 P.M.]: http://www.yamahaaccy.com/images/newvehicle/500/05_rdstrMid_blk_1_3528.jpg T15WIT [6:50 P.M.]: that one was pretty hot RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:50 P.M.]: yeahRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:50 P.M.]: i like that color comboRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:50 P.M.]: or black and redT15WIT [6:50 P.M.]: yeah T15WIT [6:51 P.M.]: or black and bright neon blue RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:51 P.M.]: I want a helmet that I can spray logos on myselfT15WIT [6:51 P.M.]: hey that sounds liek the colours in a chatroom RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:51 P.M.]: and maybe mount some horns on itT15WIT [6:51 P.M.]: *tries to hold back laughter* T15WIT [6:51 P.M.]: Nick! The viking! T15WIT [6:51 P.M.]: haahahhaa T15WIT [6:51 P.M.]: oh man RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:51 P.M.]: no seriously, that would rockT15WIT [6:51 P.M.]: that would be kci kass T15WIT [6:51 P.M.]: no T15WIT [6:51 P.M.]: well whatever RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:51 P.M.]: either those really tiny little pointsT15WIT [6:51 P.M.]: i saw you driving a bike in huge viking horns on the outside T15WIT [6:52 P.M.]: oh man! the guy in the old couple has a hat like that! RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:52 P.M.]: yeahRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:52 P.M.]: thats what I wantRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:52 P.M.]: on the helmT15WIT [6:53 P.M.]: my dad wanted a bike, my mom suggested water skis because if he fell he wouldn't hit concrete but would only hit water T15WIT [6:53 P.M.]: actually, my grandfather bought a bike when he found out he had cancer..thought he should've lived it up while he could RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:53 P.M.]: http://www.uk-motorcycle-accessories.co.uk/acatalog/r1656.jpg RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:53 P.M.]: ROFLRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:53 P.M.]: that one looks like shitT15WIT [6:53 P.M.]: omg T15WIT [6:54 P.M.]: somebody out there owns that too T15WIT [6:54 P.M.]: someone from EUROPE T15WIT [6:54 P.M.]: loser europeans RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:54 P.M.]: yeahRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:54 P.M.]: http://www.motorcyclebuzz.com/Images/Media/Motorcycle-Buzz/MediaCat42.jpg T15WIT [6:54 P.M.]: Nick, I do believe you need a motorcycle to go with yer leather jacket. RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:54 P.M.]: haha, that jacket is shitT15WIT [6:55 P.M.]: you can *cough* gimme your car.. *bambi eyes* T15WIT [6:55 P.M.]: I wear my mom's leather jacket, I own a black jean one that I adore, but leather feels better RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:55 P.M.]: why would I give you my car?T15WIT [6:55 P.M.]: because you would no longer need it when you have a bike? RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:55 P.M.]: you have a fucking mustangT15WIT [6:55 P.M.]: so? T15WIT [6:55 P.M.]: I can sell it. RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:55 P.M.]: greedy bastidT15WIT [6:56 P.M.]: bastid, is that the female form??? I never heard that T15WIT [6:56 P.M.]: cool T15WIT [6:56 P.M.]: i'm a bastid. T15WIT [6:56 P.M.]: bast-ahd T15WIT [6:56 P.M.]: that's you :) RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:56 P.M.]: The most important piece of motorcycle safety equipment that you can buy is a helmet. Every rider benefits from wearing a helmet, no matter how great or how little their level of experience. In order to choose a helmet that offers the most protection without sacrificing comfort or style, the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration offers some guidelines.RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:57 P.M.]: Make sure that your helmet meets the Department of Transportation's (DOT) Federal Motor Vehicle Safety Standard (FMVSS) 218. First, look for the DOT symbol on the outside back of the helmet. Then, look for a label inside the helmet stating the manufacturer's name, month and year of manufacture, construction materials, helmet model and size, and owner information. A complying helmet must have both labels.T15WIT [6:57 P.M.]: yup. helmets are pretty good. RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:57 P.M.]: Full-face helmets offer the most protection in a collision. Plastic face shields protect you from wind, dust, rain, insects, and road debris thrown up from cars. If you buy a helmet without a face shield, be sure to wear goggles to protect your eyes. Remember, a windshield is not an adequate substitute for a face shield or goggles. And neither are eyeglasses as they cannot keep your eyes from watering and are easily dislodged.T15WIT [6:58 P.M.]: Eh, I always liked the kinds that had radios in them T15WIT [6:58 P.M.]: I'd rather hear music than the wind blowing past my ears RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:58 P.M.]: A design such as the German Army style or skull cap style may be a clue to an unsafe helmet. Generally, unsafe helmets are noticeably smaller in diameter and thinner than ones meeting the DOT standard.T15WIT [6:58 P.M.]: heh RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:58 P.M.]: stupid nazisT15WIT [6:58 P.M.]: Nick, no chance with your helmet RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:59 P.M.]: Brightly colored helmets increase your visibility to other vehicles. Add reflective tape on the back and sides of the helmet for even greater visibility.RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:59 P.M.]: how about a pink helm?T15WIT [6:59 P.M.]: how about you just put a sign up saying "I'm gay!" RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:59 P.M.]: but I'm...notT15WIT [6:59 P.M.]: uh-huh T15WIT [6:59 P.M.]: pink helmet... RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [7:00 P.M.]: lolRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [7:01 P.M.]: my mom is making me go do errandsRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [7:01 P.M.]: since her back hurtsT15WIT [7:01 P.M.]: my back hurts... RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [7:01 P.M.]: *sigh*T15WIT [7:01 P.M.]: well no it doesn't T15WIT [7:01 P.M.]: i'm sorry to hear that T15WIT [7:01 P.M.]: pick me up and make it more interesting, T15WIT [7:01 P.M.]: jp T15WIT [7:01 P.M.]: what errands? *Go pick up my weekly crack at teh whorehouse down mainstreet* RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [7:02 P.M.]: how did you know? *gasp*T15WIT [7:02 P.M.]: I work at the whore house on mainstreet ;) RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [7:02 P.M.]: wish I did have time to pick you up...hehe....but perhaps some other time = )RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [7:02 P.M.]: but I need to goT15WIT [7:02 P.M.]: http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,15301898-17001,00.html T15WIT [7:02 P.M.]: have fun, kiddo RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [7:03 P.M.]: I willT15WIT [7:03 P.M.]: hehe RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [7:03 P.M.]: loadsT15WIT [7:03 P.M.]: *rolls eyes* RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [7:03 P.M.]: goodbye T15WIT [7:03 P.M.]: adieu RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 signed off at 7:03 P.M.
How about I explain my love life? Does that work? Yes I shall.
I left Mr. True in March. More so he left me…
“Tory - you're a sociopath with ADD who will most likely become a successful and loathsome figure just like the father you hate, and you'll have a great life at the expense of the weaker persons around you. Just go to the Governor's School, get on with your life, and go away.”
Anyway..I just went away from him even though he wanted me back, I just left numbly…I really had a great time with Carson, but it was slowly fading..it really had. I did love him. He’s the only guy I have ever felt an emotion like that for…
But where am I now?
Let us skip the month of march and early april where I called James one time and I looked at the grey skies and in an odd way hated but enjoyed being alone.
Let us skip to end of April, where I was “hooked” up with a boy named Brandon. Brandon truly doesn’t matter, I kissed him yes, in a car goodbye on our one date, on the cheek. He scares me, he hovered near my friends and he never really talked…go figure…
Then I met Jamie.
canmewda [1:17 P.M.]: your life canmewda [1:17 P.M.]: had been livedcanmewda [1:17 P.M.]: but not completelyT15WIT [1:17 P.M.]: saw an old post that reminded me of something from your post canmewda [1:17 P.M.]: wahtT15WIT [1:17 P.M.]: yours: i've been talknig a lot lately to this girl naemd tory, she seems cool, really cool. however she is odd at times, i start to think that she may like me, and i know i could like her if she'd let me, but other times it seems like she almost pushes me away, it's confusing, oh well... T15WIT [1:17 P.M.]: mine: T15WIT [1:18 P.M.]: And then Sara pointed out on the bus that I push him away and hit him and stuff. Whoa, I'm abusive, hey now, I also remembering seeing in Carson's blogspot a loong time ago, how he thought I didn't want him, something to do with Chelsea making me hate him or something. Now thinking it over, whenever I liked a guy, a didn't actually treat them nicely, and I never confessed to anyone I liked them, till I told Carson. I've never been nice to a guy before, T15WIT [1:18 P.M.]: I might have punched them, or teased them, or even in the end win their money with poker and that's all, I mean hell in sixth grade, I liked a guy and I painted his nails pink when he messed with my room.*long story, don't ask* Hmm...I am rude to guys I like, I think I gotta change that canmewda [1:18 P.M.]: hehcanmewda [1:19 P.M.]: yescanmewda [1:19 P.M.]: so why are you satan to people you likeT15WIT [1:20 P.M.]: *shrugs* canmewda [1:20 P.M.]: hmmmmT15WIT [1:20 P.M.]: hellifiknow, i think it's a curse canmewda [1:20 P.M.]: well its part of the reason that i've come to like so it may not necessarily be a curseT15WIT [1:20 P.M.]: heh T15WIT [1:21 P.M.]: yay T15WIT [1:21 P.M.]: it works! canmewda [1:21 P.M.]: not that you are satan, but taht you can converse with me, trade witty quips and debate over thingscanmewda [1:22 P.M.]: i dont like people taht change their minds to agree and you and i can debate over things on a level not many people canT15WIT [1:22 P.M.]: and deep down long for hugs, yet still be able to push people away when the thing i want most is them T15WIT [1:22 P.M.]: i believe it's a curse canmewda [1:22 P.M.]: hmmmcanmewda [1:22 P.M.]: but you now oyu know mecanmewda [1:23 P.M.]: and i'm the guy taht will risk life and limb for that hug even if you push me awatcanmewda [1:23 P.M.]: *awayT15WIT [1:23 P.M.]: heh canmewda [1:23 P.M.]: i believe that is part of what makes me like youcanmewda [1:23 P.M.]: and also what makes you stand out as a person to meT15WIT [1:24 P.M.]: heh, i'm getting into two deep conversations canmewda [1:24 P.M.]: lolcanmewda [1:24 P.M.]: well i have to go real sooncanmewda [1:24 P.M.]: but i dont want to leaveT15WIT [1:24 P.M.]: alrighty T15WIT [1:24 P.M.]: It's your life, kiddo. T15WIT [1:24 P.M.]: You know T15WIT [1:24 P.M.]: I always say that T15WIT [1:25 P.M.]: I say "Do what you want to do, it's your life" T15WIT [1:25 P.M.]: and then I end up worrying the hell about those people in life canmewda [1:25 P.M.]: it may be my life but i always jsut want others ot be happyT15WIT [1:25 P.M.]: perhaps you're an actor too T15WIT [1:25 P.M.]: no, you defenitely aren't canmewda [1:25 P.M.]: i'm quite openT15WIT [1:26 P.M.]: i seem open T15WIT [1:26 P.M.]: i have characters that are open :) T15WIT [1:26 P.M.]: but in all truth, i'm just an actor, an enigmatic character to society that has trouble opening up to people T15WIT [1:26 P.M.]: which might be why i'm not good with being next to people T15WIT [1:26 P.M.]: hell, took a month to kiss a person in public canmewda [1:26 P.M.]: and once again i question whether or not i like you or the character i've come ot know you asT15WIT [1:27 P.M.]: that's me T15WIT [1:27 P.M.]: but i guess my word isn't good canmewda [1:27 P.M.]: nopecanmewda [1:27 P.M.]: you could be the charachter coveringT15WIT [1:27 P.M.]: because as i always say "It ain't lyin; tis acting." T15WIT [1:27 P.M.]: you gotta go canmewda [1:28 P.M.]: nopecanmewda [1:28 P.M.]: not yetcanmewda [1:28 P.M.]: i'll tell you whenT15WIT [1:28 P.M.]: okay T15WIT [1:28 P.M.]: hmm T15WIT [1:28 P.M.]: me= the girl who says jamie kinda french like T15WIT [1:28 P.M.]: jamie T15WIT [1:28 P.M.]: anyway canmewda [1:29 P.M.]: well if oyu are a charachter do me favor and keep it up if nothing else let me enjoy you for a while until i have to leaveT15WIT [1:29 P.M.]: heh, i shall promise to be myself canmewda [1:30 P.M.]: well whatever i like i want to continue to likeT15WIT [1:31 P.M.]: okay T15WIT [1:31 P.M.]: you know T15WIT [1:31 P.M.]: i like this song alot canmewda [1:31 P.M.]: way ot change the subjesctT15WIT [1:31 P.M.]: "Those were teh days my friend" Mary Hopkins canmewda [1:32 P.M.]: "giving up" silversteinT15WIT [1:32 P.M.]: is that not how you keep conversations burning? by a switch of a subject without pointing it out :p canmewda [1:32 P.M.]: you always seem ot change the subject whenever this is the topic of conversationT15WIT [1:32 P.M.]: I assume that I'm never myself.I just noticed the sentence above was chocked full of teen angst, please ignore it.*sigh* canmewda [1:33 P.M.]: so i like to pint it outT15WIT [1:33 P.M.]: another lj quote there T15WIT [1:33 P.M.]: so many connections canmewda [1:33 P.M.]: hehT15WIT [1:35 P.M.]: whoa T15WIT [1:35 P.M.]: mcarthur park canmewda [1:35 P.M.]: lolT15WIT [1:36 P.M.]: jamie T15WIT [1:37 P.M.]: how's life? T15WIT [1:37 P.M.]: still mediocre? canmewda [1:37 P.M.]: goodcanmewda [1:37 P.M.]: because i got to tlak to youT15WIT [1:37 P.M.]: good T15WIT [1:37 P.M.]: what are your and christine's plans after the play? canmewda [1:38 P.M.]: idk if we are gonigcanmewda [1:38 P.M.]: we are trying to fibd ridesT15WIT [1:38 P.M.]: are you guys? T15WIT [1:38 P.M.]: hahaha T15WIT [1:38 P.M.]: good luck canmewda [1:38 P.M.]: we're tryingcanmewda [1:38 P.M.]: if not know htat i'm wishing you good vibescanmewda [1:38 P.M.]: and that i <3 title="http://photobucket.com/albums/v407/canmewda/Jamie/?action=" current="102_0060.jpg" href="http://photobucket.com/albums/v407/canmewda/Jamie/?action=view¤t=102_0060.jpg">http://photobucket.com/albums/v407/canmewda/Jamie/?action=view¤t=102_0060.jpg canmewda [1:41 P.M.]: i kept that smile pic for a reasonT15WIT [1:41 P.M.]: mine consists of this T15WIT [1:41 P.M.]: : T15WIT [1:41 P.M.]: ^_^ canmewda [1:42 P.M.]: hehT15WIT [1:42 P.M.]: it has a smaller affect but same message canmewda [1:42 P.M.]: heh'canmewda [1:42 P.M.]: i ahve to post pics of me blonde nowcanmewda [1:42 P.M.]: i love itT15WIT [1:42 P.M.]: heh T15WIT [1:42 P.M.]: maybe one day i'll see it canmewda [1:43 P.M.]: well next saturdayT15WIT [1:43 P.M.]: exactly canmewda [1:43 P.M.]: yesT15WIT [1:43 P.M.]: good T15WIT [1:43 P.M.]: *leaves randomly* T15WIT [1:43 P.M.]: <3 canmewda is away at 1:44 P.M. canmewda [1:43 P.M.]: lolAuto response from T15WIT [1:43 P.M.]: Oh I'm sorry I died. Please try to contact me with some chick named Sister Rose at a seance. Thank you. canmewda [1:43 P.M.]: finecanmewda [1:43 P.M.]: <3canmewda [1:44 P.M.]: i heart youcanmewda [1:44 P.M.]: a lotcanmewda [1:44 P.M.]: and now i'm, leavingcanmewda [1:44 P.M.]: and you will be in my thoughts
Now, he’s quite an interesting fellow. Quite. I met him on a date one time where he owed me a box of snowcaps, but instead he ended up getting his leg in a cast. It was a great time. (NLT pervs…) we chatted over the phone quite a lot…I’ll get back to him soon.
Saturday nite on May 7th I was at an after party. It was all good. In November of this school year I had a small crush on a boy named Nicholas, he was a senior and he was chasing after another girl at the time so I slightly gave up on him. When I broke up with Carson I went that weekend to prom where I had flirted with Nick beforehand, he ended up chasing another girl, so I truly ended my emotions for him for good. Well..
On that night he gave me and Julien a ride to Julien’s house (Julien=gay guy buddy bestest evuh) and Nick came to Julien’s house. We all sat on Julien’s couch/bed and Let’s say Nick was close to me…all of us ended up sleeping there for the night (nothing happened like sex, Nick and I…well we made out, okay?) True, yes. I made out with Nick, I really had a surge of emotions go through and he confessed to me how he had always liked me but he was too afraid to show it so he always went to torment his girl “friends”. (both the girls had boyfriends true, but I still think it was flirting, they both told me later that he did have a huge crush on me…but still well..) Nick told me how that was the best night ever. We ended up going on another date (other than seeing him at school and online and over the phone and flirting) and we were supposed to do something alone, but of course Julien needed a ride..soo we ended up feeding duckies at the park, it was really fun actually..
Cut back to Jamie.
I went to prom with Mr. Sessions on Saturday night, (now the whole time I was talking to Jamie I had also flirted with Nicholas) Anywho! I had prom with mr. sessions. Truly, I had not had a crush on Jamie. I loved being held by him from that one date before, but chatting with him and so forth, my emotions were twisted for him…I could not make out if we were friendly or something more? I really began to like Jamie, for unlike Nick I talked to Jamie every night and every night I grew to like him more and more and care about him..erm
So prom occurred, I had one hell of a night. I kissed him.
Let me make it clear, I am not a slut.
I kissed Jamie in the back of a car, I liked it a lot, I liked resting my head on his shoulder much more. I liked Saturday evening, oh I truly did.
So where am I now? Now I am at 7:36 on a Monday night Jamie had just chatted with me to let me know I’m his girlfriend now and Nick just had a conversation with me.
That emotion I felt for mr. true though…I don’t feel it anymore, I have not felt it since I think Febuary, but still I’d like to point out that I have not felt for anyone else other than him yet. But I believe it’s a gradual thing, because I did not feel that emotion for Carson at first either..no not until at least hmm December of wow two years ago?
I should mention James. I have mentioned James enough in my written diary, but I might as well. James is a boy. I used to dream of him, I stopped late april. I don’t think of him really anymore…no! I take it back I even thought of seeing him at the prom I thought of seeing him having him surprise me at the play, he runs through the back of my mind all the time, tis true. I cannot help it. He is a mystery, and he will always be. No, I never did anything to him you perverts. I just…talked to him. Yes I talked to him forever and that’s why he perhaps grabs my attention the most. Even though consciously I put him off, he’s always there..I do not even like him. He’s still in my cellphone, I’ve never spoken to him through my cell phone…he’s a total stranger…
Heh,
Stranger
Mr True
Snowcaps
And Vampire
can you guess who is who?
heehehehhee...
So right when I find out I am Jamie’s girlfriend..Nicholas appears
RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:29 P.M.]: Nice away message...Happy belated birfday, yo!Auto response from T15WIT [6:29 P.M.]: The world would be a better place if homework did not exist. T15WIT [6:30 P.M.]: heh, thanks T15WIT [6:30 P.M.]: ah, so mr. perrone T15WIT [6:30 P.M.]: how's life been treatin' you lately? RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:30 P.M.]: eh, okayRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:31 P.M.]: Finally put in my notice at BWWT15WIT [6:31 P.M.]: dit-toe T15WIT [6:31 P.M.]: oh? RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:31 P.M.]: so those bastards wont piss me off any moreT15WIT [6:31 P.M.]: got an app. for pat and mikes T15WIT [6:31 P.M.]: only to find out that they no longer need bussers, but they'll contact me as soon as they need one RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:31 P.M.]: [rejected]T15WIT [6:31 P.M.]: aka, i'll be searchin for other places, but i don't mind T15WIT [6:31 P.M.]: exactly. RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:32 P.M.]: ive been very antisocial latelyRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:32 P.M.]: completely avoiding communication with everyoneRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:32 P.M.]: even at workT15WIT [6:32 P.M.]: or at least me :p T15WIT [6:32 P.M.]: jp RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:32 P.M.]: dont think I said anyhting but "heard" or "order up"T15WIT [6:32 P.M.]: i hate birthdays T15WIT [6:32 P.M.]: i used to love them, but i hated this one RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:32 P.M.]: aw, why?T15WIT [6:33 P.M.]: because it wasn't on biker weekend, on biker weekend my dad's working, my mom's working my siblings are gone, and i'm home alone, and there's serenity, but this weekend my dad was shouting my mom was shouting, my siblings were crying it was awfully hectic T15WIT [6:33 P.M.]: oh well, they gave me phantom of the opera on dvd, a nice b-day gift, so it's all good i guess RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:33 P.M.]: haha niceRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:34 P.M.]: sorry I never got back to you about the sunday beach thingRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:34 P.M.]: they doubled up my hours since i out i my noticeRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:34 P.M.]: errRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:34 P.M.]: put in*RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:34 P.M.]: and I never heard back from julienT15WIT [6:34 P.M.]: it's okay, julien told me he wasn't going, and then i asked him later that day if he wanted to go somewhere (aka get me outta this house) but he told me he was already at the beach....losuh T15WIT [6:34 P.M.]: oh well T15WIT [6:34 P.M.]: Yeah, RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:35 P.M.]: lolRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:35 P.M.]: he just went by himself?T15WIT [6:35 P.M.]: nah with friends of his and family RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:35 P.M.]: damnT15WIT [6:35 P.M.]: heh RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:35 P.M.]: he rejected yo assT15WIT [6:35 P.M.]: reeeejected RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:36 P.M.]: damn fagT15WIT [6:36 P.M.]: it was all good, i needed sleep because i didn't get home till 2 am on sat. night T15WIT [6:36 P.M.]: lol, really T15WIT [6:36 P.M.]: although, i love his messages RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:36 P.M.]: 2am?T15WIT [6:36 P.M.]: "Hey woman, i'm off work, let's do something" T15WIT [6:36 P.M.]: yup, prom with mrytle beach kids T15WIT [6:36 P.M.]: ended up with a waffle house RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:36 P.M.]: ohhhh yeah how did that goT15WIT [6:36 P.M.]: and an odd breakfast T15WIT [6:36 P.M.]: heh, interesting T15WIT [6:37 P.M.]: i danced like a muthafucka cuz i didn't know anyone there so i didn't have to worry about embarrassment T15WIT [6:37 P.M.]: also, i acted like i didn't speak french "Que? No anglai monsieur." T15WIT [6:37 P.M.]: or w/e T15WIT [6:37 P.M.]: i mean didn't speak english T15WIT [6:37 P.M.]: and spoke french.. T15WIT [6:37 P.M.]: whatever RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:38 P.M.]: lolT15WIT [6:38 P.M.]: why have you been so antisocial? RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:38 P.M.]: at least you didnt go as a fuckin mimeT15WIT [6:38 P.M.]: or is it for the same reason why i've been in an off mood? T15WIT [6:38 P.M.]: heh, true true RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:38 P.M.]: *slaps ben*T15WIT [6:39 P.M.]: but i did end up chasing a frog T15WIT [6:39 P.M.]: oh god, he deserves it RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:39 P.M.]: well first off, it's these FUCKING BIKERS WHO WONT STFU AND ARE CRANKING THEIR BIKES AS I TYPET15WIT [6:39 P.M.]: I had to stand outside while he's making out with katie...fucking nasty ass RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:39 P.M.]: ewwwT15WIT [6:39 P.M.]: hey now! those bikers are paying for my online time in the end of it all T15WIT [6:39 P.M.]: I know.. T15WIT [6:39 P.M.]: and my batteries to my CD player died T15WIT [6:40 P.M.]: so I sat outside with headphones on, pretending not to hear the slurping...icky RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:40 P.M.]: i hope those fuckers all get in a wreck and break their necksRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:40 P.M.]: loudass country music playing cocksuckersT15WIT [6:40 P.M.]: ew fuck, no those bikers aren't paying for me f that RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:40 P.M.]: aw, I'm sorryT15WIT [6:40 P.M.]: lol it's okay T15WIT [6:40 P.M.]: kinda used to those two now RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:40 P.M.]: lolT15WIT [6:41 P.M.]: I have biker friends T15WIT [6:41 P.M.]: well...they're 60... T15WIT [6:41 P.M.]: but they're awesome RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:41 P.M.]: nice...RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:41 P.M.]: I fully intend to buy a bike as soon as I have the money for itT15WIT [6:41 P.M.]: yes, they're like the grandparents i never had T15WIT [6:41 P.M.]: I was considering buying a bike but then I thought "what happens when it rains?" T15WIT [6:41 P.M.]: so i decided for next best thing, a convertible T15WIT [6:42 P.M.]: but a bike sounds pretty good sometimes RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:42 P.M.]: well, im sure i could find a bike somewhere for 8kRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:42 P.M.]: cant be that expensive, right?T15WIT [6:42 P.M.]: hah. T15WIT [6:43 P.M.]: depends how good the quality you want it to be T15WIT [6:43 P.M.]: some of those suckers run for at least 30 RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:44 P.M.]: if I ever get a non crotch rocket, it will look like thisRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:44 P.M.]: http://www.yamaha-motor.com/assets/products/mcy/general/media_content_unit0111596bb8.jpg T15WIT [6:44 P.M.]: sweet. RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:44 P.M.]: err wait, that is a crotch rocketT15WIT [6:44 P.M.]: hehehe RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:44 P.M.]: yeah, thatT15WIT [6:45 P.M.]: still is sexy RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:46 P.M.]: fuck, i dont care about APR, gimme the damn priceT15WIT [6:46 P.M.]: i'd suggest... T15WIT [6:46 P.M.]: h/o T15WIT [6:46 P.M.]: nah forget it RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:46 P.M.]: ?T15WIT [6:46 P.M.]: i was gonna go to this website that used to have prices of bikes T15WIT [6:46 P.M.]: but i lost it T15WIT [6:46 P.M.]: brb RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:47 P.M.]: http://www.xtremepowersports.com/Discount_Yamaha_Motorcycles_-_/discount_yamaha_motorcycles_-_.html RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:48 P.M.]: http://www.yamahaaccy.com/images/newvehicle/500/05_yzf600r_slv_3_3528.jpg RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:48 P.M.]: I can get that for 7kT15WIT [6:48 P.M.]: h/o i'm checking out one that had a photo T15WIT [6:48 P.M.]: oh man T15WIT [6:48 P.M.]: it looked sweet T15WIT [6:48 P.M.]: heh T15WIT [6:48 P.M.]: i could see you behind that too T15WIT [6:49 P.M.]: 05 Roadstar Midnite RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:49 P.M.]: I'd want black thoughT15WIT [6:49 P.M.]: i liked that one RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:49 P.M.]: http://www.yamahaaccy.com/newmodelsinfo.aspx?mid=18&yr=2005 RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:50 P.M.]: in stockRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:50 P.M.]: 10,175T15WIT [6:50 P.M.]: yeah T15WIT [6:50 P.M.]: oh well, i've been paying off for the mustang and i'm quite fond of red T15WIT [6:50 P.M.]: but never on a bike T15WIT [6:50 P.M.]: oh man T15WIT [6:50 P.M.]: one time T15WIT [6:50 P.M.]: i saw this lime green and black one RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:50 P.M.]: http://www.yamahaaccy.com/images/newvehicle/500/05_rdstrMid_blk_1_3528.jpg T15WIT [6:50 P.M.]: that one was pretty hot RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:50 P.M.]: yeahRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:50 P.M.]: i like that color comboRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:50 P.M.]: or black and redT15WIT [6:50 P.M.]: yeah T15WIT [6:51 P.M.]: or black and bright neon blue RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:51 P.M.]: I want a helmet that I can spray logos on myselfT15WIT [6:51 P.M.]: hey that sounds liek the colours in a chatroom RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:51 P.M.]: and maybe mount some horns on itT15WIT [6:51 P.M.]: *tries to hold back laughter* T15WIT [6:51 P.M.]: Nick! The viking! T15WIT [6:51 P.M.]: haahahhaa T15WIT [6:51 P.M.]: oh man RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:51 P.M.]: no seriously, that would rockT15WIT [6:51 P.M.]: that would be kci kass T15WIT [6:51 P.M.]: no T15WIT [6:51 P.M.]: well whatever RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:51 P.M.]: either those really tiny little pointsT15WIT [6:51 P.M.]: i saw you driving a bike in huge viking horns on the outside T15WIT [6:52 P.M.]: oh man! the guy in the old couple has a hat like that! RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:52 P.M.]: yeahRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:52 P.M.]: thats what I wantRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:52 P.M.]: on the helmT15WIT [6:53 P.M.]: my dad wanted a bike, my mom suggested water skis because if he fell he wouldn't hit concrete but would only hit water T15WIT [6:53 P.M.]: actually, my grandfather bought a bike when he found out he had cancer..thought he should've lived it up while he could RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:53 P.M.]: http://www.uk-motorcycle-accessories.co.uk/acatalog/r1656.jpg RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:53 P.M.]: ROFLRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:53 P.M.]: that one looks like shitT15WIT [6:53 P.M.]: omg T15WIT [6:54 P.M.]: somebody out there owns that too T15WIT [6:54 P.M.]: someone from EUROPE T15WIT [6:54 P.M.]: loser europeans RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:54 P.M.]: yeahRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:54 P.M.]: http://www.motorcyclebuzz.com/Images/Media/Motorcycle-Buzz/MediaCat42.jpg T15WIT [6:54 P.M.]: Nick, I do believe you need a motorcycle to go with yer leather jacket. RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:54 P.M.]: haha, that jacket is shitT15WIT [6:55 P.M.]: you can *cough* gimme your car.. *bambi eyes* T15WIT [6:55 P.M.]: I wear my mom's leather jacket, I own a black jean one that I adore, but leather feels better RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:55 P.M.]: why would I give you my car?T15WIT [6:55 P.M.]: because you would no longer need it when you have a bike? RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:55 P.M.]: you have a fucking mustangT15WIT [6:55 P.M.]: so? T15WIT [6:55 P.M.]: I can sell it. RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:55 P.M.]: greedy bastidT15WIT [6:56 P.M.]: bastid, is that the female form??? I never heard that T15WIT [6:56 P.M.]: cool T15WIT [6:56 P.M.]: i'm a bastid. T15WIT [6:56 P.M.]: bast-ahd T15WIT [6:56 P.M.]: that's you :) RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:56 P.M.]: The most important piece of motorcycle safety equipment that you can buy is a helmet. Every rider benefits from wearing a helmet, no matter how great or how little their level of experience. In order to choose a helmet that offers the most protection without sacrificing comfort or style, the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration offers some guidelines.RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:57 P.M.]: Make sure that your helmet meets the Department of Transportation's (DOT) Federal Motor Vehicle Safety Standard (FMVSS) 218. First, look for the DOT symbol on the outside back of the helmet. Then, look for a label inside the helmet stating the manufacturer's name, month and year of manufacture, construction materials, helmet model and size, and owner information. A complying helmet must have both labels.T15WIT [6:57 P.M.]: yup. helmets are pretty good. RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:57 P.M.]: Full-face helmets offer the most protection in a collision. Plastic face shields protect you from wind, dust, rain, insects, and road debris thrown up from cars. If you buy a helmet without a face shield, be sure to wear goggles to protect your eyes. Remember, a windshield is not an adequate substitute for a face shield or goggles. And neither are eyeglasses as they cannot keep your eyes from watering and are easily dislodged.T15WIT [6:58 P.M.]: Eh, I always liked the kinds that had radios in them T15WIT [6:58 P.M.]: I'd rather hear music than the wind blowing past my ears RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:58 P.M.]: A design such as the German Army style or skull cap style may be a clue to an unsafe helmet. Generally, unsafe helmets are noticeably smaller in diameter and thinner than ones meeting the DOT standard.T15WIT [6:58 P.M.]: heh RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:58 P.M.]: stupid nazisT15WIT [6:58 P.M.]: Nick, no chance with your helmet RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:59 P.M.]: Brightly colored helmets increase your visibility to other vehicles. Add reflective tape on the back and sides of the helmet for even greater visibility.RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:59 P.M.]: how about a pink helm?T15WIT [6:59 P.M.]: how about you just put a sign up saying "I'm gay!" RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [6:59 P.M.]: but I'm...notT15WIT [6:59 P.M.]: uh-huh T15WIT [6:59 P.M.]: pink helmet... RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [7:00 P.M.]: lolRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [7:01 P.M.]: my mom is making me go do errandsRaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [7:01 P.M.]: since her back hurtsT15WIT [7:01 P.M.]: my back hurts... RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [7:01 P.M.]: *sigh*T15WIT [7:01 P.M.]: well no it doesn't T15WIT [7:01 P.M.]: i'm sorry to hear that T15WIT [7:01 P.M.]: pick me up and make it more interesting, T15WIT [7:01 P.M.]: jp T15WIT [7:01 P.M.]: what errands? *Go pick up my weekly crack at teh whorehouse down mainstreet* RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [7:02 P.M.]: how did you know? *gasp*T15WIT [7:02 P.M.]: I work at the whore house on mainstreet ;) RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [7:02 P.M.]: wish I did have time to pick you up...hehe....but perhaps some other time = )RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [7:02 P.M.]: but I need to goT15WIT [7:02 P.M.]: http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,15301898-17001,00.html T15WIT [7:02 P.M.]: have fun, kiddo RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [7:03 P.M.]: I willT15WIT [7:03 P.M.]: hehe RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [7:03 P.M.]: loadsT15WIT [7:03 P.M.]: *rolls eyes* RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 [7:03 P.M.]: goodbye T15WIT [7:03 P.M.]: adieu RaBiDkOaLaBeAr32 signed off at 7:03 P.M.
How about I explain my love life? Does that work? Yes I shall.
I left Mr. True in March. More so he left me…
“Tory - you're a sociopath with ADD who will most likely become a successful and loathsome figure just like the father you hate, and you'll have a great life at the expense of the weaker persons around you. Just go to the Governor's School, get on with your life, and go away.”
Anyway..I just went away from him even though he wanted me back, I just left numbly…I really had a great time with Carson, but it was slowly fading..it really had. I did love him. He’s the only guy I have ever felt an emotion like that for…
But where am I now?
Let us skip the month of march and early april where I called James one time and I looked at the grey skies and in an odd way hated but enjoyed being alone.
Let us skip to end of April, where I was “hooked” up with a boy named Brandon. Brandon truly doesn’t matter, I kissed him yes, in a car goodbye on our one date, on the cheek. He scares me, he hovered near my friends and he never really talked…go figure…
Then I met Jamie.
canmewda [1:17 P.M.]: your life canmewda [1:17 P.M.]: had been livedcanmewda [1:17 P.M.]: but not completelyT15WIT [1:17 P.M.]: saw an old post that reminded me of something from your post canmewda [1:17 P.M.]: wahtT15WIT [1:17 P.M.]: yours: i've been talknig a lot lately to this girl naemd tory, she seems cool, really cool. however she is odd at times, i start to think that she may like me, and i know i could like her if she'd let me, but other times it seems like she almost pushes me away, it's confusing, oh well... T15WIT [1:17 P.M.]: mine: T15WIT [1:18 P.M.]: And then Sara pointed out on the bus that I push him away and hit him and stuff. Whoa, I'm abusive, hey now, I also remembering seeing in Carson's blogspot a loong time ago, how he thought I didn't want him, something to do with Chelsea making me hate him or something. Now thinking it over, whenever I liked a guy, a didn't actually treat them nicely, and I never confessed to anyone I liked them, till I told Carson. I've never been nice to a guy before, T15WIT [1:18 P.M.]: I might have punched them, or teased them, or even in the end win their money with poker and that's all, I mean hell in sixth grade, I liked a guy and I painted his nails pink when he messed with my room.*long story, don't ask* Hmm...I am rude to guys I like, I think I gotta change that canmewda [1:18 P.M.]: hehcanmewda [1:19 P.M.]: yescanmewda [1:19 P.M.]: so why are you satan to people you likeT15WIT [1:20 P.M.]: *shrugs* canmewda [1:20 P.M.]: hmmmmT15WIT [1:20 P.M.]: hellifiknow, i think it's a curse canmewda [1:20 P.M.]: well its part of the reason that i've come to like so it may not necessarily be a curseT15WIT [1:20 P.M.]: heh T15WIT [1:21 P.M.]: yay T15WIT [1:21 P.M.]: it works! canmewda [1:21 P.M.]: not that you are satan, but taht you can converse with me, trade witty quips and debate over thingscanmewda [1:22 P.M.]: i dont like people taht change their minds to agree and you and i can debate over things on a level not many people canT15WIT [1:22 P.M.]: and deep down long for hugs, yet still be able to push people away when the thing i want most is them T15WIT [1:22 P.M.]: i believe it's a curse canmewda [1:22 P.M.]: hmmmcanmewda [1:22 P.M.]: but you now oyu know mecanmewda [1:23 P.M.]: and i'm the guy taht will risk life and limb for that hug even if you push me awatcanmewda [1:23 P.M.]: *awayT15WIT [1:23 P.M.]: heh canmewda [1:23 P.M.]: i believe that is part of what makes me like youcanmewda [1:23 P.M.]: and also what makes you stand out as a person to meT15WIT [1:24 P.M.]: heh, i'm getting into two deep conversations canmewda [1:24 P.M.]: lolcanmewda [1:24 P.M.]: well i have to go real sooncanmewda [1:24 P.M.]: but i dont want to leaveT15WIT [1:24 P.M.]: alrighty T15WIT [1:24 P.M.]: It's your life, kiddo. T15WIT [1:24 P.M.]: You know T15WIT [1:24 P.M.]: I always say that T15WIT [1:25 P.M.]: I say "Do what you want to do, it's your life" T15WIT [1:25 P.M.]: and then I end up worrying the hell about those people in life canmewda [1:25 P.M.]: it may be my life but i always jsut want others ot be happyT15WIT [1:25 P.M.]: perhaps you're an actor too T15WIT [1:25 P.M.]: no, you defenitely aren't canmewda [1:25 P.M.]: i'm quite openT15WIT [1:26 P.M.]: i seem open T15WIT [1:26 P.M.]: i have characters that are open :) T15WIT [1:26 P.M.]: but in all truth, i'm just an actor, an enigmatic character to society that has trouble opening up to people T15WIT [1:26 P.M.]: which might be why i'm not good with being next to people T15WIT [1:26 P.M.]: hell, took a month to kiss a person in public canmewda [1:26 P.M.]: and once again i question whether or not i like you or the character i've come ot know you asT15WIT [1:27 P.M.]: that's me T15WIT [1:27 P.M.]: but i guess my word isn't good canmewda [1:27 P.M.]: nopecanmewda [1:27 P.M.]: you could be the charachter coveringT15WIT [1:27 P.M.]: because as i always say "It ain't lyin; tis acting." T15WIT [1:27 P.M.]: you gotta go canmewda [1:28 P.M.]: nopecanmewda [1:28 P.M.]: not yetcanmewda [1:28 P.M.]: i'll tell you whenT15WIT [1:28 P.M.]: okay T15WIT [1:28 P.M.]: hmm T15WIT [1:28 P.M.]: me= the girl who says jamie kinda french like T15WIT [1:28 P.M.]: jamie T15WIT [1:28 P.M.]: anyway canmewda [1:29 P.M.]: well if oyu are a charachter do me favor and keep it up if nothing else let me enjoy you for a while until i have to leaveT15WIT [1:29 P.M.]: heh, i shall promise to be myself canmewda [1:30 P.M.]: well whatever i like i want to continue to likeT15WIT [1:31 P.M.]: okay T15WIT [1:31 P.M.]: you know T15WIT [1:31 P.M.]: i like this song alot canmewda [1:31 P.M.]: way ot change the subjesctT15WIT [1:31 P.M.]: "Those were teh days my friend" Mary Hopkins canmewda [1:32 P.M.]: "giving up" silversteinT15WIT [1:32 P.M.]: is that not how you keep conversations burning? by a switch of a subject without pointing it out :p canmewda [1:32 P.M.]: you always seem ot change the subject whenever this is the topic of conversationT15WIT [1:32 P.M.]: I assume that I'm never myself.I just noticed the sentence above was chocked full of teen angst, please ignore it.*sigh* canmewda [1:33 P.M.]: so i like to pint it outT15WIT [1:33 P.M.]: another lj quote there T15WIT [1:33 P.M.]: so many connections canmewda [1:33 P.M.]: hehT15WIT [1:35 P.M.]: whoa T15WIT [1:35 P.M.]: mcarthur park canmewda [1:35 P.M.]: lolT15WIT [1:36 P.M.]: jamie T15WIT [1:37 P.M.]: how's life? T15WIT [1:37 P.M.]: still mediocre? canmewda [1:37 P.M.]: goodcanmewda [1:37 P.M.]: because i got to tlak to youT15WIT [1:37 P.M.]: good T15WIT [1:37 P.M.]: what are your and christine's plans after the play? canmewda [1:38 P.M.]: idk if we are gonigcanmewda [1:38 P.M.]: we are trying to fibd ridesT15WIT [1:38 P.M.]: are you guys? T15WIT [1:38 P.M.]: hahaha T15WIT [1:38 P.M.]: good luck canmewda [1:38 P.M.]: we're tryingcanmewda [1:38 P.M.]: if not know htat i'm wishing you good vibescanmewda [1:38 P.M.]: and that i <3 title="http://photobucket.com/albums/v407/canmewda/Jamie/?action=" current="102_0060.jpg" href="http://photobucket.com/albums/v407/canmewda/Jamie/?action=view¤t=102_0060.jpg">http://photobucket.com/albums/v407/canmewda/Jamie/?action=view¤t=102_0060.jpg canmewda [1:41 P.M.]: i kept that smile pic for a reasonT15WIT [1:41 P.M.]: mine consists of this T15WIT [1:41 P.M.]: : T15WIT [1:41 P.M.]: ^_^ canmewda [1:42 P.M.]: hehT15WIT [1:42 P.M.]: it has a smaller affect but same message canmewda [1:42 P.M.]: heh'canmewda [1:42 P.M.]: i ahve to post pics of me blonde nowcanmewda [1:42 P.M.]: i love itT15WIT [1:42 P.M.]: heh T15WIT [1:42 P.M.]: maybe one day i'll see it canmewda [1:43 P.M.]: well next saturdayT15WIT [1:43 P.M.]: exactly canmewda [1:43 P.M.]: yesT15WIT [1:43 P.M.]: good T15WIT [1:43 P.M.]: *leaves randomly* T15WIT [1:43 P.M.]: <3 canmewda is away at 1:44 P.M. canmewda [1:43 P.M.]: lolAuto response from T15WIT [1:43 P.M.]: Oh I'm sorry I died. Please try to contact me with some chick named Sister Rose at a seance. Thank you. canmewda [1:43 P.M.]: finecanmewda [1:43 P.M.]: <3canmewda [1:44 P.M.]: i heart youcanmewda [1:44 P.M.]: a lotcanmewda [1:44 P.M.]: and now i'm, leavingcanmewda [1:44 P.M.]: and you will be in my thoughts
Now, he’s quite an interesting fellow. Quite. I met him on a date one time where he owed me a box of snowcaps, but instead he ended up getting his leg in a cast. It was a great time. (NLT pervs…) we chatted over the phone quite a lot…I’ll get back to him soon.
Saturday nite on May 7th I was at an after party. It was all good. In November of this school year I had a small crush on a boy named Nicholas, he was a senior and he was chasing after another girl at the time so I slightly gave up on him. When I broke up with Carson I went that weekend to prom where I had flirted with Nick beforehand, he ended up chasing another girl, so I truly ended my emotions for him for good. Well..
On that night he gave me and Julien a ride to Julien’s house (Julien=gay guy buddy bestest evuh) and Nick came to Julien’s house. We all sat on Julien’s couch/bed and Let’s say Nick was close to me…all of us ended up sleeping there for the night (nothing happened like sex, Nick and I…well we made out, okay?) True, yes. I made out with Nick, I really had a surge of emotions go through and he confessed to me how he had always liked me but he was too afraid to show it so he always went to torment his girl “friends”. (both the girls had boyfriends true, but I still think it was flirting, they both told me later that he did have a huge crush on me…but still well..) Nick told me how that was the best night ever. We ended up going on another date (other than seeing him at school and online and over the phone and flirting) and we were supposed to do something alone, but of course Julien needed a ride..soo we ended up feeding duckies at the park, it was really fun actually..
Cut back to Jamie.
I went to prom with Mr. Sessions on Saturday night, (now the whole time I was talking to Jamie I had also flirted with Nicholas) Anywho! I had prom with mr. sessions. Truly, I had not had a crush on Jamie. I loved being held by him from that one date before, but chatting with him and so forth, my emotions were twisted for him…I could not make out if we were friendly or something more? I really began to like Jamie, for unlike Nick I talked to Jamie every night and every night I grew to like him more and more and care about him..erm
So prom occurred, I had one hell of a night. I kissed him.
Let me make it clear, I am not a slut.
I kissed Jamie in the back of a car, I liked it a lot, I liked resting my head on his shoulder much more. I liked Saturday evening, oh I truly did.
So where am I now? Now I am at 7:36 on a Monday night Jamie had just chatted with me to let me know I’m his girlfriend now and Nick just had a conversation with me.
That emotion I felt for mr. true though…I don’t feel it anymore, I have not felt it since I think Febuary, but still I’d like to point out that I have not felt for anyone else other than him yet. But I believe it’s a gradual thing, because I did not feel that emotion for Carson at first either..no not until at least hmm December of wow two years ago?
I should mention James. I have mentioned James enough in my written diary, but I might as well. James is a boy. I used to dream of him, I stopped late april. I don’t think of him really anymore…no! I take it back I even thought of seeing him at the prom I thought of seeing him having him surprise me at the play, he runs through the back of my mind all the time, tis true. I cannot help it. He is a mystery, and he will always be. No, I never did anything to him you perverts. I just…talked to him. Yes I talked to him forever and that’s why he perhaps grabs my attention the most. Even though consciously I put him off, he’s always there..I do not even like him. He’s still in my cellphone, I’ve never spoken to him through my cell phone…he’s a total stranger…
Heh,
Stranger
Mr True
Snowcaps
And Vampire
can you guess who is who?
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