Just tonite I stood before the tavern,
Nothing seemed the way it used to be,
In the glass I saw a strange reflection,
Was that lonely woman really me?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's so beautiful outside. I woke up at 4 AM in the morning, put on my clothes and fell asleep on my front porch with a blanket I grabbed. Thinking through last night, only with him do I act like some neurotic psychopath. Everyone else I am in control over what character I am, but with him..I have no power over what I do. And it worries me; is that person really me? Am I really not the calm cool and collected person I am around others? No, I think that is me that talks to him, but I am slightly nervous around him..no, not nervous, jumpy? No, something, cannot find the word. The only trouble with his silences other than the curiosity to know what he thinks is that over the phone I can't tell if he's smiling or not. I can hear it through his words and laughter, but not through his silences. Maybe I am a Pollyanna. Eh, even this post sounds odd to me now. Oh well, onwards with the day.

I think I'm going to be outside more. I like it too much to not be there.