Pouring out of the heart and mind

It's a poison in my system, Carson is a poison to me.

He sometimes comes and goes I mean, I don't see him anymore so I get worried that he's with other girls and he sometimes states very subtly in his posts that he just might do it, and sometimes he says how I'm a bitch and he'll try to make all these passes for sex with me when he is horny and afterwards he says he is "sorry" for what he did*don't worry he doesn't get far* and when I tell him I am a bit afraid of him he tells me that he said he was sorry, and I don't know if I'm a bitch to expect more than an apology, of course what else is there? And he tells me he loves me but I don't know I'm just, I don't know. I'm confused that's what I am. I love him and yet I fear him and when I tell him I'm afraid of him he gets so mad at himself and he asks why he even bothers with this relationship, but I care for him and I just might be caring for the wrong guy.

Live and love

T15WIT: I’m scared lately, I’m scared that you don’t really love me, but only lust me I mean the only times you tell me you love me is after a kiss or say I make some witty remark, and I’ve been such a bitch to hang around with and I’m just afraid I’ll lose you, and if you do want to be lost, I mean it might’ve been a waste of time but I had fun while doing it and I can’t fall asleep till I tell you that.
T15WIT: I had to say that, I couldn't fall asleep
Capra Sesso Uomo: Don't worry, you're not the only one who's had to think stuff like that over.
T15WIT: I really really just don't want to lose you
T15WIT: but I mean, it's okay if you
Capra Sesso Uomo: Sure, the whole lust part is fun and all, but that's not why I love you. I can't really say for sure the real reason, but I do. It's just sort of a glowing warmth I get around you, that's all
T15WIT: I just have a fear
T15WIT: That's all
T15WIT: Although you might not know it, I think a lot about you
Capra Sesso Uomo: Don't worry, Tory. I know I've been hard on you for all of this "bitch" stuff. I apologize for that.
T15WIT: like, at times when I really shouldn't I should be doing some thing of work or something
Capra Sesso Uomo: And vice-versa, I should add
T15WIT: Don't apologize
T15WIT: I just don't want to lose you
T15WIT: I don't know why
T15WIT: "possesive.."
Capra Sesso Uomo: Why? I've been smacking your around mentally and in some sense physically. I have a reason to apologize.
Capra Sesso Uomo: Nah
T15WIT: but I don't want to ever sound like that so I never say anything
Capra Sesso Uomo: Don't worry, I'd lose a lot of sleep and go into a crippling depression if I lost you, so you don't have to worry about plurality in this situation
T15WIT: I mean, I really really do never want to lose you, but I'm afraid I'd scare you away so I never say anything
T15WIT: And sometimes I really hate myself after I say something, even if afterwards I say "jk"
T15WIT: not even counting for you even ben, or dan or even Sara
Capra Sesso Uomo: Yeah, I gotcha
Capra Sesso Uomo: Just don't worry about it. That's all I can suggest.
T15WIT: I come from a line of "worriers"
Capra Sesso Uomo: I've noticed.
T15WIT: So that's like telling a bird not to sing
T15WIT: I also come from the line of "never say the right thing" either
Capra Sesso Uomo: Heh
T15WIT: I hate it when I go into elapses at staring at blank walls without thinking..
T15WIT: but you know that me being at another highschool next year is scaring me too
Capra Sesso Uomo: Another highschool?
T15WIT: I'm gonna hate the future if ms. maxey gets her way
T15WIT: Yes, this is another thing I've been in fear of
T15WIT: Ms. Maxey wants us to not go back to our base schools, she's beginning to think it takes up too much time
Capra Sesso Uomo: Ah, I see. Failing?
T15WIT: And I don't want that
T15WIT: No
Capra Sesso Uomo: Ah
T15WIT: Like, I'll never see you again
T15WIT: nor Dan
T15WIT: nor Ben
T15WIT: nor Patrick
T15WIT: nor People I say "hi" to in hallway
T15WIT: nor anybody I ever used to know
Capra Sesso Uomo: So how exactly would that work?
Capra Sesso Uomo: Besides Ms. Maxey attempting to place you in a dark closet and giving you a Calculus textbook
T15WIT: I don't know yet, best situation would be I do the same I'm doing right now, worst is, they have a bus pick me up where I live from
T15WIT: Oh, we're getting more campus nxt year if that's what you mean
Capra Sesso Uomo: I see.
Capra Sesso Uomo: Just curious, how long are you sticking with SA?
T15WIT: Even I don't know
T15WIT: They'll allow you for four years but..ick
Capra Sesso Uomo: Heh, gotcha
T15WIT: No way, I might go into IB, or perhaps the Academy for Arts
Capra Sesso Uomo: Ah, okay
Capra Sesso Uomo: There are so many little side-programs, I forget what's what
T15WIT: Good
Capra Sesso Uomo: I want to go to whatever the hell they said offered computer courses beyond "typing", but it might be a bit too gradish
T15WIT: IB= International Baccalaureate, its a program started in Switzerland, The only school around here that has it Socastee, so I might just do that
T15WIT: Hmm
Capra Sesso Uomo: I know that
T15WIT: Oh sorry, thought you were asking for an explanation
Capra Sesso Uomo: Meh, for some reason, I've just never been a grade person...
Capra Sesso Uomo: So I can never get into any of these programs
Capra Sesso Uomo: Because they value hard work over learning
T15WIT: I disagree with that
Capra Sesso Uomo: Oh?
Capra Sesso Uomo: Well, give me your shit, then
Capra Sesso Uomo: metaphorically-speaking
T15WIT: although hard work is good and all "builds character" I think understanding the basic concept is much more important
T15WIT: I mean, learning...ah I never was one for arguments, I never win..
Capra Sesso Uomo: I just mean, I've learned almost everything I know about computers from lazy self-study. I don't see how computers and such could be so drastically an alternate from other learning styles.
T15WIT: It just might be, never know till you try
T15WIT: I'm the wrong person to talk about this
Capra Sesso Uomo: Try? I've tried.
T15WIT: How so? I mean, give an example?
Capra Sesso Uomo: We spend 6 months on tired concepts and basic proofs, and the only "learning" occurs at the end
Capra Sesso Uomo: People accept this as the "only" way, because they never try any other methods
T15WIT: They did in the 60's
T15WIT: erm...well, *sounds stupid..again*
Capra Sesso Uomo: Trying to say that the school way is the right way, because it worked for you, is like saying the Holocaust was a good thing, because you weren't involved.
T15WIT: I never said the school way was the right way
Capra Sesso Uomo: And yes, that was a bit of an overdone example
Capra Sesso Uomo: Then what?
Capra Sesso Uomo: And about the 60's method - they didn't change the teaching methods, only the material
Capra Sesso Uomo: And so much for that
Capra Sesso Uomo: School is basically input / output
T15WIT: To be honest I never made it into that stupid "Pelican" thing yet I seemed to be smarter than a whole bunch who did because during halfway through elementary school I started reading books I had at home, which seemed to teach me more than they did at school
T15WIT: Which is why I hated our school's libraries
Capra Sesso Uomo: I was in Pelican the whole time, and I didn't learn anything
Capra Sesso Uomo: Yeah
Capra Sesso Uomo: I've always loathed the library
Capra Sesso Uomo: ** school library
T15WIT: "I'm sorry I didn't read another Nancy Drew Ms. blah blah, I was in the middle of "Great Expectations"..oh..so I shouldn't read it..okay....*mutterfuckyoumutter*
Capra Sesso Uomo: The first year in Middle School, I shot down the top "High School" books on the list, and just got bored from there
T15WIT: okay I actually got with Ryan a fight with our librarian at the middle school
Capra Sesso Uomo: "No, I don't want to read your 34th book about an inspired teenager overcoming diversity. Go away."
Capra Sesso Uomo: Heh, nice
T15WIT: I know, I read Little Women in the sixth grade and found nothing on a "higher lever"
T15WIT: I know
T15WIT: ..ermn
T15WIT: I remember when last year they had this thing where we could ask questions about our school communities or something and Ryan brought up the topic of the library, and Ms. Edge was there and gave him the nastiest look ever
Capra Sesso Uomo: Hehe
T15WIT: It was fun
Capra Sesso Uomo: I bet
T15WIT: I used to come in the morning *rambles on* to the library *nothing of importance* it was great
Capra Sesso Uomo: Hehe
Capra Sesso Uomo: *mumbles something about ponies*
T15WIT: *talks*
Capra Sesso Uomo: I need something to drink. BRB. And don't log-off with a witty comment. :p
T15WIT: Damn.
T15WIT: He knows me too well
T15WIT: How about I make it non-witty?
T15WIT: Or maybe something that makes you think?
T15WIT: Or something suici...nah I'll shut up
Capra Sesso Uomo: Back
T15WIT: *listens*
Capra Sesso Uomo: Sadly, I have nothing to say.
Capra Sesso Uomo: Oh.
Capra Sesso Uomo: I love you.
T15WIT: *wasn't listening for that but okay*
T15WIT: Do you say that now, mechanically or do you still mean it?
T15WIT: nah save that one for another day
Capra Sesso Uomo: I still mean it
T15WIT: Okay
T15WIT: Well, I know if I tell you goodnite that I will be back on remembering something to say but right now I can't think of anything to say either
Capra Sesso Uomo: I'm gonna go, Tory
T15WIT: Allright
Capra Sesso Uomo: I'm sleepy, and have a paper to write
Capra Sesso Uomo: Tommorow
T15WIT: Adieu Carson
Capra Sesso Uomo: So
Capra Sesso Uomo: Adios, Tor'
Capra Sesso Uomo: I love ya, etc and always
T15WIT: I love ya, get to bed

Is it wrong to be a bit suspicious about my boyfriend?

I'm just a paranoiac, nevermind.

I just wonder sometimes if he likes this girl or if he really even cares for me, he probably does and I'm just over obsessive. Well, it's not like we have people throwing themselves at us so we could easily part ways, but still..

I don't know, he "jokingly" calls me a "bitch" and stuff, and he's off living his life which is dandy and all, I mean, so what if he doesn't talk to me one day? He has a life, he needs to live it. But I also think lately he's been talking to some girl about our relationship, I talk to no guys about ours, but I dunno, I just feel a bit awkward about it all, h/o I'm going to ask him if he does or not..

Nope, not really,


okay that works

*Really Really old poetry, fourth grade ah do bahlieve*

Well I'll dance with the daises
and I'll sing with the sun
this will never end
until I'm done
well I'm hop the frog
and I'll leap with the fawn
having so much fun
till the break of dawn

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you.

You're probably wondering why at the bottom it says "Harly Callowitz", she's my alter ego.

My real name: Victoria Marie Richardson
My age: 14
Live: Myrtle Beach, SC

AE name: Harly Marie Callowitz
AE age: 23 (my lucky number)
Live: New Orleans, Perhaps Savannah GA just someplace away from here

Thank you.

Yes, I have no live, she has one though.

Capra Sesso Uomo: Well, I'm just going by what's most likely
T15WIT: Gee, thanks, am I always a bitch?
Capra Sesso Uomo: Usually #2 only happens around the time of a date, and #1 happens about a day after
Capra Sesso Uomo: No, not always
T15WIT: hmm..


am I a bitch? Hmm..

I don't know, I know I'm a bitch at times, but he also pushes it.

Ya know, I don't want to ponder it, I don't. Nevermind

Ramblings of an insomniac who is tired

I'm listening to Aerosmith "Dream On" while sipping some orange spice herbal tea. Whenever I hear music I feel as if I enter someone's life. I just do, or I feel like I'm in some place, it might be somewhere I've never been to, but when I am hearing this song I feel like I'm in the ghetto of some town, just passed a heroine addict on the corner, a hooker I feel like I'm now walking on the sidewalk, feel like a mexican boy in some bad part of town, works in a bad pizza place, part of a gang, he loves his mom and family, comes from a big family, mom has a baby..song ended

oh well, it happens, it happens alot I don't know why, it just does, please don't ask.

now it's evanescence I feel the cold pain of hurt and revenge, some relationship, someone who..

oh nvm, I turned it off, I feel so odd after these things, I feel it in more songs in others, why do I sound crazy? It's not crazy, it's unexplained. hmm that's true, whatever that is considered "crazy" is just really "something that is unexplained" there might be something there doing something to the people that they don't know but we just call them "crazy" or they will see things that no one else will, and just because of that we call them "crazy" I don't see why we don't try to find out why they can see something we can't see and instead just call them "crazy" when what they are experiencing is something a higher evolved of our species would experience, *sigh* must be this music I'm listening to hmm perhaps there is some power in music that we have never noticed that creates a power inside of us, think of it, we've had it since the beginning of life, we found it in nature, we created our own in imitation to this world, it would make sense that we thrive off of a force of music. Everyone likes music, to each his own of course, perhaps there is one universal force, one universal song that we all like that none of us have noticed, or it is played loudly at such a tone that we have never noticed it, has it ever happened to anyone except me where something will be playing that you forget its on? And then someone turns it off and you feel so...awkward because you're used to it. Heh okay enough of this I'm off to bed, goodnite world

Today was great.

Okay let's start from the beginning I woke up around 9 ish to sunlight through my window, a great thing to begin a day with, and my room is clean so it's just beautiful, then I took a shower and felt good, my grandmother came by, I love her, took me shopping and ate with me at johnny rockets, came back then I went over to Carsons to watch a movie but this was the part that got me this was the part:

We were walking from a gas station, I had gotten a small bag of riesen, a candy I like and then we were walking past a field, we went over there and laid down looking at the stars, we chatted about tea I believe, but that was the moment I just felt at peace, looking at the monotony of stars above us when the weather is perfect and babbling happily about things. I just felt at peace.

Then i came home and sat with the moonlight shining on me while I sipped some herbal tea and some abducted chocolate chip cookies that came from the kitchen

I'm tired, I love my life, good nite world

Why, hello diary, how have you been lately? Lonely? What a coinidence. Nah well a bit lonely here, I haven't actually talked to anyone today unless you count my little chat with my grandmother who is deaf ("ISAIDHIGRANDMA!!!" "WHAAAT??") but that was it, and I didn't actually "chat" with her I just asked her questions that were written on paper for a project. I think I'm in some kind of fucky overdrive where I stop thinking and just start doing the obvious like just write down stuff. like right now, I'm not actually thinking just putting down my obvious thoughts for what happened today. I took out this piece of paper with a paintiing of a church on it from a lovely frame and put it in the trash. Then I got this sunflower picture with a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson on it. I really like that guys stuff. It'sgreat. I reorganized most of my stuff. I have family I don't know coming over tomorrow, grreeaaaattt. I'm skipping dinner tonite. and my mom was like *sigh* okay I'm sick of trying to get you to eat so you can skip tonite, and I was joyous. I'm really just tired. So I think I'll go to bed soon.. *watch me stay up till 11 PM*
-Tory the wit
T.wit
Twit

:D

och aye, sorry blogspot, I forgot all about you didn't I? sowwie.

Um...I've been writing in my livejournal lately, all I've been doing this week is work on my health project and clean my room. Yep, sad eh? That's about it so far.

YES!

Dad came back from his trip to Cincinatti, and while he was up there he made a stop to regular place I go to when we go to Cincy, Jungle Jim's, That is the most awesome foodstore in the world, he said that they have a monorail up now because its really huge. He came back with lots of great Thai food our family loves and he bought me my personal favourite candy, Rose pastilles, so I'm quite happy, I miss Cincinatti, but I'm glad I get to see it during the summer and christmas, it's so great. Okay, well mom cooked a carribean fish dinner so off I go, I love my family, bye

I was going to type in here my emotions, but

A) I don't have any to really type at the moment

and

B) Hell, I have a HUGE mass of homework I oughta get done..

So, goodbye.

*Although I wanted to make note of how I'm listening to Duncan Shiek right now, and it's not helping me stay awake.*

I got my nature photos back, I'm thinking about scanning them and pasting them via freewebs so I'll just have a compilation of all my photos, I might do it, I don't know yet..

It happened again, I woke up to not feel an arm, only to discover I was ontop of it, then I grabbed it with my other one and let the blood flow through it, this morning it scarred me because I couldn't feel my whole arm, not just my forearm, in fact I screamed for my mom who came racing to my room, and it was limp for five minutes, I hate waking up crying. I also have the same dream, well more like nightmare, when this happens, I don't remember what it's about, but I know, it's not a good dream. and that scares me too, I really am afraid of losing an arm or something, also, my dad yesterday couldn't breathe when he was up at my grandmother's house, and that scared me alot too, I mean, to wake up and not be able to breathe because you have a blockage of hard mucus because there is no humidifier and oh, I'm just so sad.. I have spring break this week, I'm going to work non-stop on my hereditary family disease, I think I might go with minneaire disease, or perhaps bi-polar, bi-polar sounds better, but the only one I know who has this is my uncle. oh, read Carson's Livejournal, and he came over to my house and oh let me just say what happened Saturday, Got up, saw the st. patty's day parade, ate at kyoto's express, drove to goody's, shopped, raked in the yard, had carson come over, ate pizza and watched "Little Big Man" with him (good dark movie), missed him, stayed up late, woke up from a dream/nightmare, can't remember, couldn't feel arm, screamed and cried, just looked at room noticed it's a pit, thinking I will rearrange my room right now...yes I think I will, odd aren't I? Anywho..Off to church I go, and then I'll come back and do homework, unless something else happens..right, off I go

"Title Goes Here"

Listening to Bernardo Rubaja "New Land" right now, welcoming on the spring break, Ah, a break of relaxation fu...Oh SHIT! I have non stop homework! Too bad! I guess Harly over here will never get a break from this tyranny eh? Oh well..

t15wit@aol.com

Put in some John Mayer to calm me, I still love the song "Neon" by him, I just love it, don't ask..had an ice cream sandwich for once in a long time, I'm waiting for Sara (www.livejournal.com/users/wolfsbane18/) to call me, I think I might go get a camera and take some pics of my room so I'll remember what it looked like when I was this age. Who knows? I still haven't studied for my finals, ick, I don't wanna, my lil sis is fun to hang with at times, I'm in love, I feel sorrow for some friends of mine who haven't had the best of days..

wow, I just had a conversation with Sara that started an hour ago, so um like, ..I'm listening to Neon again because I played the CD again..odd

Hi world.
Bye world, more later.

The Poems

Wrote this one twice, so it's two dif. versions:

Meaningless Breaths upon your cheek are my kisses for you now

and

Breathless Kisses upon
your cheek doesn't comfort my
soul
or my empty heart


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the silence of all these years,
of a dark and brooding past,
I reveal my misery unto you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*These are old ones I found from last month*

I can't believe what I just saw,
Your wounds may have healed,
but mine are still raw

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just let me go
Why can't you see
You dirty dog
stop bothering* me


* It used to be "tantalizing" but I think "bothering" sounds better*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And now, for me to talk

I miss Carson, (psh, like I haven't mentioned that yet) and I miss him more than usual because ...wait, he's not reading this...why do I have to act like I do?

I mean, I love him and all, but I'm kinda used to not seeing him now, so I forgot how to hold him, I forgot how to kiss as well, sheesh, hell this is my blogspot..I think the only two people I know who might be reading this is Jennifer and Sara, and I don't give a shit, I haven't really kissed him in a while except on the cheek as he passed by, I talk to him, but somehow, it isn't the same virtually, of course, ain't that the same with everything else? I should be studying for French right, now, I really don't want to..I think I'll go make some food..oh wait I forgot, mom already made some dinner where it's like beef sitting in red wine with pasta or something, but I gotta wait till 8:00 PM :( oh well Oh and this is being written while hearing "This Love" and "My love is like whoa" ..hey, it's the radio, what do you expect? Meh, I'm gonna go study some physics for tomorrow's test..

Poem for the Passing

If you want me gone,
so be it,
but before I leave I must say,
Love
Is hard to come by
And True Love
Is even harder
and with that
I give you my heart
I no longer need it

Goodbye.

Nature's Harmony

Read an excerpt from Emerson's "Nature" and fell in love. It expresses how I feel. I love it.

Reminiscence of Sorrows

"Save me" she baffled as she wept her tears into his shoulder,
"Help me" "Save me" "Love me"
He, not knowing of what he was doing, silently held her, placing his chin upon her auburn hair and softly murmuring "I love you. I will always love you. Don't forget me." And he left during that foggy night, when the cold train whistle blows on a November moon into the black sky of shadows.

Can you see me?

Meh, Why did I come here again? Pointless talks of wasting of my life for no one who cares. Not just you mind you, but nevermind. I guess I'll go confine myself to the world of a book, where I onlook situations and escape my own. Goodnight.

That's what I just said to Carson. I think I will go read a book. Goodnight all

And Life Awaits You

Just another morning
where I am greeted to the sun
There's a rainbow behind me
hits my heart like a gun
That cloud of happiness
should just go away
and bring unto me
another grey day

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


http://www.tory.com/

I wish I could take beautiful photos like that. I would need a nice camera, but I kinda don't have one..yet...

Carson pulled a tendon...*smacks head* great, no relationship for another two weeks, joy. Sara's in love with Bryan. Okay I mean, not passionate love, but she likes him, which I don't blame her, he's..okay...*cough* well, erm, Okay I don't approve of him, but she doesn't approve of Carson so it's all good ^_^ . I've been listening to Poe all day, that Haunted Album, mostly because I can! ....that sounded too much like Sara..just this whole paragraph..not me, Sara, of course, I can also sound like Carson sometimes, so I suppose it's okay, perhaps..I'm getting by in life, not smoothly, but getting by. I have pilates tomorrow, yay. I was thinking how I need to go to the Heritage Store and/or Jersey Mikes, I either want tea, or a sub. Go figure. Also, I was thinking about how I have a whole week ahead of me. I want to do something. Something. Something other than cleaning my room and doing homework, please tell me I'm not going to waste my spring break doing that, PLEASE tell me that...Oh and St. Patrick's Day Parade is Saturday! I have walked in all St. Patty's day Parade, but not this year, this year I won't be going. This is because everyone else in this house is gone and I'm alone..again. I'm sick of being alone! I'm alone at the school, alone at my own house! *sigh* A lonely life awaits me..

Goodbye for now

Bored yet again

You are the Goddess of Earth. You are very stable
and dependable since the Goddesses rest apon
you. You are very materialistic. Somtime cold
and distant, but that might be because you need
to get what needs to be done, done. But yet you
are everyone elses strength. You are the most
Stable of the Goddesses, since without you the
other Goddesses would not exist.
Other Earth Goddesses: Ceres, Cerridwyn, Demeter,
Gaia, Persephone, Epona, Kore, Mah, Prithivi,
Rhea, Rhiannon


Which of the Four Elemental Goddesses are you?(With Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

You are Victoria of England. You are not afraid of
hard work but still have time for the arts.
You are very open with your emotions but if you
get hurt once you find it hard to get back up
again. You bring peace, ease and prosperity to
the world. As is said of Queen Victoria by
A.J. Balfour, 'She passed away, I believe,
without an enemy in the world, for those who
love not England love her'. Please rate my
quiz.


What famous female ruler are you? (written for the girls)
brought to you by Quizilla


Garage rock! I like you... I like you alot! You
and indie are on the same plane for me! You
bring rock'n'roll down to its dirty roots,
whether being minimalist like The White Stripes
or retro like The Strokes. You keep on doing
what you're doing! Oh...and did I mention I
like you alot?


What genre of rock are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Well well well, the old fashioned 17th century
vampire, one of my faves. You look for the good
things in life, you posses a lot of classical
class, and follow that of the original
vampires, you have no shame in what you are,
infact you embrace it, you love it and wouldn't
have it any other way. Your wealth is
unspeakable and your way of luring people with
your mystical ways and looks is amazing, and
most people would often call you The
Seductress. Please rate this quiz!


What Kind Of Vampire Would You Be? (Cool answers, AND FOR GILRS UNLESS YOU ARE A CROSSDRESSER)!
brought to you by Quizilla

Your in Love! Aphrodite has put a spell on you and
your hunny bunny and it's (hopefully) gonna
last! You two have accomplished something
great and that is a Mature Love. Mature Love is
different from infatuation, it is characterized
by a gving, unselfish attitude. Each person is
concerned about the well-being of the other.
People who have mature love for each other like
to do things that please each other. They are
committed to finding and doing what is best
for each other. They may give up personal
disires to bring benefit to the loved one. You
two have acknowledged this and are in a very
healthy relationship. Good Luck in the future!
*Please, Don't forget to vote!*


Is It Love?
brought to you by Quizilla

20/20: You're pretty level-headed when it comes to
relationships, and you have a knack for really
understanding what makes the opposite sex tick.
You know that not every action has huge
significance---and you're able to see the good,
as well as the bad, in your guy. So it's OKAY
to get swept away by his seemingly romantic
gestures, since you don't let him off the hook
too easy when he does something that's not
sweet. Would YOU PLEASE rate my quiz? YOU don't
have to, but i'd sincerely apreciate it if YOU
would! Thanks so much!


Do YOU really know what YOUR DATE/BOYFRIEND is THINKING? For the LADIES only PLEASE!
brought to you by Quizilla

.....Ha! Those all
have to be wrong.

Apathy, well I can say your lucky, in some ways.
You see Apathy is no emotion, basically you
don't care. But that does not make you a bad
person. Some of my friends are apathetic and I
love them, but it wouldn't hurt to care a
little more. Trust me life hurts, most people
who are apathetic do it cause they were hurt.
But don't worry, life is pain, its also
pleasure. Good luck. (please vote)


What Emotion Dominates you?
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got it off Valerie's deadjournal..

I don't know if I'm apathetic, I show no emotion, but I do kinda care on the inside..

oh well

My Relationship with Carson

http://sinfest.net/d/20040102.html

who are you? who am I?

I go online and AIM to talk to people, only to not talk to them because of some reason

people think I'm busy.
I'm not.

I'm doing absolutely nothing when I should be doing homework or something.

I feel miserable.

I have tons of homework that I should get done, but I want to talk, but when I go on to talk, I don't because of my shy nature, or I forget how to talk to someone.

I love Carson still. Even if he doesn't recognize it or know it

I still consider everyone a friend, even if they don't see it..

Why can't I show it I wonder sometimes..why am I shy in front of large crowds, yet I can be so talkative when near one person singularly..

I lie all the time.

I say how I'll go outside and leave buddy chat or w/e, only to really go outside, for 2 seconds, realize its raining, come inside and do stuff that is of no importance, I'm failing all of my classes, my room is a pigsty, I'm not keeping proper health care of myself, and I feel miserable.

I need a break.

badly.

and it's the weekend, ironic.

Meh, I guess I'll go try to do homework, which I'll procrastinate with trying to talk to people, to which I'll procrastinate by switching a launch yahoo song, which I'll procrastinate with homework.

great.

*sigh*

bye.

It's rant time..

I noticed while looking back that what was supposed to be me dissing everyone turned out to be me in the end telling everyone how much I love them. I've never done this before but I'm going to now and then pinpoint things I dislike about a person.

Today it is Carson.

First of all, he ain't prince charmin. I mean his face is totally distorted with his piggish nose. His hair would is fine shaggy, and he looks good in black. I have to admit that. Also, he is gawkish when even trying to run. HE IS SO HARD TO WORK WITH! Of course, that's one reason I like him, he is a challenge, that's for damn sure. I mean any other boy I have come in contact with has been very easy to work with and they usually are boring as hell. Carson, on the other hand, doesn't talk, is a loner, and goes his own way. I'm glad he's not dependant and shit because I have my own fuckin life to take care of, I mean sure I care whether he's going to run away or not, but I really don't care how his meaninless days went back at the highschool, another reason why I sometimes feel distant, because I'm usually alone here that I'm used to not talking that much, well..not to him, he just feels like some awkward stranger from long times past, even if I do still "like" him, I can't say "love" anymore because I really don't know the difference between the two..okay "like/love" there. Right, back to the ranting. He's ugly. woopie shit that isn't something to rant about...now I gotta find someone else to rant about....Chelsea.

She's a pyscho bitch who thinks "funny joke" is when you point out something about a person like "Hey, you're cheeks are fat! Hahahaha!" and today I saw her grabbing Jennifer and pushing her so Jennifer could talk to her. I didn't know if I should have stopped or what, but I instinctively grabbed Chelsea by the arm and said "Jennifer doesn't have to talk to you if she doesn't want to so back off, okay?" And Jennifer made a quick escape to which I left with Chelsea shouting "OMG! It's not even your business, Tory!" I don't give a fuck, Jennifer is considered a friend and my book, and I was just tryin to fuckin help her. so shut the fuck up. bitch.

ah better.. I have french soon, cya!

I broke my pinkie toe! :( I started limping and I was like "uh-oh this isn't good.." I realize that I got away from my livejournal because people I know here read it, and I wanted to speak of them...and it would be redundant to diss them with them knowing so I'll just tell say right now

Chelsea, fuck off, you psycho bitch you. And stop messing with Sara, your "funny jokes" aren't funny..asshole

Sara, I love you, you are sometimes too talkative but other than that you are my bestest friend in the whole world

Carson, I want you and miss you, hold me.

Ben, I miss you too, I miss your usual dorkiness and silliness and I wish we could still be buddies

Bryan, you're fun to hang around with

Brandon, Jennifer, Valerie, ditto w/ bryan

Ryan, I miss ya man, take care, and don't forget me

Cipriano, ... I have nothing to really say to you...you're just..there

Tara, u go gurl, lolz, ur fun 2 hang w/

Mom, I love you, you are a true friend, because you're awesome, thank you for taking me to all those movies and concerts and for always being there to talk to me

Dad, I love you, I know you're busy working your ass off for this family and I am grateful that, thank you for also showing me that this world is full of jackasses and that you're going to have to deal with them and life..*thanks for also teaching me a lot of new things like physics, government, and econimics, and alot of other things*

Max, You are so smart, always strive for your hardest, oh and wash your underwear crusty butt :p

Miranda, I love you, you're so different from me, but I love ya anyway :p

My huge family like second cousins, aunts, uncles and etc. : You're all a buncha nuts I love you all

oh tobias: You're a nice guy, stay away from me.


To all the guys I have had a crush on before: Haha! Over you losers!...but if I'm ever available and...

Ms. Maxey: I love english, but it would always be better if we had more time

Mr. Poland: You're in the ranks of my favorite teachers right now.

*Ms. Baldwin, Ms. Samuels, Mr. Hall, Mr. Poland*

Ms. Maxine, I wish you wouldn't let those people screw you over, I love you Ms. Maxine

Ms. Frankie, you are the most awesomest little old italian lady in the world, and your canolis are great

And to anyone I didn't mention: Tell me at Empress_rose23@yahoo.com and I'll mention ya ;)

No cares for me
I'm happy as I can be
I learn to love and to live
Devil may care

No cares and woes
Whatever comes later goes
That's how I'll take and I'll give
Devil may care

When the day is through, I suffer no regrets
I know that he who frets, loses the night
For only a fool, thinks he can hold back the dawn
He was wise to never tries to revise what's past and gone

Live love today, let come tomorrow what may,
Don't even stop for a sigh, it doesn't help if you cry
That's how I live and I'll die
Devil may care

thank you.

Lingo

I love to speak the lingo of others:
babygirltara170: lol
babygirltara170: im guessin u wont be doin that ne time soon lol
T15WIT: nu huh
T15WIT: no way
babygirltara170: lol well i saw ur bf today i always see him n some daniel kid talkin to Sara
T15WIT: yea, I sometimes wonder if they is um "flirtin" w/ her..
babygirltara170: ur bf isnt he better not b lol
T15WIT: what?
T15WIT: not b?
T15WIT: wut does that mean?
babygirltara170: better not be
T15WIT: ooo
babygirltara170: ur so dumb lol
T15WIT: lol k
T15WIT: lol yah I kno
babygirltara170: lol
T15WIT: i g2g
T15WIT: sry gurlfriend!
T15WIT: ttyl cya!


and..

RieBeam2: Hola, Tory
T15WIT: Salut
RieBeam2: So hows it go?
T15WIT: It goes "moo".
RieBeam2: Oh haha

and..(on phone)

Me: Okay Sherman so let me get this straight, Tuesday's been cancelled, but the gig for Saturday is still go?
Agent: Yeah.
Me: Okay thanks.

and..

Me: Hey mom,
Mom: Hey i got a new movie for you to watch it has ewan mcgregor, and your aunt tammy thinks hes such a hottie and its a great romance and..

and..

Me(In highpitched voice): yippee it's Sara!
Sara: HIYA TORY! *GLOMP*

and..

Me: No way man Black Canary could kick Cat woman's ass anyday, and how's your life been, eh Benny Boy?
Ben: I still think Cat..oh it's been really miserable w/o you guys along anymore..*sad face*

and..

Bryan: Dammit! Stop IMing my cellphone you bitch!
Me: Hehehehehehe, but Bryan you are a gay diabetic loser.

and..

Me: Chipmunk Lad or Munchkin Man, which do you prefer as a title?
Brandon: ...

and..

Me: Ms. Maxey is there any way I could retake this test
Ms. Maxey: *face goes red, steam slightly comes outta ears*
Me: Oh shit, take cover.

and..

A_kook(me): We need a mascot goshdurnit!
(Rest of !SHYEAH!): Yah! I agree!

and..

Me: And that is why these children need our time for tutoring, I'd just like to start this program so these children...I mean, if anyone else would come along it would be nice and...
Missions Committee from church: We'll help!

and..

Me: Ms. Frankie how was your weekend?
Ms. Frankie (lil old italian lady): It was great dearie, went to a movie with my friends..




ah, the many faces of Tory Richardson, and that ain't even half of them..hehehe

Yay

Yay, it's been a week now in this new spot, and I'm getting along quite nicely

*Drifting into the unbalance of society I will always miss you.*

okay shitty poetry of the day

I feel like I need a vacation, luckily spring break will come up, but I'll probably not get a break out of it, because that's how it's always been, oh well. I want to go to the beach, badly. I just want to be out with nature and friends really, or with someone, someone whom I can talk to, I miss nature, I used to be with it so much, and now I'm too busy to do any of that, oh and SA is killing me, I study for these tests like for two hours and yet I keep getting fucking 60's! I mean, I know the concept and then I just screw it all right up and I don't fucking know whY?! Argh, just argh, I got two tests back one a 62 and another a 68. I also scheduled for French tutoring today...fuck. Just fuck. I hate this, and I've been listening to this Jimmy Fallon CD lately but its not helpin, oh well..

Listening to "Island in the Sun" by Weezer Right now..

Hmm, I just listened to all these comedians, and I found out that I really like Jimmy Fallon, I had PE today and I went snorkeling, it was fun, Bryan rubbed his crotch on my towel and I was about to beat the shit outta him, *grumblefuckinbastardgrumble* anyway, I missed the perfect opportunity to hold Carson today, meh, I don't know what stopped me, I just didn't do it, and I feel distant to him like well like I'm slowly drifting from him, *sigh* I am getting pissed because I understand how Ken Moran is screwing over Wade, but Wade shouldn't keep on telling us we have work on this nite or that nite and then he cancels, it's just beginning to piss me off. I've been really working hard on this screenplay with dad, I'm being a picky ass on him so we've only gotten the general gist of the movie and the first scene pretty much. I love dad, but boy oh boy is he gonna be hard to work with, oh and everybody in my fuckin family has some messed up fever ..well only my siblings, but still, fuck, another weekend wasted eh? Oh well, its actually been a very good day today, so I shouldn't complain..oh wait, it's a blog, that's its main purpose..to complain, well, I'm done for today other than I'm obviously confused with my relationship with Carson..oh and this morning I met Sara who had a breakfast consisting of pixie sticks and coffee..yay, twas fun. k I'm out, nite all.

Just for the heck of it..

You're Elemant is Wind. You're light-hearted,
care-free, kind, sensative, and mysterious. You
have friends and most absolutely love you. You
can be calm and soothing one minute and ragging
in anger the next so no one wants to get on
your bad side. You're beauty is inspiring and
magical.


What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)
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