So maybe tomorrow, I'll find my way home...

*I'm listening to the Stereophonics at the current time, and I love this song*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today...oh, today was busy. Too busy. All I want now is Carson. Of course, wanting will get me no where.

Wicker Park is a good movie..

I'm sleepy. and I need a hot bath too...or maybe all I need is Carson..I wish, I wish it were just him and I, alone far away, adults and free for what we want to do. No, I might wish it, but of course, even as older I'll be stupid and too wrapped up in Me. Tory Richardson. Always one of the people I hate who have cellphones and who care about only themselves and are always at meeting or going somewhere. Meh, maybe I've been wasting Carson's time. It's all been about me, Sure, all I want at the end of the day is to hold him. I've thought of it before, we both live in a small dinky apartment, we both work the regular schedule, and we both come home at night, just to hold each other, hoping for a future together. Also, the sorta take off on that, we're older, we now live in some place in Ireland, we're a bit richer, him a great writer, me, an irish soap star or something..or maybe just seeing the world with him. I love him. But, if he asked me now to leave this life behind, would I do it? No, of course not. I'm only 15, and even if I were older, even the dream would never come true. He'd want out quicker, he couldn't wait that long, for something that probably would never happen. Why? Why did I have to care about him in Amsterdam and stay up those nights seeing him dead in some gutter..Why did I have to fall in love? Such the wrong time to do so..probably the worst time to ever fall in love in this life and probably the worst person, but I don't care, I still do love him. Even if he does tire of me eventually, I'll stick until he gets sick of me never being there, always being away like the character I am. Oh Carson, where are you when I need you?

I still love you, if that means anything anymore.