Broadway is dark tonite,
See the young man sitting in the old man's bar,
waiting for his turn to die.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I talked to my mother last nite about how I don't know if I want to leave Scholar's Academy or not. I know that she wants me to stay because it's a good opportunity and she was never given anything free in her life and I should be lucky and etc. I told her how I feel swamped and it being the first week of school and how I miss everyone and feel lonely. She gave an explanation that maybe I'm not really swamped with work, but just being overdramatic and I saw a glimpse of everything we're gonna do and I was overwhelmed. She also made a good point that I'd be miserable if I had no classes with any of my friends if I went back to the highschool, and that I would be surrounded by durrs and I would hate them because it would all be a popularity contest. She also suggested that maybe it's time for me to move on, to make new friends at Scholar's Academy and so on. To be honest, I could never do that. The only few reasonable people would be Stacey, Valerie, and Jennifer. Val and Jen seem to just..wanna be alone like a tight relationship, I don't want to mess with them. And Stacey might be a bit evil, but she has her own group of Devon and Michelle and Chelsea...eh, not my type of group honestly, just...not me I guess. I don't know. I honestly don't know. Sara told me I should best leave now, but mom said that I should stay a few weeks and just check it out, see how bad it is. I miss..something..I don't know quite what. It is a wonderful opportunity. Yet, Sara did make a good point, I'm only a teen for a while, whether that's good or not, I don't know. I'll stick with it for another week and see if I could be able to survive this...

Other than that, I pulled an all nighter last night on retyping 20 double entry journals and an essay, probably will get a "C" on them.

Also, mom is going to get me an appointment at a doctor to check out my eating habits, for some odd reason since like January just the sight of food in the morning makes me want to vomit. I don't know why, around 10 AM I can look at it, but there's no way I could keep it down, and around lunch time, I can eat, if I want to that is, sometimes I skip lunch too, but not that often.

I'm peeved. Mom said I could watch Siddhartha tonite, of course, then her and dad had unexpected guests they gladly went to some fine italian dinner to...I hate it, they forget to mention us, the guests came over and acted surprised there were children there. God, I sometimes feel like M&M's mom, not lately, but I used to all the time.

Oh well...another day gone from my life..and what have I gained? A day of worthless knowledge and procrastination, maybe I should focus more on gaining nirvana, or more on the things that make me happy..like friends..and Carson..and snowcaps..mmm...I think I'm going to do something Monday with someone..I'll see tomorrow if I can plan something..