After seeing a movie about a girl who stops herself, looks at her life, decides she doesn't like it that way, and rearranges it, I remembered being asked something. We were sitting outside, when I say we I mean Carson, Sara, Dylan, and I. Anyway, we were sitting outside, along comes Julien I talk to him for a few seconds, he leaves, I go back to the guys, then *I forgot who* says to me, "So, do you just hang around us to make yourself look better?" I was a bit taken aback. I have to be honest. I honestly don't try to do that. I love sara, Carson, hell even Dylan, Ben, TJ, CJ, anyone else, for who they are, not to make myself seem all the more better. It just disgusted me..am I subliminally doing that? Should I hang out with a crowd of people who have shit happen like me? well, not that, I mean..I dunno..I don't think I'm that better, perhaps I look at things too much and I play it safe..meh what I mean is, maybe I should go be a loner again. Perhaps it would be for the better of society if I kept to myself. I'm not going to be some rich woman at some country club who's snooty, but I mean, everyone I surround myself by thinks I'm better. I hate that, I don't want to be better..I want to be, meh, I just want to be me. I want to relate to people, I don't know, I want to have friends, with quirkiness, or sarcasm or cynicalness, or who I could at least have some intelligent conversations with. Sure I may be a hassle to be near by, but, man, am I that terrible? Do I try to brag to people on how great I am? Isn't that the one thing I hated? Bragging? And yet I'm one myself? And when I try to leave, no one wants me to leave, they hate me, yet they like me. Which makes no sense whatsoever. You know what else? I feel extremely conceited at this moment. All I do in journals is talk about myself, my life, I feel as if I obsess only over me. ME. ME. ME. I...meh, maybe I should get away from journals too. In fact, not to be rude blogspot, I'm leaving you, for a bit, I think I'll go back to being quiet. I'll keep my big yap shut and do what I used to be very great at doing..being observant. Goodnite Journal.