I told myself I would stick around in this life, just in case someone needed me, but it truly doesn't seem like anyone does.

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Read Carson's what he calls, "emoish" posts. It's gotten to me, him, I mean. Sometimes he makes me feel like a vile poison to his body, and he revokes and chokes me back out. whoa!


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Tory, remember to make some lyric involving how "You thought I was a poison when I was actually the medicine" or something like that, it sucks now, but I could see it from some angsty song in a teen punk band..anyway

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Like I mentioned before, he hates me, yet he loves me. Maybe my existance is useless. Maybe I shouldn't do anything nice in this life and just live my life. The way I want it. Speaking of that..

I discovered where I want to go.

I want to go to Yale.

Yes, Yale, one of the best drama programs around.

Then I want to leave.

And then move to Ireland.

And maybe be an Irish Soap Star, or perhaps just do something over there..

Who knows.

I don't know if I want children or not, probably not, there's enough people in this world, yet, even if I do think of the possiblity of ever having kids, I want to adopt.

I also want a husband, well, maybe not a "husband" because that might get sickening if ever dealing with paper work..actually..legally wise it might be best to get married, oh hell I don't know, what I mean is, I want someone to share life with. Together. Or something like that.

Carson also made a good point. I'm too wrapped up with myself. I've been thinking about myself too much, I need to do stuff again, I mean, I need to go back to Helping Hands, or Street Reach Ministries, where I used to volunteer all the time. Actually, maybe not Street Reach, that place is kinda creepy. I don't know, I'm getting too much attention. I wish I could let Carson know that I don't think of him as just something to hold, but as also a person who I like to talk to, to consult about..stuff, I think, or just to talk I don't know. I just feel, comfortable around him. Oh nevermind, I'm just gonna leave you with a song diary:


Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now

Crazy skies all wild above me now
Winter howling at my face
And everything I held so dear
Disappeared without a trace
Oh all the times I’ve tasted love
Never knew quite what I had
Little darling if you hear me now
Never needed you so bad
Spinning round inside my head

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will beI wanna hold you now

I’ve been talking drunken gibberish
Falling in and out of bars
Trying to find some explanation here
For the way some people are
How did it ever come so far

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now...

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Gotta Love David Gray