Hmm

my night:

9:30ish..

I screwed up a convo with Carson

I get offline

I go to room

My stomache churns, I look at empty space where I see a boy holding a girl and I hear a voice saying "he's moved on" *I know, nothing to do with Carson*

I cry

I cry some more

I get disgusted at myself for crying at things that aren't there

I go back online

I write a post on blogspot saying emoish stuff

I turn off the comp.

I go back to bathroom, wash face, change into PJ's etc.

I go back to my room

I see the tissues

I think "Oh god, he's going to think I'm a nut."

I turn on comp.

I change original post to what I just really meant to say

I sit..waiting to get courage to say something to him

he leaves

I turn off comp.

I go to room

A rush of anger surges through me

I start kicking the bed

I can't sleep.

I go downstairs, knock on mom's bathroom door.

I ask her for something to make me sleepy

She tells me to go do some sit ups and mentions how I'm a spastic teen.

I walk past TV with dad sitting there

I see daily show with John Kerry

I sit and watch

I get my fix of politics

I leave while muttering "It's all bull shit to me."

I go back online hoping to see him online.

I yawn.

I have a feeling I'll be waiting a bit, and then I'll go to bed.

I write a post. *this one..nvm*

I turn off comp without saying a word to him.

And I try to sleep.

I wake up.

But of course, that's for tomorrow.