Wednesday, January 04, 2006

I believe the cold grey dismal January has me in its clutches...

Have not smiled in a while, have been more of my serious intelligent self. It shows at work, where I pretend to be a quiet, shy, humble idiot, and yet they say I look defensive and they ask if there is something wrong.

I think there might be.

I want to tell him to forget me, to live a beautiful life he is bound to have to concern himself with other girls. I want to read. Not write, not math, I'm not fit for writing even if I have always received an A in my english class, I still detest it. And even though reading about mathematical theories interest me, I just get bored in the tedious intricacies of calculus. No, escape, I just wish to escape to foreign worlds, different characters..

..but it is all becoming a huge game, it is sad I can no longer just read a story, I see underlying messages hidden themes, and what was once a story I loved seemingly has an underbelly teeming with complexities.

Enough looking at the sky, something needs to be done.

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