Etienne Davenport is a pretty name don't you think?

I about threw a fucking rock at jey today; Ben and I were in the car and he put his head on my shoulder, my initial reaction being whenever anyone puts their head on my shoulder is to stratch it, so I did, then jey said we should be a couple. This does not bother me with the fact of being told this because I am quite used to telling people "No thanks" but what bothers me is Ben gets very pensive and will not talk to me for a while after people say this. So we were in a car when this occured so he just went silent and took his head off my shoulder. A half hour of silence down the road I had mainly forgiven jey for the comment and was thinking of well, other things, then I poked Ben and asked him what he was thinking "Arizona" "Ah, Courtney. Is she ever coming back?" "She might next year." Courtney is ben's first girlfriend from the eighth grade who is still madly ga ga for, which I think is beautifully sweet.

I was very antisocial. It was Ms. Huggins, Anna, Jey, Chelz, Ben, and me in a car, a small chrysler. We had all just had lunch at Ruby Tuesdays with Stacey and Devdev, and before that suffered a long but terribly easy SAT, although for me the worst was the five minutes of Sly at the end, him seeing if I still could not go see a movie with him today. James callled at Ruby Tuesdays, it made me laugh.

so while at AC Moores so the rest of the girls could check out knitting and use Ben as their tester, i was being "antisocial" and avoiding all of them, I enjoyed the posters and bought 50 tiny candles for 2.00, which ain't too bad.

Ms. Huggins says she loves me, but I am still suspicious of this statement.

Now M&M are away and it is just my mother and I, what joys could the evening hold?

Somebody Shoot Me.

The neon is graffitti...

~~~~

Half awake, I've been that all afternoon. Care to know why I should have just slept all day?

• Bombed Calc Ch 5 Test and didn't turn in homework
• Mistaking my shoe laces for snakes
• Driving recklessly..in a parking lot...in front of a really hott guy
• Standing in front of a class of college kids and saying "And I'll keep using this purse until it's no longer a purse but...felt's not the right word."
• Standing in front of a class of college kids and also saying "And this candle describes me because uhm, it's scent is honeysuckle and smelling it calms me" Then sniffing it in front of the class

Okay this one is from another day, but someone was saying how they love the doors, and well, I confused the cars with the doors so I said "Oh yeah! I saw their lead singer with his model wife in the bahamas last christmas!" to where they gave me an odd look and left...before it dawned on me "Wait, that's Jim morrison...Jim Morrison is dead. Oh god." and then apologizing to that fellow and it made him laugh greatly.

• Back to the day, I also just in about every conversation stuttered
• Almost hitting dog in middle of road, stopping car, having it come to the side of car most likely looking for food, and me holding up traffic
• Also! This has been happening for a little while now but it was worse than ever today, I feel like I've been coming apart at the joints, my jaw keeps popping in and out in and out, but it used to be when I opened my mouth really wide it would do it, now it's minute things like eating or yawning, or even talking! Plus my leg keeps popping in and out..grr

Strange, and here Fiona Apple's voice just melted all that away, I just spent the last few minutes laying on my bed staring at the celing in a dim lit room while she sang O' Sailor

Mm, maybe you shouldn't kill me yet.

Monday: Absolutely freakin nothing.

Tuesday:
8:30-9:45 History 102
10:00-11:15 Calculus/Free time
11:30-12:45 Theatre 140
1:00- 2:15 Psychology 101

Wednesday:
10:00-11:15 (or whatever) AP English IV

Thursday:
8:30-9:45 History 102
10:00-11:15 Calculus/Free time
11:30-12:45 Theatre 140
1:00- 2:15 Psychology 101

Friday:
Maybe English…

It is slightly comical

I found the other songs I had for him, but never put on a CD for his birthday...

..now I question whether I should give them to him, or to just forget them..

hmm oh well, it was moreso memories attached to them than really what the lyrics meant

I believe the cold grey dismal January has me in its clutches...

Have not smiled in a while, have been more of my serious intelligent self. It shows at work, where I pretend to be a quiet, shy, humble idiot, and yet they say I look defensive and they ask if there is something wrong.

I think there might be.

I want to tell him to forget me, to live a beautiful life he is bound to have to concern himself with other girls. I want to read. Not write, not math, I'm not fit for writing even if I have always received an A in my english class, I still detest it. And even though reading about mathematical theories interest me, I just get bored in the tedious intricacies of calculus. No, escape, I just wish to escape to foreign worlds, different characters..

..but it is all becoming a huge game, it is sad I can no longer just read a story, I see underlying messages hidden themes, and what was once a story I loved seemingly has an underbelly teeming with complexities.

Enough looking at the sky, something needs to be done.

I want to:

• Run
• Skip
• Drive really fast, a car chase
• Go to atalaya
• Go to a beach with a grey sky
• Go to a beach with friends in say April, during the day, blue sky, most likely atalaya, it'd be too cold for normal people to swim, but we aren't terribly normal
• Eat strawberries
• Go to Horton Gardens
• To Wimington
• To Savannah
• To laugh
• Smile
• Sing
• Have fun
• *Charleston would be cool too, maybe we could go on the premise of checking out "colleges"*
• Read a hell of a lot more. (by the by, coraline from sara)
• go hiking again as well
• That mustang. Moreso, I need it.

I need to definitely get that license.