ring around the
neck
So life is life, I'm here in Myrtle Beach, saving up money for...what? I like snuggling with him every morn, and I can friggin do that in any town, so why chicago? Cause it's cold? Cause it's his home town? Cause there might be work? Sure, why not Chicago, big city, I could act! Haha! I could go to school! haha! I could write! haha! But why I say? why why why? Kris said something funny, I was trying to speak and he bluntly says "You know I can't read your mind, right?" Oops, english and I are not friends krissy. Father says "Honest to god I don't know what you're doing" and you know what? Neither do i! But I have their christmas presents anyway. I wanted to get outta here ASAp as we grow accustomed to the lull, november becomes january, january becomes april, but it's not the change of location that will fix the problem. Is there even a problem? I have a device I thought I could take the picutres off my phone so I could show the world what I saw in columbia but it does not work. pity. Been reading. James took my 40 hours so now I've got, what 10 hours at sonic a week? Ha, need to find ANOTHER job. bleh. it smells like coffee here at ccu, there isn't a problem he says why can't we just enjoy what we have here and now? yes yes we can, but...
but...
something doesn't feel right.
meet up with huggins for tea soon, we'll see what the magical caterpillar has to say on her mushroom.
I leave now for a birthday present coming up soon, must look into it, winks and smiles for all
wow, everyone here at CCU looks like they're 15. strange...
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
What Really Was So Great About Amsterdam?
Life,
lesse
dropped out of college
leaving columbia
working as a bathroom installer, each job will bring in 500 to a grand
can do at least two jobs a week if they are not too hard
started working for charlotte, but it sucks here
getting job offers in pittsburgh, seattle, and south dakota
might be back in myrtle beach.
might go back to a shit pay job and live with kris.
*shrugs*
who knows right now.
it's in the air, going somewhere new sound cool to me, a place to relax, make some dough on the side go home and write.
s dakota'd be cool.
lesse
dropped out of college
leaving columbia
working as a bathroom installer, each job will bring in 500 to a grand
can do at least two jobs a week if they are not too hard
started working for charlotte, but it sucks here
getting job offers in pittsburgh, seattle, and south dakota
might be back in myrtle beach.
might go back to a shit pay job and live with kris.
*shrugs*
who knows right now.
it's in the air, going somewhere new sound cool to me, a place to relax, make some dough on the side go home and write.
s dakota'd be cool.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Sunday, May 04, 2008
New Orlean's Gumbo
So apparently the way to go is Dooky Chase, but since it is still "temporarily closed" from Katrina, the second best is Casamento's.
I need to remind myself of this. Yup.
I really should write that 350 word essay..but it's silly and I might need to know where the best gumbo is someday in my life.
I need to remind myself of this. Yup.
I really should write that 350 word essay..but it's silly and I might need to know where the best gumbo is someday in my life.
This kinda caught my eye...
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=Columbia+College+Chicago+good+school%3F&btnG=Search
http://collegesearch.collegeboard.com/search/CollegeDetail.jsp?collegeId=2941&profileId=0
http://www.colum.edu/Academics/Marketing_Communication/Marketing_Communication_Core.php
http://collegesearch.collegeboard.com/search/CollegeDetail.jsp?collegeId=2941&profileId=0
http://www.colum.edu/Academics/Marketing_Communication/Marketing_Communication_Core.php
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Slacking.
So I decided to not write this essay about Cold Mountain for my english class. It was due Thursday, April 24 and I kept pushing it off. I realized that I was not coming back and that the grade did not matter to me, I had learned what I came there for and did not need to write a paper just to get a C+ on it. So I did not write it. Day of final exam I step in to take it and my professor (Day was yesterday) and he says "I never got your paper, e-mail must've not worked out, go print it out for me" I went to the library and came back realizing that I cannot pull off the whole "Meh, I'm intelligent I don't need to prove it in this bullshit class" and accept a zero. I have never failed anything before, and I left the library. Called up James saying that I'm not doing it and I am cool and breaking down. He gets frustrated and angry with me and tells me to stop lying to myself. I work it out with my professor and he says well, it will be a shitty grade, but that's better than a zero so just turn it in by tomorrow morning 9 or 10ish. So I wrote most of all of it this morning in the computer lab that opened at 7:30 (8-10 page paper, I turned in 7 pages) and turned it in to him, only I am slightly worried because he wasn't there, he said slip it under his door, but I have that terrible feeling I was too late and he left already and just gave me a zero. Which is cool right? I mean, well fuck it's a little late now to worry so I'm not, but how can people pull it off? I mean just not giving a damn about what grade a professor gives you cause it's his damn opinion and he's entitled to it, but that's it. It's just his opinion, oh and the final was waay too fucking easy. The beginning of AP english easy. have another final today, producing class. I really liked my professor who reminded me of a gnome who is frightened easily. She's pretty awesome. I like my first note about her class "This woman is a wreck, and that kid is retarded." hit it on the spot too, anyway.
In other news, I'm poor. with a recipe on how to make pasta! Homemade cheese ravioli here I come!
Being in Myrtle Beach Tuesday night was not as bad as I thought it was, Brittany's mother didn't go berserk and grab a gun when she got the affadavit saying her daughter (Brit's sis, Courtney, now 12) is moving to Florida with her father because her mother is a terrible cocaine addict. It mainly wasn't bad because Brit chickenshitted out and was not there when her mother was handed the paperwork and talked to her about it. Instead, Courtney and her were hiding at Colin's house. They went to the airport to say goodbye to Court. And we met up with Brit and Colin at Denny's. Brittany is moving out to California, and I am going to miss her like crazy. I am staying in bumfuck Columbia till February to make more money and be able to move where I please. I think I am okay with this. I think I am going to be reading a lot more and making more money. possibly video games. Maybe I will cook a lot more.
Still have not told 'rents I am not going to school no more. Do not know when to tell, a little afraid to, but I do not think they care anymore (mother doesn't at least, dad will be broken again). Maybe I will tell them I am taking a "year" break.
Bleh.
Think I'm going to start meditating again.
In other news, I'm poor. with a recipe on how to make pasta! Homemade cheese ravioli here I come!
Being in Myrtle Beach Tuesday night was not as bad as I thought it was, Brittany's mother didn't go berserk and grab a gun when she got the affadavit saying her daughter (Brit's sis, Courtney, now 12) is moving to Florida with her father because her mother is a terrible cocaine addict. It mainly wasn't bad because Brit chickenshitted out and was not there when her mother was handed the paperwork and talked to her about it. Instead, Courtney and her were hiding at Colin's house. They went to the airport to say goodbye to Court. And we met up with Brit and Colin at Denny's. Brittany is moving out to California, and I am going to miss her like crazy. I am staying in bumfuck Columbia till February to make more money and be able to move where I please. I think I am okay with this. I think I am going to be reading a lot more and making more money. possibly video games. Maybe I will cook a lot more.
Still have not told 'rents I am not going to school no more. Do not know when to tell, a little afraid to, but I do not think they care anymore (mother doesn't at least, dad will be broken again). Maybe I will tell them I am taking a "year" break.
Bleh.
Think I'm going to start meditating again.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Blah.
$2,121.32 - due 06/12/08
in Savings currently: 1300. By june, if each pay check is 150 at worst....I will be getting 450.
which is 1750...bleh.
there is 1573 in the checkings.
and yeah, maybe we should not move till february.
i don't want to be stuck here, but we really don't have any cash to leave town by august.
plus car needs tune up + new tires + eek.
in Savings currently: 1300. By june, if each pay check is 150 at worst....I will be getting 450.
which is 1750...bleh.
there is 1573 in the checkings.
and yeah, maybe we should not move till february.
i don't want to be stuck here, but we really don't have any cash to leave town by august.
plus car needs tune up + new tires + eek.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Life.
Her corpse is poetry,
the carcass, prose.
I wrote this novel, just for you, it sounds pretentious, but it's true
hahaha.
It's always looking up.
the carcass, prose.
I wrote this novel, just for you, it sounds pretentious, but it's true
hahaha.
It's always looking up.
Monday, March 10, 2008
.
I feel ugly and like I am antisocial. I am here in Columbia with nothing to do but stay at home and read, and I was/am looking forward to it, but is this really my view of fun? I haven't taken a photograph in over six months. Maybe I will look and try to find a place that sells film.
meh.
meh.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Heartsick.
I checked online today to see the new schedule for the May since I don't plan on coming back next year. I was upset because there was no marketing 101 or that blue screen class that was supposed to be there in the maymester. And it just hit me. No more school. I've been doing nothing but education now since I was four years old. 14 out of four years of my life. My life will be pretty empty without this whole learning stuff. Thing is, it wasn't learning. I haven't learned really anything for a while now, but ya know, this is my life. What am I going to do with it? It just hit me I'm gonig to have a lot of free time on my hand, and I don't want to spend it being a worker with nothing to do. Do I want that? Do I want to work all day come home and cuddle with James? Isn't that what he's been doing for three years now? Will my life become boring and will I be inept? There's gotta be more to it...just gotta..
Thursday, February 07, 2008
Where Has the World Gone?
There's supposed to be a big world out there. Full of danger, and mystery. And it's not. It's the same everywhere. Disgusting.
Goddammit. I've been set up.
I thought about calling up Huggy Bear, telling her about how I have five postcards and a christmas package sitting in my locker since October from little old women at my church and how silly it is that I have not been christian in what feels like a long time. But then she'd wonder why I would call her, and I would find myself begging for forgiveness from her for not going out into the world and succeeding. So much of my life people have told me I am going to do something big, what would happen if I didn't? Only then at begging to her to not be angry with me that I am not going to school next year, only then would I realize it's not her that gives a shit. She was my goddamn english teacher in the 10th and 11th grade. She taught me grammar. That's it. No, it's those miserable parents. I'd break their heart. Again. Like I haven't already a million times over. I don't like being cold with them. Of course, my mother would be cold with me, but she would secretly be crying to herself each night. That's how she's always been, She was like that when Dad was being a bastard to her. I guess that's why I'm here. Expounding to an internet diary that millions of others do each second. I'm no updike of a writer. And it took me to hear praise of another person about how great their writing is that I realized that even I wanted to, I'd just be another dime a dozen paperback novelist. No thank you very much not that. I have nothing to teach. And so far I have not really learned anything in this fucking place so I guess I have nothing to learn either.
I'm miserable because I have no where to go from here.
Now don't get me wrong. I'm actually not miserable right now, (dramatic, oh good god yes) I have James. He is my love and light, but there is more to my life than cuddling with him. I will give him what he wants if he asks for it. Just ask.
I walked into the cafeteria and said to myself. Wait, I'm not hungry. and then left through the long line of people waiting at the cash register.
I don't feel right. Busying my self. Keeping myself busy so I can't enjoy life. Or am I supposed to be right now? I'm so very confused. Even my collegues and friends feel like their drifting into a zombie state of mind. Not reaching themselves into stupidity but more of a state of dullness. I can't take it. I gotta get out somehow. Somehowsomehowsomehowsomehow. I like that word.
Goddammit. I've been set up.
I thought about calling up Huggy Bear, telling her about how I have five postcards and a christmas package sitting in my locker since October from little old women at my church and how silly it is that I have not been christian in what feels like a long time. But then she'd wonder why I would call her, and I would find myself begging for forgiveness from her for not going out into the world and succeeding. So much of my life people have told me I am going to do something big, what would happen if I didn't? Only then at begging to her to not be angry with me that I am not going to school next year, only then would I realize it's not her that gives a shit. She was my goddamn english teacher in the 10th and 11th grade. She taught me grammar. That's it. No, it's those miserable parents. I'd break their heart. Again. Like I haven't already a million times over. I don't like being cold with them. Of course, my mother would be cold with me, but she would secretly be crying to herself each night. That's how she's always been, She was like that when Dad was being a bastard to her. I guess that's why I'm here. Expounding to an internet diary that millions of others do each second. I'm no updike of a writer. And it took me to hear praise of another person about how great their writing is that I realized that even I wanted to, I'd just be another dime a dozen paperback novelist. No thank you very much not that. I have nothing to teach. And so far I have not really learned anything in this fucking place so I guess I have nothing to learn either.
I'm miserable because I have no where to go from here.
Now don't get me wrong. I'm actually not miserable right now, (dramatic, oh good god yes) I have James. He is my love and light, but there is more to my life than cuddling with him. I will give him what he wants if he asks for it. Just ask.
I walked into the cafeteria and said to myself. Wait, I'm not hungry. and then left through the long line of people waiting at the cash register.
I don't feel right. Busying my self. Keeping myself busy so I can't enjoy life. Or am I supposed to be right now? I'm so very confused. Even my collegues and friends feel like their drifting into a zombie state of mind. Not reaching themselves into stupidity but more of a state of dullness. I can't take it. I gotta get out somehow. Somehowsomehowsomehowsomehow. I like that word.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Monday, January 28, 2008
You Better Believe I was Waiting for this Recession.
ICICI Bank Limited (ADR) (IBN)
Date Open High Low Close Volume
01/25/2008 63.89 64.40 61.30 62.26 3,556,022
01/24/2008 60.10 60.25 58.25 59.06 4,096,328
01/23/2008 59.10 61.71 57.00 61.39 6,130,478
01/22/2008 55.85 62.50 55.85 61.68 4,927,538
01/18/2008 62.36 63.95 60.50 62.34 3,871,926
01/17/2008 67.29 68.00 62.10 62.70 4,327,912
01/16/2008 68.25 68.85 64.34 66.25 3,849,355
01/15/2008 68.06 68.97 65.87 66.03 3,868,496
01/14/2008 72.10 72.83 70.15 71.39 2,339,436
01/11/2008 73.16 74.25 71.47 72.14 3,016,913
01/10/2008 67.52 73.39 67.52 72.88 3,586,788
Currently at: $62.26 Up: $3.20 (+5.42%)
China Mobile Ltd. (ADR) (CHL)
Date Open High Low Close Volume
01/25/2008 79.88 80.17 74.74 75.57 4,674,170
01/24/2008 76.00 78.22 75.80 77.85 4,120,711
01/23/2008 74.89 79.66 71.01 78.78 7,421,487
01/22/2008 70.11 77.33 70.11 75.53 5,791,341
01/18/2008 77.25 79.29 75.97 77.39 5,032,653
01/17/2008 77.72 78.36 74.24 74.72 4,611,618
01/16/2008 75.25 76.76 72.12 74.90 5,998,722
01/15/2008 80.16 80.80 76.95 77.65 5,305,198
01/14/2008 83.81 84.86 83.32 84.21 2,730,435
01/11/2008 86.54 86.54 84.46 85.07 2,978,625
01/10/2008 86.69 90.00 86.22 88.94 3,974,580
Currently at: $75.57 Down: $2.28 (-2.93%)
AT&T, Inc. (T)
Date Open High Low Close Volume
01/25/2008 36.02 36.25 35.13 35.26 40,919,877
01/24/2008 36.56 37.24 35.00 35.75 44,842,979
01/23/2008 35.34 37.02 33.32 36.69 56,236,304
01/22/2008 34.35 36.05 33.60 36.01 50,103,203
01/18/2008 37.40 37.80 35.41 36.11 48,609,291
01/17/2008 38.00 38.27 37.10 37.30 30,204,437
01/16/2008 37.60 38.85 37.55 37.87 37,715,588
01/15/2008 37.91 38.10 37.46 37.63 28,860,343
01/14/2008 38.43 38.78 38.23 38.51 21,751,690
01/11/2008 38.96 39.18 37.88 38.20 29,823,085
01/10/2008 38.72 39.67 38.17 39.40 35,734,219
Currently at: $35.26 Down: $0.49 (-1.37%)
Sony Corp (ADR) (SNE)
Date Open High Low Close Volume
01/25/2008 47.94 47.94 46.40 46.69 1,682,928
01/24/2008 46.90 47.52 46.57 47.49 1,582,100
01/23/2008 46.45 48.75 45.53 48.56 2,606,387
01/22/2008 47.38 50.17 47.38 50.06 1,931,905
01/18/2008 51.30 52.11 50.57 51.44 1,729,659
01/17/2008 52.34 52.55 51.00 51.12 1,819,529
01/16/2008 53.00 53.20 51.98 52.55 2,275,467
01/15/2008 54.84 54.84 53.67 53.78 2,180,500
01/14/2008 56.20 56.50 55.09 55.75 1,546,947
01/11/2008 56.00 56.21 55.12 55.30 910,923
01/10/2008 56.14 56.95 55.72 56.43 849,692
Currently at: $46.69 Down: $0.80 (-1.68%)
Badger Meter, Inc. (BMI)
Date Open High Low Close Volume
01/25/2008 39.07 40.20 38.20 38.64 76,212
01/24/2008 40.10 40.95 38.86 39.07 121,410
01/23/2008 37.40 39.86 36.15 39.81 155,700
01/22/2008 34.97 37.75 34.97 37.60 108,272
01/18/2008 36.53 37.11 34.61 36.50 126,347
01/17/2008 38.85 39.40 36.28 36.32 91,750
01/16/2008 39.28 39.92 38.40 38.95 106,266
01/15/2008 38.23 39.73 37.17 39.32 129,700
01/14/2008 39.10 40.40 37.71 38.85 127,525
01/11/2008 40.09 40.99 39.27 39.60 90,075
01/10/2008 41.00 41.94 39.30 40.90 81,100
Currently at: $38.64 Down: $0.43 (-1.10%)
GameStop Corp. (GME)
Date Open High Low Close Volume
01/25/2008 53.03 53.52 49.36 49.60 3,677,949
01/24/2008 52.45 52.98 51.01 52.42 3,694,441
01/23/2008 49.09 52.12 47.75 52.05 5,774,751
01/22/2008 46.59 51.07 44.76 50.47 6,163,225
01/18/2008 50.07 51.98 49.05 49.32 3,875,281
01/17/2008 51.37 53.65 49.37 49.72 4,513,598
01/16/2008 49.48 51.85 49.48 51.31 4,970,961
01/15/2008 53.45 53.45 50.30 50.81 3,944,639
01/14/2008 52.34 53.98 52.28 53.71 3,320,867
01/11/2008 52.00 53.50 51.60 52.12 4,961,662
01/10/2008 54.13 55.99 50.25 52.27 10,015,821
Currently at:$49.60 Down: $1.43 (-2.73%)
Date Open High Low Close Volume
01/25/2008 63.89 64.40 61.30 62.26 3,556,022
01/24/2008 60.10 60.25 58.25 59.06 4,096,328
01/23/2008 59.10 61.71 57.00 61.39 6,130,478
01/22/2008 55.85 62.50 55.85 61.68 4,927,538
01/18/2008 62.36 63.95 60.50 62.34 3,871,926
01/17/2008 67.29 68.00 62.10 62.70 4,327,912
01/16/2008 68.25 68.85 64.34 66.25 3,849,355
01/15/2008 68.06 68.97 65.87 66.03 3,868,496
01/14/2008 72.10 72.83 70.15 71.39 2,339,436
01/11/2008 73.16 74.25 71.47 72.14 3,016,913
01/10/2008 67.52 73.39 67.52 72.88 3,586,788
Currently at: $62.26 Up: $3.20 (+5.42%)
China Mobile Ltd. (ADR) (CHL)
Date Open High Low Close Volume
01/25/2008 79.88 80.17 74.74 75.57 4,674,170
01/24/2008 76.00 78.22 75.80 77.85 4,120,711
01/23/2008 74.89 79.66 71.01 78.78 7,421,487
01/22/2008 70.11 77.33 70.11 75.53 5,791,341
01/18/2008 77.25 79.29 75.97 77.39 5,032,653
01/17/2008 77.72 78.36 74.24 74.72 4,611,618
01/16/2008 75.25 76.76 72.12 74.90 5,998,722
01/15/2008 80.16 80.80 76.95 77.65 5,305,198
01/14/2008 83.81 84.86 83.32 84.21 2,730,435
01/11/2008 86.54 86.54 84.46 85.07 2,978,625
01/10/2008 86.69 90.00 86.22 88.94 3,974,580
Currently at: $75.57 Down: $2.28 (-2.93%)
AT&T, Inc. (T)
Date Open High Low Close Volume
01/25/2008 36.02 36.25 35.13 35.26 40,919,877
01/24/2008 36.56 37.24 35.00 35.75 44,842,979
01/23/2008 35.34 37.02 33.32 36.69 56,236,304
01/22/2008 34.35 36.05 33.60 36.01 50,103,203
01/18/2008 37.40 37.80 35.41 36.11 48,609,291
01/17/2008 38.00 38.27 37.10 37.30 30,204,437
01/16/2008 37.60 38.85 37.55 37.87 37,715,588
01/15/2008 37.91 38.10 37.46 37.63 28,860,343
01/14/2008 38.43 38.78 38.23 38.51 21,751,690
01/11/2008 38.96 39.18 37.88 38.20 29,823,085
01/10/2008 38.72 39.67 38.17 39.40 35,734,219
Currently at: $35.26 Down: $0.49 (-1.37%)
Sony Corp (ADR) (SNE)
Date Open High Low Close Volume
01/25/2008 47.94 47.94 46.40 46.69 1,682,928
01/24/2008 46.90 47.52 46.57 47.49 1,582,100
01/23/2008 46.45 48.75 45.53 48.56 2,606,387
01/22/2008 47.38 50.17 47.38 50.06 1,931,905
01/18/2008 51.30 52.11 50.57 51.44 1,729,659
01/17/2008 52.34 52.55 51.00 51.12 1,819,529
01/16/2008 53.00 53.20 51.98 52.55 2,275,467
01/15/2008 54.84 54.84 53.67 53.78 2,180,500
01/14/2008 56.20 56.50 55.09 55.75 1,546,947
01/11/2008 56.00 56.21 55.12 55.30 910,923
01/10/2008 56.14 56.95 55.72 56.43 849,692
Currently at: $46.69 Down: $0.80 (-1.68%)
Badger Meter, Inc. (BMI)
Date Open High Low Close Volume
01/25/2008 39.07 40.20 38.20 38.64 76,212
01/24/2008 40.10 40.95 38.86 39.07 121,410
01/23/2008 37.40 39.86 36.15 39.81 155,700
01/22/2008 34.97 37.75 34.97 37.60 108,272
01/18/2008 36.53 37.11 34.61 36.50 126,347
01/17/2008 38.85 39.40 36.28 36.32 91,750
01/16/2008 39.28 39.92 38.40 38.95 106,266
01/15/2008 38.23 39.73 37.17 39.32 129,700
01/14/2008 39.10 40.40 37.71 38.85 127,525
01/11/2008 40.09 40.99 39.27 39.60 90,075
01/10/2008 41.00 41.94 39.30 40.90 81,100
Currently at: $38.64 Down: $0.43 (-1.10%)
GameStop Corp. (GME)
Date Open High Low Close Volume
01/25/2008 53.03 53.52 49.36 49.60 3,677,949
01/24/2008 52.45 52.98 51.01 52.42 3,694,441
01/23/2008 49.09 52.12 47.75 52.05 5,774,751
01/22/2008 46.59 51.07 44.76 50.47 6,163,225
01/18/2008 50.07 51.98 49.05 49.32 3,875,281
01/17/2008 51.37 53.65 49.37 49.72 4,513,598
01/16/2008 49.48 51.85 49.48 51.31 4,970,961
01/15/2008 53.45 53.45 50.30 50.81 3,944,639
01/14/2008 52.34 53.98 52.28 53.71 3,320,867
01/11/2008 52.00 53.50 51.60 52.12 4,961,662
01/10/2008 54.13 55.99 50.25 52.27 10,015,821
Currently at:$49.60 Down: $1.43 (-2.73%)
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
"Bullshit."
This is killing me, kid.
So there is no adventure, nothing romantic whatsoever.
You and I both know I already realized this.
What was the answer you wanted from me? Only to realize that it had nothing to do with what you wanted, but myself. Only to find that
there is nothing there.
No passion. No lust. It's all halfassedhearted now. Nothing is giving me any oomph or drive to do anything. And running away to any old country won't do jack squat. Running never does anything. I feel like a meek monstrosity to you now.
Spark? There is none. I can't find it. All my stories are lackluster and not worth the paper they're on, and even then it won't do anything. It doesn't matter what I choose it will all feel like busywork. I tried to be honest and true and tell you what I was thinking and all you could tell me was it was bullshit because I would have followed through on it.
I'm reading more books and articles and such hoping that something will give me a jolt an idea or something. Talking to someone, anyone, won't help. There is no guidance in this realm.
I just found myself thinking about traveling the world and videotaping what I saw. But then I realized just like I did in Russia that it's better to see "the world through both my eyes" (sorry to be so corny johnnie boy). So, maybe, I should write it down? After all, I've gone through so much? I used to write a character a day and act it out. Be them for that day.
I like painting, but not enough to pursue it. I know I would like to go to a chef's school one day. Not to be a chef, but just because, well, I like to cook. Then again, for that matter I miss dancing. And I really miss ice skating.
People who write about their travels are always so boring though. I mean, who would want to read about venturing to Africa when you could just go?
So am I back at the start? I know I want to be with James, to make him happy, and that I have a lot more to learn. Is that it right now? Is that all I got? I could be that astrophysicist. I could be that many things. anythings.
blah.
So there is no adventure, nothing romantic whatsoever.
You and I both know I already realized this.
What was the answer you wanted from me? Only to realize that it had nothing to do with what you wanted, but myself. Only to find that
there is nothing there.
No passion. No lust. It's all halfassedhearted now. Nothing is giving me any oomph or drive to do anything. And running away to any old country won't do jack squat. Running never does anything. I feel like a meek monstrosity to you now.
Spark? There is none. I can't find it. All my stories are lackluster and not worth the paper they're on, and even then it won't do anything. It doesn't matter what I choose it will all feel like busywork. I tried to be honest and true and tell you what I was thinking and all you could tell me was it was bullshit because I would have followed through on it.
I'm reading more books and articles and such hoping that something will give me a jolt an idea or something. Talking to someone, anyone, won't help. There is no guidance in this realm.
I just found myself thinking about traveling the world and videotaping what I saw. But then I realized just like I did in Russia that it's better to see "the world through both my eyes" (sorry to be so corny johnnie boy). So, maybe, I should write it down? After all, I've gone through so much? I used to write a character a day and act it out. Be them for that day.
I like painting, but not enough to pursue it. I know I would like to go to a chef's school one day. Not to be a chef, but just because, well, I like to cook. Then again, for that matter I miss dancing. And I really miss ice skating.
People who write about their travels are always so boring though. I mean, who would want to read about venturing to Africa when you could just go?
So am I back at the start? I know I want to be with James, to make him happy, and that I have a lot more to learn. Is that it right now? Is that all I got? I could be that astrophysicist. I could be that many things. anythings.
blah.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Monday, January 14, 2008
One Headlight
This song is doing wonders on my heart
I'm just realizing now that I've done so much with my life, and I've been to so many places.
And I have so much more to do.
Last night I asked James if it feels like he's going to wake up and we're both going to be sixty. he said "sixty and that we went on a skiing trip in Germany and both broke our legs, yes." Then I asked him if the first time we met felt like yesterday, and he said no, that it was ages ago.
And I have to agree with him.
I'm just realizing now that I've done so much with my life, and I've been to so many places.
And I have so much more to do.
Last night I asked James if it feels like he's going to wake up and we're both going to be sixty. he said "sixty and that we went on a skiing trip in Germany and both broke our legs, yes." Then I asked him if the first time we met felt like yesterday, and he said no, that it was ages ago.
And I have to agree with him.
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
i don't mind the sun sometimes
the images it shows
i can taste you on my lips
and smell you in my clothes
cinnamon and sugary
and softly spoken lies
you never know just how you look
through other people's eyes
~~~~~~~
Playlist of songs from my childhood
Melanie- Brand New Key
Walter Egan- Magnet and Steel
Tommy james and the Shondells-Crimson and Clover and Crystal Blue Persuasion
The Cyrkle- Red Rubber Ball
Lou Christie- Lightning Strikes
Statler Brothers- Counting Flowers on the Wall
Blues Image- Ride Captain Ride
Chris Rea- Fool if you think it's over
George Parliament- Aw we rock da funk, gotta have da funk
Social Distortion- Ball and Chain
Gene Pitney- Man who Shot Liberty Valance
~~~~~
Calway alley wasn't really an alley. It was actually just a dead-end dirt road that led out to a field. But Rochester didn't really care, he was just out lookin for something to hunt and eat that night. Rochester, mind you, is a cat, who didn't really give a second thought to the dead body lying amongst the weeds, he just knew it was decaying and that live mice would be better on his stomach.
~~~~~~~
Robert Anton Wilson, je t'aime.
the images it shows
i can taste you on my lips
and smell you in my clothes
cinnamon and sugary
and softly spoken lies
you never know just how you look
through other people's eyes
~~~~~~~
Playlist of songs from my childhood
Melanie- Brand New Key
Walter Egan- Magnet and Steel
Tommy james and the Shondells-Crimson and Clover and Crystal Blue Persuasion
The Cyrkle- Red Rubber Ball
Lou Christie- Lightning Strikes
Statler Brothers- Counting Flowers on the Wall
Blues Image- Ride Captain Ride
Chris Rea- Fool if you think it's over
George Parliament- Aw we rock da funk, gotta have da funk
Social Distortion- Ball and Chain
Gene Pitney- Man who Shot Liberty Valance
~~~~~
Calway alley wasn't really an alley. It was actually just a dead-end dirt road that led out to a field. But Rochester didn't really care, he was just out lookin for something to hunt and eat that night. Rochester, mind you, is a cat, who didn't really give a second thought to the dead body lying amongst the weeds, he just knew it was decaying and that live mice would be better on his stomach.
~~~~~~~
Robert Anton Wilson, je t'aime.
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Look at me! I'm such a loser...I am paying for a dorm room I'm not staying in, I have a 100 dollar phone bill, I thought I was pregnant, I've had to patch two different tires and replace a spare and get a new tire. I'm going through the motions of being an idiot, and I thought I was better than this.
meh.
meh.
Oh dear lord, $100.84?
well there goes that paycheck
for everyone to know: if you're calling me during the day, it'd better be an emergency cuz i went over my 500 day minutes, but you can call me anytime on nights and weekends ^_^ (5000 of those)
you know what the retarded part is?
I'm such an idiot. They charge you double by minutes for playing the games on the phone. I was used to suncom where the games were..well, free, and I played them all the time. Cingular has the indecency to charge double for every minute played. I was so stupid to not read the extreme fine print on that one.
ick, oh well.
well there goes that paycheck
for everyone to know: if you're calling me during the day, it'd better be an emergency cuz i went over my 500 day minutes, but you can call me anytime on nights and weekends ^_^ (5000 of those)
you know what the retarded part is?
I'm such an idiot. They charge you double by minutes for playing the games on the phone. I was used to suncom where the games were..well, free, and I played them all the time. Cingular has the indecency to charge double for every minute played. I was so stupid to not read the extreme fine print on that one.
ick, oh well.
Monday, January 07, 2008
Be Considerate!
the cool grotto and it's denizens' freaks chilled even the smoke rings they blew. i knew i wouldn't last long.
i dunno, should i give up this writing thing?
a ladybug spoke to me today, he told me everything would be okay.
but i squashed him anyway
that's a lie, i set him free actually. i like boy ladybugs, but i never liked that movie bugs and it's portrayal of a boy ladybug, dunno, could be wrong.
so, i'm not pregnant, or i screwed up the test. guess we'll find out in a week.
i dunno, should i give up this writing thing?
a ladybug spoke to me today, he told me everything would be okay.
but i squashed him anyway
that's a lie, i set him free actually. i like boy ladybugs, but i never liked that movie bugs and it's portrayal of a boy ladybug, dunno, could be wrong.
so, i'm not pregnant, or i screwed up the test. guess we'll find out in a week.
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