I do not know whether to go up there and sing or not..

Yesterday was wonderful. I did Ben's eulogy and got a 100 on my psych test, James looks stunning in a fedora that is exactly the same one that Ben bought me for christmas. I even ate a frozen almond joy bar. Then Brittany Wilhelm called me up and dragged me over to the Living Room for open mic nite so she could fawn over a twenty something from Atlanta. He was quiet and in my opinoin not that good at all, he tried to hit on me and Brit both, slightly disgusting, I know. But the fact I was there was enough. Poetry, singing, dimly lit rooms and books with the smell of coffee. I was in heaven, and I think I will go back next Thursday. It was rainy too, I walked in the drizzling rain to McDonalds to see if Britain was working, she wasn't, so I just grabbed some grease and gobbled it down before going on my voyage across the parking lot back to the bohemian living room. I think I will go back again; will I get the courage to go to that microphone? Of course not. Maybe...who knows, my poetry lately hasn't been all that good I just randomly scribble shit in Huggins class, all the talk of poetry gets me thinking, but it isn't all that good things like:

Bypass the small dumpy motel facing the lumberyard,
and the creek that races to a sewer pipe,
say hello, goodbye to the forest nymphs,
and humming electric buildings,
Finally the yellow beast will stop at the asphalt wasteland

And:

The stoplight on 4th and main
is
banging clanging in the wind
and
it stirs him awake.
so that the blind man
can see
the white maelstorm
above him.


I wrote something on the back of a library book about being an entertainer like

"I'm sick of entertaining you
with my witty repartees and gleaming smiles
I wish you could for once not see me under the stage lights
and realize
I have a soul too."

I think it was something like that, it's all so very cliche, I do not really care for it, but i Have been writing it alot lately

Maybe I will sing "Mirror" by Simply Red, it always explains my ongoing battle of cynicism and optimism...