Sweet Seventeen

A million roads, a million fearsA million suns, ten million years of uncertaintyI could speak a million lies, a million songs,A million rights, a million wrongs in this balance of timeBut if there was a single truth, a single lightA single thought, a singular touch of graceThen following this single point , this single flame,The single haunted memory of your face
~~~~~~~

And what I like about this cat the most,
he stand under mah favourite lamp post

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What do you do when you're full of fear,
and the mirror keeps saying,
objects are closer than they appear?

~~~~~

Painted my dad an angel for his birthday, gave him a sugar cookie at 4 AM in the mornin day of. He was happy. Smooch smooch on cheek "g'nite da" "nite"

Birthday, boring. No she-bang, like it that way. The best present was the sky, course it always is. Fuck family. Fuck friends, fuck james, long as I got mah sky. Not to be rude, I'd be devestated without youse guys, but i'm just sayin the sky would pull me through. Anywho! Drivin drivin drivin "Sure you don't wanna go somewhere nice for your birthday?" "Nah, let's go here." An old sub shop. "Andy's Deli." a lil' old greek man who says to everyone "What can I get for you my friend/dear?" Bag of chips, root beer, and a shitty hot ham and swiss sub later "Astronaut looks crazy, I'll go with it" and mom feels bad. I'm satisfied, stunk of mothballs in there and it was empty. Sweet old guy and disgruntled black busser who is a mom and whos' son is at clemson and didn't send her a fucking card. I liked it. Mom still felt bad. Got lost in Columbia, fell in love with it. Going to USC. Definitely.

~~~~

Mercury Fall and I rise from my bed

~~~

Drivin' home, mom wants to make up my birthday somehow, someway, searches for ice cream on an open and dead road, I told her I'm fine. at least twenty times. Then I point to the gas station and said "I bet they have ice cream bars." We compromise. A "Strawberry Shortcake" wrapper later and I'm admirin my sky while mom tries to dodge asshole bikers. Get home. Chinese food. Cashew Chicken. Not my fortune cookie, got dad's by mistake, don't know what mine was, read on my porchswing.

Something was wrong. felt like crying. Turned off cellphone. Urges. Called Sara, told her to stay at the Wal Mart. Drove to Wal Mart knowing full and well I wouldn't make it home by 9. Sara and I drive to Bi-lo, I buy spoons, she buys pint of "Vermonty Python" ice cream, drive to beach. Sit on beach, eat sandy ice cream (we sit behind a line of chairs that protect us mostly from the sandy winds) admire the sky some more. Talk, eat, smile, tell Sara thanks for one of the best birthday moments ever. Hug. Take her home. Drive fast. Drive at night. Franz Ferdinand, my song "Darts of Pleasure" playing. Think of James. Gotta stop thinking of James. Arrive home. Bubble Bath. Candles. Smell nice. Almost fall asleep, come to room, type up day.

It's hard to say it,

I hate to say it,

but it's probably me.