List

Made a list at beginning of year:

I want to:

• Run
• Skip
• Drive really fast, a car chase
• Go to atalaya
• Go to a beach with a grey sky
• Go to a beach with friends in say April, during the day, blue sky, most likely atalaya, it'd be too cold for normal people to swim, but we aren't terribly normal
• Eat strawberries
• Go to Horton Gardens
• To Wimington
• To Savannah
• To laugh
• Smile
• Sing
• Have fun
• *Charleston would be cool too, maybe we could go on the premise of checking out "colleges"*
• Read a hell of a lot more. (by the by, coraline from sara)
• go hiking again as well
• That mustang. Moreso, I need it.

I need to definitely get that license.

No more I love you's....

What deadlines do to Tory:

The SAT. The scholastic aptitude test. A ten hour long test where I find myself half way through saying things to myself like “No one cares if it takes Jorge 2 hours to paint his room with 8 cans of paint because most likely he’s going to take breaks and he will, at one point, be interrupted with a cell phone from his girlfriend who is at work, but it is slow and she is bored and wondering if he is doing anything that night.” Oh yes, the SAT. On June 3^rd I will take my fourth and final SAT. My first one in the eighth grade was a significant factor that helped me get into the Scholar’s Academy, and now hopefully these last three will get me into a good college. My only problem is this: I suck at taking tests. I study, do not get me wrong, I always do…but I freak out right before the test. Always have, always will I guess. Of course, I do not act different before hand. I don’t get a good rest; in fact, I stay up till my usual hours of midnight or worse. Also, instead of the “hearty breakfast” I should be eating, I grab some micro waved pizza or (in January) a Baby Ruth bar. I do stuff at least two bags worth of mints in my purse, and suck on them on the occasion I am waiting for the administer to say “time’s up” for section 92. Alright, I admit, I exaggerate here. If my test taking was truly as atrocious as it seems I would not be here in Scholars Academy (What, you thought I got here on charm?), but it could be better. I guess all I can do is study, review, and hope I do not ask myself if Jorge’s wall colors match the curtains.

Not bad for 15 minutes if I do say so myself ("Tory is that article ready? the deadline was yesterday." "What? Oh..um...yeah...lemme just do a few...corrections..yeah.")




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and I'm making an album, with all the earliest songs I can remember here they are:

Seal-kissed by a rose
Annie Lennox-Don't let it bring you down
Procol Harum-Whiter Shade of Pale
James Taylor- sunny skies
Seal- Newborn friend
Tommy Shaw- all in how you say it
Queen-Another one bites the dust
Simply Red- For Your Babies
Sting- Shape of my heart
Loreena McKennitt- All Souls Night
Steely Dan- Bodhisattva

And I might personally add..

Duncan Sheik- She Runs Away
John Mayer- Neon

for the hell of it.

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Came across Carson's ol' blog when I got home from work yesterday, boy that was....strange

czarrie.blogspot.com, just in case i ever forget (no one reads this anyway)

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I sleep now.

A sickening feeling in my heart...


...maybe it's just the fried food from work and lemon water..



...


...yes i'm pretty sure it was the fried food


Ew god, I'm not eating at work for the rest of the summer..


Other than that life is good. Busy, but good.

Sweet Seventeen

A million roads, a million fearsA million suns, ten million years of uncertaintyI could speak a million lies, a million songs,A million rights, a million wrongs in this balance of timeBut if there was a single truth, a single lightA single thought, a singular touch of graceThen following this single point , this single flame,The single haunted memory of your face
~~~~~~~

And what I like about this cat the most,
he stand under mah favourite lamp post

~~~~~~

What do you do when you're full of fear,
and the mirror keeps saying,
objects are closer than they appear?

~~~~~

Painted my dad an angel for his birthday, gave him a sugar cookie at 4 AM in the mornin day of. He was happy. Smooch smooch on cheek "g'nite da" "nite"

Birthday, boring. No she-bang, like it that way. The best present was the sky, course it always is. Fuck family. Fuck friends, fuck james, long as I got mah sky. Not to be rude, I'd be devestated without youse guys, but i'm just sayin the sky would pull me through. Anywho! Drivin drivin drivin "Sure you don't wanna go somewhere nice for your birthday?" "Nah, let's go here." An old sub shop. "Andy's Deli." a lil' old greek man who says to everyone "What can I get for you my friend/dear?" Bag of chips, root beer, and a shitty hot ham and swiss sub later "Astronaut looks crazy, I'll go with it" and mom feels bad. I'm satisfied, stunk of mothballs in there and it was empty. Sweet old guy and disgruntled black busser who is a mom and whos' son is at clemson and didn't send her a fucking card. I liked it. Mom still felt bad. Got lost in Columbia, fell in love with it. Going to USC. Definitely.

~~~~

Mercury Fall and I rise from my bed

~~~

Drivin' home, mom wants to make up my birthday somehow, someway, searches for ice cream on an open and dead road, I told her I'm fine. at least twenty times. Then I point to the gas station and said "I bet they have ice cream bars." We compromise. A "Strawberry Shortcake" wrapper later and I'm admirin my sky while mom tries to dodge asshole bikers. Get home. Chinese food. Cashew Chicken. Not my fortune cookie, got dad's by mistake, don't know what mine was, read on my porchswing.

Something was wrong. felt like crying. Turned off cellphone. Urges. Called Sara, told her to stay at the Wal Mart. Drove to Wal Mart knowing full and well I wouldn't make it home by 9. Sara and I drive to Bi-lo, I buy spoons, she buys pint of "Vermonty Python" ice cream, drive to beach. Sit on beach, eat sandy ice cream (we sit behind a line of chairs that protect us mostly from the sandy winds) admire the sky some more. Talk, eat, smile, tell Sara thanks for one of the best birthday moments ever. Hug. Take her home. Drive fast. Drive at night. Franz Ferdinand, my song "Darts of Pleasure" playing. Think of James. Gotta stop thinking of James. Arrive home. Bubble Bath. Candles. Smell nice. Almost fall asleep, come to room, type up day.

It's hard to say it,

I hate to say it,

but it's probably me.

In the period of a half hour...

I was supposed to write a performance analysis for Susie Huggins English Class:

Oh dear, what can I say?
Where eros' arrow should have hit,
A writer's quill did neatly sit,
And now I'm stuck this way.


I come from a household of bullshitters; of course, I have always done well with the family practice.


I want it to rain. I want to come to my shitty and yet cozy apartment with a broken down couch. I want to come to my home after an awful day of work, and I want it to rain. And I want to have a big bag of Chinese food, with a pint of kung pao, and I want to walk in heels and a business suit with my hair in a messy bun, and it will be a cold rain too, and I will have a small dog named Alex that I thought was an Alexander but turned out to actually be an Alexandra and it really doesn't matter cause either way I'll call it Alex, and I want a broken down and broken in couch that sits on my shitty terrace porch that faces the grey city. And I want to fall asleep to the rain with an empty pint of kung pao by the couch and a huge warm blanket that smells of mildew covering me. I want it to rain real bad.



Let's drive fast baby. In the dessert. Like the movies, no one will be there, just you and I, a car chase. C'mon let's do it. No cops or rules, just you, me, and trouble.

She cries.









Yeah, that's all I got.

Off to...something or somebody

(And thinking it through a greyhound named Danny would work too *of course if female it'd be Danni*)

List

• Go to USC, talk with admissions
• Clean/Rearrange Room
• Make Money so you can go to: NYC (teh gang trip) and Cabin SA trip
• Clean out closets, clothes
• Work out, Curves and eat healthy
• Begin cooking
• Get new agent
• Get new headshots (old ones out of date)
• Check NYCastings are you still there?
• Compile all the money information
• Work in garden