Well dear blogspot, I would post here a rant about how little old ladies in wal mart and how they walk in on you when you're in a dressing room, almost completely naked. Or I might even talk of how this morning before the whole wal mart episode I worked at a carwash, which was fun. but instead I have to keep it short, quick and sweet.

I'm leaving for Australia for twenty days. Big news there. I still have to pack and I haven't even done that and it's tomorrow really early in the morning. Ack. So I'll leave it at this..

I love you guys.

And a goodnite to all.

Weighed myself when I came back from my date with carson:

Scale downstairs: 143 lbs
Scale upstairs: 123 lbs

Both exactly on the dot. So I'm saying I'm 133 and 5'4''. Woo. Glad I didn't go out w/ Carson or anything, I knew it was coming soon, seems I start this time of month, good thing I didn't do anything. I miss him already. fuck. I want him, meh, I need sleep, I'm gonna go, I love ya world, thanks for all the fun you've given me!

Adieu!

Note: Carson discovered I like getting my legs rubbed, or whatever he did, I liked that, alot. and his hair and..ah, okay I'll go think about him somewhere else now...

I've just had this song stuck in my head, it's odd, I only listen to Duncan usually in the autumn, but anyway, these are the lyrics:

I’m awake in the afternoon
I fell asleep in the living room
And it’s one of those moments
When everything is so clear

Before the truth goes back into hiding
I want to decide ’cause it’s worth deciding
To work on finding something more than this fear

It takes so much out of me to pretend
Tell me now, tell me how to make amends

Maybe, I need to see the daylight
To leave behind this half-life
Don’t you see I’m breaking down

Lately, something here don’t feel right
This is just a half-life
Is there really no escape?
No escape from time
Of any kind

I keep trying to understand
This thing and that thing, my fellow man
I guess I’ll let you know
When I figure it out

But I don’t mind a few mysteries
They can stay that way it’s fine by me
And you are another mystery I am missing

It takes so much out of me to pretend

Maybe, I need to see the daylight
To leave behind this half-life
Don’t you see I’m breaking down

Lately, something here don’t feel right
This is just a half-life
Is there really no escape?
No escape from time
Of any kind

Come on lets fall in love
Come on lets fall in love
Come on lets fall in love
Again

’cause lately something here don’t feel right
This is just a half-life,
Without you I am breaking down

Wake me, let me see the daylight
Save me from this half-life
Let’s you and I escape
Escape from time

Come on lets fall in love
Come on lets fall in love
Come on lets fall in love
Again


I have to get this out of my head..eventually

Ah, who am I kiddin? I can't leave this place!

See ya next year

Dear Soon-to-be-not-my-diary,
I've decided to give you a break, and not just you, I've given up the whole internet until I need it for the next school year. I have my reasons why, but this feels like no longer a diary, but just a thing where I type to Carson, eck. And I don't really want to tell anyone the main reason why. So for that, I leave. goodbye!
Sincerely,
Tory the wit
T.wit
Twit

One bloody fucking bejesus night

Right, so I just came back from me mum and I having a terribly wonderful nite. You see, we had just gotten our 50 dollars back from the survey and everyone else was away, so we thought, Bloody hell, we have a hundred, we might as well have a nite out on the town. Needless to say, we went to a fancy restaurant dressed as two bloody peasants, but we had money so they didn't give a shit. during dinner I discussed with mum about "sex" She said that a condom would break and that I should use a pill, and that I'd have to see a gynacologist before I ever had sex, so I'll have to wait. Then, we went to wal mart, and we each got a pint of ice cream, to which we went and got two great romance films that I absolutely loved! Serendipity and Bridget Jone's Diary! Both great, both wonderful, both making me want to speak with a bloody british accent. Bridget Jones makes me wanna get laid and smoke and get drunk because it all sounds fun. Well, I'm off now to go fucking sleep or bloody hell, I have to make some pasta dish for the picnic tomorrow, adieu!

An intrigue

Yet, dear world, don't get me wrong. Tonite wasn't all terrible. No, there was one part that I loved and I wish I could've been like that forever. Just in silence, in silence with him, to hear him breathe, the rise and fall of his chest. That seems to be the moment I live for now. I know he'd um, want more than just that, but really, that's all I want. Just those few droplets of time where we're together, alone, and in complete and utter serenity. Those are the moments I love, not the field, not the movies, not the cute jokes and flirts or whatever, just those moments with him. So, don't worry, it wasn't all bad, and I do believe it is sad that I already miss him.

"It's an infinite world and I want you." "Love fades."

Tonite was terrible. It has come to the mind of what I've always feared, I know Carson is searching for something with our relationship, and right now he's hoping that maybe it's sex. perhaps, if we had sex it would make our relationship better, he's trying to search to find, something better. And I'm afraid, that once we have it, he'll finally find out that it isn't sex. It isn't anything, and then he'll leave. I know he tells me he won't leave, and that he loves me. Sure, for now, while he's in a dazed state trying to confuse himself, putting on a whole charade to cloud the truth. the truth? Nothing's true anymore is it? The truth? "You can't handle the truth.." erm I hate having over glooming premonitions, I mean, where will it go? Will he tire of me? (Of course, the man has ADD, he'll be off with someone else in no time..ack another fear..) I know it hurts to lose him, but the ever eternal question.. Do you really love the person? Or do you just love the fact you're loved or some shit..I always asked that, I guess you can't love, I feel like I can't love anymore, I feel cold and distant all of a sudden, I feel like I shouldn't say "I love you" because, I don't know, perhaps it isn't love, but a fear of loneliness or something, Just because I long to be in his arms and to talk to him, I don't know if I want a pair of arms or him..no I want him, but still..And the worst part is, I know I can't give him what he wants (No, not like that you fools). I just can't, I can't talk to him the way he wants or hold him the way he wants...oh great I sound extremely slut-like now..Fear. It's controlling, I fear that whatever I do is something stupid or someone will hate me for it. I fear to lose people. I need to lose all this fear. I swear, I should do society a favor and just shut up, be a lifeless robot, stop eating stop wasting money, I would rant about how I hate myself, I don't want to worry Carson. I wish he would never worry or hate himself (another problem, I feel all..I dunno.."perfect" when I'm near him, or as he puts it lately "Sucess always seems to follow you." I guess I acted too perfect so I would get him to like me..ouch, not good..maybe I shouldn't have ever started this whole thing)

Meh, now if you'll excuse me, I have a good book, and beautiful night to read it. Goodnite.

Babysitting, the everlasting hell

Great, so I just came back from dinner where my banchee sister was crying and my brother was being such a hard ass and it really just gave me a headache. I will never have children, I swear to god, I'll never have kids. Never. I also noticed how much I need my laptop, I came back from my time with Carson (I liked being with him..alone, not with my family, ack) and then I fell asleep. Only to be woken at four, I was going to go on the home computer to find dad sitting there doing some heavy duty checking his mail. So I finally got online today, I'm really gonna miss the computer, seeing that it isn't MY pmarchigiano.mi siedo , infilo le cuffie.apro il libro (che brutta cosa iniziare un nuovo libro quando sai che non potr� mai eguagliare l'ultimo)e dimentico il mondo.mi rompe il cazzo una vecchia che assomiglia a nixon nei suoi anni migliori ,e mi sfratta con la scusa dell'et�.sto per ribattere che sono incinta ma mi attorniano un cumulo di over80 con ombrello stronzo di due metri in legno massiccio che c'avranno minimo il porto d'armi,e bicipite da steroide, per portarselo in giro.mi ritrovo con la faccia sulle tette croate-marchigiane.quando frena di botto mi schianto di culo su uno dei vecchi

Babysitting, the everlasting hell

Great, so I just came back from dinner where my banchee sister was crying and my brother was being such a hard ass and it really just gave me a headache. I will never have children, I swear to god, I'll never have kids. Never. I also noticed how much I need my laptop, I came back from my time with Carson (I liked being with him..alone, not with my family, ack) and then I fell asleep. Only to be woken at four, I was going to go on the home computer to find dad sitting there doing some heavy duty checking his mail. So I finally got online today, I'm really gonna miss the computer, seeing that it isn't MY personal laptop, but now a comp. that is used by four other people most of the day..I'm just gonna miss it terribly. Meh at the moment and time, this is all I want: Some advil, some time alone, a bed, mainly SILENCE and PEACE...and of course, Carson would be a nice touch to the whole thing, although, he'd probably rather teach Max and Miranda the theme to Pepto Bismol *Thanks Carson! They were repeating it throughout dinner!*...I'm gonna get some advil...

Perhaps..I should get some rest..yes, maybe, although I'm not tired..oh hell..I'm just gonna go back to reading bash...

Before I go to sleep from my odd day, I'll show the song that'd I like to have play at a wedding, it deserves to be played for a couple, the lyrics do it no justice, but this is the best I can do.

http://www.letssingit.com/?http://www.letssingit.com/tal-bachman-gbbtd.html