And in her eyes you see nothing...
It happens about three to four times a year, I've noticed.
You need me, and I won't show up. In fact, I smash your heart into a thousand shards to boot.
I think I'm bad for you.
Remember Christmas? My parents and lying.
Remember Easter? That involved lying.
Remember all the times I was just plain neglectful of your emotions?
Like today?
You were depressed, and at work I was glad that we were going to take a day off together, but as soon as I got home, boom on computer playing video games ignoring you. You reading calvin and hobbes wanting some attention, attempting to initiate conversations that I quickly end.
You do not get what you want today.
I don't know why I did this to you.
I don't know why these moments occur
Me not preordering Dragon Age Origins for you was the last one,
your heart broken that I did not do it in time, too late for you to get it at the store, obviously I do not pay attention to the things you are interested in
You ask me on the toilet if I am just humoring you by standing there listening to you talk about Final Fantasy 8. I wasn't. I honestly was interested.
Why am I so wrapped up in my goddamn self?
How do I stop?
I try so hard after these moments for months to put you first,
but eventually
you always fall to the way side.
and it becomes numero uno again.
Blockbuster, Car Wash, and even here at the bookstore already made comments about I say "James and I" at the beginning of almost every statement..I talk about us a lot to them because it's all I know anymore.
But maybe I don't know anything about you. I could not tell exactly what Beatle's song it was you wanted to hear. I remember one time you mistook another band for the Beatles, but I could not be too sure.
Actually scratch Dragon Age. The Cereal Episode was the most recent.
Maybe they aren't 3-4 year.
Maybe they're once a week.
How often do I hurt you?
Is this relationship worth having if I keep doing this to you?
I was not lying that time I told you I really considered killing myself.
I get so sad and upset. I feel like I should leave all of my possessions behind.
Just leave it all behind.
But I don't want to know me. I want to know you. I want to get around me.
But what do you want?
Tory Smiles?
haha.
I don't know how to fix this. Not this episode. Time will heal this episode. I don't know how to fix myself.
